6 Steps to Building Your Family Relationships This Holiday Season

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I love the holidays.  I love the crisp air.  I love the tradition.  I love the colors.  I love the music. I love the time with my family.  I love spending hours trying to find the perfect gift.  I love the smells of great food only served during these special occasions.

But, I hate traffic.  I hate to travel.  I hate crowds.  I hate the demands of my family time.  Add in some COVID, a touch of election discussion, a dash of natural disasters, a splash of special needs, and the longer nights, and I find my exhaustion can (and sometimes does) lead to an attitude of complaining. I can lose focus on the good; I can (if I am honest), sometimes, even ignore those blessings right in front of me.

 I am so grateful for a husband who has helped me see this reality and the tips and tricks he has taught me to overcome this. I also know this is a year-round problem.  This is a lifestyle choice.  This is a daily choice.  So, here are some things my family uses to be grateful for the family and build our relationships.

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Count Your Blessings: The first step to having a gratitude attitude is to count your blessings.  As the old adage goes, name them one by one. For some tips on how to make this a daily practice, take a look at these simple steps.  Recognizing that, even though this year has been exhausting, challenging, and all around, awful for pretty much everyone, there is still so much to be grateful for. Take some time to name all the reasons you love your family; how they help; how they have grown; how far you have come toward goals.

Building Lego Airplane and Airport

Spend Quality Time with your Family: We make it a practice to spend at least an hour a night hanging with our little one.  It doesn’t always happen, but we try to make it a priority most nights.  This is the time our son picks what we do (the things that interest him).  We get down on his level.  We laugh with him. We celebrate with him.  As he has grown, this time has become more and more essential.  We often spend time cooking together or doing art together.  This is an intentional time we spend learning who he is and how amazing he is.  It is a reminder, especially on harder days, that there is so much light, love, and life to give to him and that he gives to us.

Family Game Night

Family Fun Night: These are my favorite nights!  My husband is usually in charge of planning these nights.  And he is so good at it!  Of course, we do the family game night, but my husband doesn’t stop there.  Having the same routine can become monotonous if that is all you do all the time.  So, we build Lego as a family or spend a night reading to each other.  Around the holidays, usually the first week of December, my family loves to read The Best Christmas Pagent Ever.  But here is a list of some books we have enjoyed reading together as well. 

Community Serve Day: Sending cards to those in senior homes

Family Work Days: I have a love-hate relationship with these days.  I hate getting started and how some tasks take WAY longer than they should do to teaching and training.  I love how we accomplish things as a family, I love seeing how my family grows in communication, strength, and bonds.  We set a goal for the day. Sometimes it is getting the garage clean.  Sometimes it spring cleaning (dusting, wall cleaning, re-organizing).  Sometimes, it is a community volunteer day where we volunteer at a local organization for someone else.  We really like these events being able to do things from helping the elderly to yard work for a non-profit.  We love being able to serve together.  This opens the door to so many life conversations that get missed in the daily chaos.

Family Work Out Night: 2 mile run and Card Deck Strengthening Game Night

Family Work Outs: I know what you are thinking…“No way!  Working out is for me to have a break from my kids” or “Nope, I don’t do that.”  Although there are numerous reasons to work out for your health and wellness, there is something more rewarding when you work out together as a family.  love to long-distance run together.  I am slow…very slow compared to my family who can run 2 miles in under 17 minutes.  But, we start as a family, and when they are done, they come back and finish with me – as a family.  I love the deck of card nights.  We use a traditional deck of cards and shuffle.  Each draws a card.  The number on the card tells us how many of the activity, the suite tells us what activity (hearts are abs, diamonds are pushups, spades are squats, and clubs rotate burpees, heavy ropes, punching bags, kicks).  There is so much variety with this, and it becomes a game.  We are completely out of fun ideas or need to get out of a rut, we find a new workout on Tubi, Amazon, or Youtube.   

Family Fun Hiking Day

Family  Fun Days:  My husband and son are as manly as they come.  They love to fish, hike, dig in the sand, and play in puddles.  I am as girly as they come.  I love to read, write, and paint.  We could not be farther apart on the spectrum.  But I love these days.  My boys will take me hiking into a beautiful wood, then stop for hot chocolate and smores before hiking back.  They have taken me fishing, while I bring a book, and enjoy watching them bring home dinner.  I love it when we go to the beach and play in the water, build sandcastles, and attempt to catch fish with our hands.  But, they love me too.  So, sometimes we find the free days at the museums and aquariums and learn about history and art for a day.  Zoos are great places to go as a family and spend time out in nature able to talk with each other.   Check out next week’s blog for more ideas on how to build your family relationships on a budget.

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6 Steps to a Gratitude Attitude

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Happy Halloween!  Belated as it might be.  I apologize for the silence the past two weeks – technical issues abounded.  All bugs have been sorted and we should be fully operational.  Thank you for being patient with me.

This month is all about gratitude.  Thankfulness.  Something most Americans, and I would wager most first-world citizens, are in desperate need of. 

This past month, as a mom of an adolescent, I found myself often frustrated by the poor choices my son made.  It felt like no matter what we as parents did, my son was determined to make poos choices.  My son was successful in breaking something every – single – day for one week straight. Dealing with crazy work demands and trying to figure out how to balance everyone’s needs seemed more complicated than usual.

Honestly, there were some days it felt hopeless.  I felt the world against me.  I felt frustrated with the special needs I have to deal with, the demands of work for both myself and my husband.  I felt very alone. But that is never the case, is it?

So, how do we pull ourselves out of these dark moments as moms and dads?  How do we remind ourselves of the enormous amounts of blessings that are part of our lives daily? How do we develop a Gratitude Attitude?

Here are my five steps to having a Gratitude Attitude as a parent, and for life:

  1. PERSPECTIVEDid you know, according to an article published by Anup Shah in 2013, at least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day ($3,640 annually)?  Almost 2 in 3 people lack access to clean water to survive on less than $2 a day ($884 annually)?  More than 660 million people without sanitation live on less than $2 a day?  More than 385 million live on less than $1 day ($364 annually)?  Or that 1.6 billion people (1/4 humanity) live without electricity?  The stats are a bit outdated, but the principle remains the same.  The first world has champagne problems.

As I write this, I am sipping my fair trade Laughing Man coffee (super yummy), my son is creating art with actual paper and pencils and we are enjoying a beautiful sunny cool fall day on the deck in our backyard.  We have a wonderful home, a beautiful big yard, and my husband and I both have jobs.  Our bellies are always full, and we can pull out water from any faucet (or our fridge) whenever the notion strikes.  And my son had enough in our house to break something every single day in one week and still, our house functioned just fine. I find a gratitude attitude starts with the right mind set – reset your mind.

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2. RENEW YOUR MIND: If you are like me at all, what you watch, read, scroll through, etc. all affect your state of mind.  When I watch scary movies, I get scared.  When I focus on the negative comments in a scroll, my mind is negative.  When I read an intense book, my anxiety rises.  We need to renew our minds – start treating them like we do our bodies. 

Just like a healthy body needs exercise and quality food nutrition, a mind needs exercise and quality food nourishment.  Reading is essential to renewing your mind.  Don’t just read novels (though I like those).  I find reading historical books, world solution books, and culture books help me to see the world from another’s perspective more.  I have attached some of my favorite books to help get you started in this.  

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3. MEDITATE: This sounds New Age and for some a little hippie, but what a difference it makes!  Most people picture meditation as sitting on a yoga mat with your feet crossed and saying,” om,” in a quiet voice.  There is so much more to it.  Meditation is simply the practice of focusing your mind.  What you focus on is just as important.  Focusing on whatever is true, beautiful, pure, lovely, admirable, think on these things.  For those who pray, this is a great time for that.  I find doing this throughout my day is beneficial to keeping my mind in a good place.  There are a lot of apps that can help make this a daily practice.  I like Calm and the Abide podcast.

4. WORKOUT I try to do a 30-60-minute workout four times a week.  Ideally, we should be moving our bodies cardiovascularly at least 30 minutes a day, but in life, I find that is not always possible. I have a love-hate relationship with working out.  I hate the getting started part…and doing the workout part.  But, I love how I feel when I am done.  I find I feel less stressed, more energized, and sleep so much better.  There are other benefits to working-out too – higher happiness levels, better success setting and meeting goals, improved memory, and concentration and so much more.  

5. GET OUT IN NATURE: In a world of computer screens, tablets, phones, and social media, we often forget the importance of getting outside. So often, people get their dose of nature from a documentary in the comfort of their own home. But that does not have all the same benefits of actually walking outside, getting sun on your face, and enjoying the sights and sounds around you.

There is a great article, The Positive Effects of Nature on Your Mental Well-being, published on October 16, 2020, that goes in-depth into the numerous benefits of nature. Here are just some of the highlights. Nature helps emotional well being, and memory focus (for those with special needs kids, this is a wonderful FREE tool). Nature lowers stress and helps those suffering from depression. Nature walks and other outdoor activities help build attention and focus. This is a great way to spend time with the family and increase school focus later. And one recent study shows spending more time outside and less time in front of a computer can help increase our problem-solving and creative thinking.

6. CHOSE JOY: This may sound the simplest, but it can be the hardest.  It is so easy to get bogged down in the nitty-gritty of life – the doctor’s appointments, the tantrums, the politics of the world, the pandemic.  There is so much negative out there.  It is easier to find the negative and focus on that than it is really to choose joy.  This is different than happiness (a fleeting feeling).  Joy is a deeper peace and understanding that it is good in the world.  Good will win.  Joy is actively counting our blessings and naming them one by one.  This is hard in a society where we judge each other instantaneously on 15 different social media platforms.  This is hard when everyone’s voice is fighting to be heard.  This is hard when we encourage the negative in our feeds.  To make this a higher priority in my life, I have ceased actively participating in social media – outside of this blog and its Facebook page.  Oh, sweet relief!  Oh, calmer and happier self!  I highly recommend at least a social media fast for a bit and see how it affects your mental and emotional state.

Having a gratitude attitude is not always an easy process.  It is often contrary to our society’s love for drama, negatively, and sin – let’s call it what it is.  Our society has been constructed to be all about Me and less about others.  When we change our perspective to helping others and focusing our minds on what is true, noble, pure, and good, it is amazing how grateful we are.  It is amazing how truly blessed we are.  It is amazing how these small actions can change our lives for the better forever.

For more tips and tricks on how to have a gratitude attitude, check out my Facebook page.