10 Steps to a Healthier Heart

On February 5, 2022January 22, 2022 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, health, life, Motivate, sleep, Special NeedsLeave a comment

It is that time of year again. Roses are blooming. Hearts are everywhere. The little-themed class valentines are appearing everywhere from Walmart to Amazon.

But February is more than a month of boxes of chocolates and Forget-me-nots. It is also National Heart Month. This is a month to take stock of our hearts. After a month of new year’s resolutions, how healthy is your heart?

Is your heart healthy physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? As we start this heart-healthy month, here are ten tips for getting your heart healthy and keeping it that way.

Growth through life

1. Develop a growth mindset: First, let us realize we are not perfect. We can be better at a lot of things. Failure is just a way something did not work – it does not make you a failure. Failures can help show us where we can work better, where we are stronger, and where we can modify things to better serve our purposes. Use these as fuel not capstones.

2. Get your priorities straight: When we lived in Maryland, we were so burdened by the stress busy on the go life, and we did not realize how much until we moved out of state. In the move, we realized we had our priorities out of place. We were so focused on work, school, and the appearance we were giving, that we stopped focusing on the real things that matter – faith, family, friends. We were lonely. Exhausted. Stressed. If we learned anything, it was to get our priorities straight. For me, that means God, family (husband then kid), myself, then friends, then my community. When I need to decide on who gets my attention and how beneficial it will be to my family, I think in this priority list.

Baby steps

3. Take it one step at a time: Every goal is a goal because it has not yet been attained. So, as you evaluate your life (and how far you have come in your new year’s resolutions), remember it takes time. Whether you have chosen one of these resolutions you can keep or something else, it is a process. The same goes with your heart. You will not wake up tomorrow and have perfect heart health. Do not set yourself up for failure. Remember, each day is a new day and getting to a healthy place takes time.

Crush that workout!

4. Let us get physical: I am the first to say I want to curl up with a delightful book by the fire or binge-watch a show on Netflix or Amazon. Although a part of my heart-healthy me (love myself) decision making, it is not a part of the physically healthy heart I want. We make it a priority in our home to work out a minimum of four days a week. We like our YMCA gym with classes and weights, but we have also learned to be able to use free YouTube workout videos or cheap online programs to mix things up or to be able to do during quarantine/gym closures. Just because you must stay at home does not give mean you cannot get your sweat on! I like Yoga Shred, Les Mills, and Piyo as great at home programs.

:et’s come up with a plan together.

5. Plan: This year my husband has set a crazy family goal for us – 300 miles in 365 days! If you know me at all, you know I hate running. But my husband and son love it. So, as part of our heart-healthy family, we run. We have a calendar on the wall that shows our progress and acts as a daily reminder to get out there. My husband and son are also much faster than me, but instead of leaving me to finish alone, they always make a point to run back to me (after they finished their run) and run the reminder with me. We start as a family and finish as a family.

I think you should give yourself a break.

6. Give yourself a break: I am a perfectionist. I loved 100% grades in school. I love a pristine home. I love things done well. But I have also learned to give myself a break. We are not perfect and never will be. The goal needs to shift from perfection to better. I will not run 365 days in a row. Not happening. My husband knows this. So, he gave me 65 days of grace. 65 days I do not have to run. I get a break! This helps build my emotional heart health and family heart health.

You’ll make time.

7. Make time: Part of any good health plan is to make time. As Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, made popular by the song Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds, says, to everything there is a season. Time to work out. Time to spend with God. Time to spend with your family. Time to laugh. Time to rest. Make the time to make your heart goals a priority. This might mean you take time on the weekend prepping meals for the week. Or you get an hour earlier so you can have quiet time with God. Or you take Friday night once a week to hang out with the girls. The trick is to set it in your planner and make it a priority. For me, if it is in the planner, it happens. If it is not, chances are 50/50.

Eat right, feel amazing!

8. Eat right: I am not a nutritionist, dietician, or doctor. But I am confident that eating right is a part of maintaining a healthy heart. It is also super important for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, weight, and has significant benefits for those with special needs. The gut is related to the brain and everything else. What we put in has an enormous impact on us. So, whether this means your goal is to reduce sugar intake, limit eating out, or increase protein and vegetables in your diet, figure out what works for you. I like the GAPS diet as a great way to start (not stay). This will allow you to see what your body thrives on and what may be harming it. It is also a wonderful way to get a baseline on how you feel and your health. We did it for two years and learned so much about ourselves.

Gotta stay healthy.

9. Slowly replace unhealthy with healthy: No one should be expected to quit or start something cold turkey. The success rate is limited at best. Instead, try replacing things one thing at a time. According to Healthline, it takes 3-8 months to make something a habit. So, take it one habit at a time. If physical fitness is the key, focus on moving the body for three months before tackling the diet too (or vice versa). If spiritual health is your focus, focus on adding in a devotional or meditation before also adding a small group or class. If emotional health is key, focus on adding quality time with family and friends before adding the next ten meetups you can find. Pick one thing for a minimum of three months and replace the unhealthy habit you want to discard from your life. Slow and steady wins the race.

Get enough sleep

10. Get enough sleep: Ever notice how no one ever says they hate sleep.? There is a reason for that. Sleep rejuvenates us and heals us. Our bodies do amazing things while we sleep to make us better and stronger. It also helps clear our brains and gives our brains the ability to make wiser and healthy choices with our family, friends, and communities. A wonderful way to have a healthy physical and emotional heart is to get enough quality sleep. If sleep is a hard thing for you or someone you love, as it has been for me and my son, then I encourage you to take a look at these 10 steps to a better night’s sleep that helped us.

So, whether your goal is to be more heart-healthy spiritually, emotionally, or physically, you can do more than you think you can. May these steps work as an encouragement to you as you and I work toward healthier living.

12 Steps to Staying on Budget and Living Your Best Life

On January 29, 2022January 15, 2022 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In finances, goals, money, Motivate, new year's resolutionLeave a comment

As we close out January, many have been looking at how to get a healthier grasp around their budgets. How to budget and what should be included are really considered as the credit card bills from December’s Christmas spending come in.

Those with kids are trying to figure out a way to better teach kids what it means to have a budget and that can be quite a difficult conversation. For basic starters, check out this blog on 6 Steps to Taking the Fear out of Finances. For those who want to dive a bit more, we are going to look today at the 10 steps my family uses to make and stay on budget while living our best life.

My husband and I both grew up in families where money was tight. We did not get the newest and greatest things as they came out. We ate meals at home and brown-bagged it to school. In college, having to pay for it entirely on my own, I was no stranger to Ramen noodles. During this time, I learned the value of food closets because I often needed them to eat so I could pay my school bill. I worked six jobs and went to school full time. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree entirely debt-free and my graduate school loans were paid off two years early. Other than our house, we are entirely debt-free.

Though we are not financial gurus, we do know a thing or two about how to budget and have fun. Here are some of our takeaways:

What’s a budget?

1. Make a budget: This seems basic, but you would be surprised how many do not actually do this. There are three easy steps to doing this:

Look at the past: The best way is to take the bank account statement for the last month (three months is best) and really look at each transaction. How much do you pay in bills? Do these fluctuate (like utilities) or are all flat rates? How much do you spend on gas? Food? Phone? Subscriptions? Entertainment? Once this is done, you get a good idea of not only where you are spending your money, but where your values are.
Look at your income: How much do you bring in a month? Is this more or less than what you spend?
Start with bills: Whatever subscriptions and plans you pay for and don’t use – close the accounts. Next, always start with bills. Ensure the income pays those first. Next, have a line item for food, entertainment, giving, savings, and emergencies. Allot your money as needed.

2. Make a Wish List: In an instance “click here” to check out with the one-click world, it is easy to spend more money than you think faster than you think. Instead, make a wish list (especially for those big-ticket items). Take the time to research the best options. If not an emergency (which you have been saving in the budget), take a month or three and see if you really need it or it was just a momentary want. If the latter, you just saved money.

3. Eat out less: I love food. I say that all the time. But eating out is not only costly to my waistline it is costly to my bottom line. Eating out with friends and family for special occasions is fine (budget for this). But, in general, we try to eat out less than once a week. We eat better, feel better, and our bottom line stays in the black. This is also great for keeping up those new year’s resolutions and ensuring they work for you.

Second hand shopping – great steals and good for a budget.

4. Buy second hand: Growing up second had got a bad rap. Clothes bought second-hand would label you as poor or ugly. In reality, that Nike hoodie your friend’s parent spent $60.00 on, my parent got looking brand new for $500. So many places now make it easy to buy gently loved secondhand clothes, tools, games, décor, and so much! Brand names even now have a “gently loved” section you can usually get a great deal on when you need to. Check out Craigslist, Poshmark, and Marketplace to get started. We once got a $5,000.00 elliptical machine (used times by the owner) for $500.00.

5. Use what you have: Instead of going to the store when you need an item for a recipe, plan your meals ahead. Don’t have the time? See what you have in your pantry/fridge that can be used as a substitute. So often there are quick fixes already in our home that make great meals. Eat leftovers. Re-purpose old toys, clothes, and furniture. We turn our thinned towels into towels used when we work on the car or clean the garage. We reuse fabric. There are so many options.

6. Look for Deals: Coupons are great! I am not an extreme couponer, but I know some people who are. I know a family who has not spent more than $5.00 on groceries for a family of four in three years. Coupons are great a way to stay on budget. Many museums, zoos, and aquariums provide discounts to certain groups and even free days to enjoy and see if you want to come back. Some will even discount the price of admission depending on how many hours are left in their business day. We use these free and discount days often. We have seen some great culture this way.

Patience, grasshipper.

7. Wait: Seeing a movie in theatres is great fun! But it can also be greatly expensive. Add in the price of admission, a drink, snacks, and popcorn and you for a family of four you are looking at close to a car payment! For these types of activities, wait till they come to streaming or DVD. Then you can view them at home in your comfort and have spent a fraction on the snacks while still enjoying family time.

8. Plan for Emergencies: Life happens. Cars break. Kids see doctors. Cavities happen. Without saving, these costs can be costly and harmful to the bottom line. Instead of dealing with the emergency plan for one. One line item of the budget should be about 10% of your budget solely to be set aside for emergencies. Then when they hit, you are prepared and way less stressed with the results.

Photo by u0410u043du043du0430 u0413u0430u043bu0430u0448u0435u0432u0430 on Pexels.com

9. Fill your time with other activities: For those who use shopping and eating out as a way to socialize, I understand how hard this can be. But it is not impossible. Instead of shopping or eating when stressed or hanging out, fill the time with another activity. Work on your new year’s resolution. Read a book. Do some art. Get outside and walk around. See God’s beautiful handiwork in nature. Play a board game. Make up a new game. Talk with your friends and family. There are so many options that do not involve money and best of all, they grow your friendships more.

10. DIY: As a military spouse who has been through deployments/TDYs, it is Neuton’s Law that when a spouse leaves, everything breaks. The last deployment I kept a list of everything that broke and had to be replaced from our washer to the shower rack. We have learned to fix things ourselves. There are so many classes and tutorials out there, it is so easy to not only do the fixing for less (sometimes with items you already have). Repairs to the car and house can often be done at a fraction of the cost when you do it yourself. ***NOTE: Do not attempt anything a license professional will need to do unless you are a licensed professional.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

11. Give: When you give, you get. We take 10% of our budget and use it to give. Great places to give where your money is multiplied are non-profits and churches. There is so much need in the world, giving just 10% won’t make a huge impact. But if all of us did that, oh what a difference that would make!

I love saving money so much.

12. Save: We talked about emergencies, but savings should go beyond that. Want to go to college? Scale Mount Everest? Travel the world? 10% of your savings should be set aside for these wonderful dreams! Then when the time comes you have the funds without stress. You are not taking from your bottom line and, if you have put this in a savings account, you made money on it from interest. The longer it sits the more money you make.

Staying on a budget doesn’t have to be scary or hard. When we get back to the basics, things fall into place. These simple changes will help you stay on budget, strengthen your relationships, and de-stress your life. Now go out and enjoy your best life!

15 Easy New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

On January 15, 2022January 9, 2022 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Behavior, goals, Motivate, new years resolution, Special Needs2 Comments

We are halfway through January and (with all the spikes in COVID cases) and the holiday hullabaloo behind us, perhaps you have forgotten about New Year’s Resolutions. It can be easy to get lost in the fast-paced world of life and then feel like you are already behind.

Not to worry. I have compiled some of my top 15 favorite resolutions I have done (and some I continue to do) to help inspire you and your family to live a more animated life. Many of these are simple, measurable goals that won’t leave you feeling guilty at the end of the month (or next year).

1. Read a new book each month: This is a great one to do alone or with your spouse or friend. It is also a measurable goal and easy to do. Find new books that interest you and read them. I like to read with my hubby before bed. This is a great way to be intimate with each out and have a date night for free. Or, I have also enjoyed book clubs. Clubs are a great way to meet new friends and get out of the house.

2. Do something creative each month: This is a fun one. I have found using a subscription service to be helpful. Monthly getting a box of something new and creative to do brings a little more joy to the mailbox and the house. I then use what was created to decorate my house. Cratejoy has a ton of subscriptions for all ages.

3. Discover one new place each month: We all get into the habit of eating at the same places, going to the same places, and doing the same things. This is great for those of us who like routine. But, life is not routine (as much as I wish kit were sometimes). It is good for us to shake things up. So go out and explore your neighborhood or the world for that matter. Try something new and make some new memories.

4. Sleep better: This is one I try to do all the time. Sleep helps us function better during the day, have better relationships, think better, and so much more. Sleep is also what a lot of kids and teenagers struggle with. For some great steps on how to help with this, check out this blog on 10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep.

Exercise is good for your health. If a T-Rex can do it with short hands a big head, you can too.

5. Exercise more: I know, this sounds like every other resolution you have heard. And you would be right. But, let’s face it, we all work in front of screens, socialize in front of screens, get entertained in front of screens. Our bodies were not designed to just sit. Our bodies thrive on movement. We get endorphins, are happier, and look nicer in that swimsuit (summer is just around the corner) or jeans. But this doesn’t have to be a do-or-die goal. Make it simple. Just plan to incorporate a walk after work with dogs, or a run in the morning with your son, or just get on YouTube and enjoy a quick 25–60-minute workout. Make it a social thing and do it with a friend.

Eat better. Not less.

6. Eat better: I love food. I also like a healthy family. Gut health affects brain health. Gut health effects are particularly strong for those with neuro and sensory needs. We have learned how to incorporate healthy (on a budget) and enjoy really good food. The more colorful our plate the yummier our food tastes. Many of our daily recipes we use for entertaining as well and hear only “oo’s” and “awes.” Need help getting started? Check out these simple recipes.

Do something new.

7. Do something new each month: Sometimes I feel like I get in a rut. The best way to get me out of a rut is to try something new. Sometimes this is a new experience altogether (new food, new museum, etc.), but it can be as low-key or extreme as you wish. I know someone who used this resolution to give him the guts to go sky diving and another who used it to travel the world. Just recently, I did this by helping replace our stove range. It can be simple and little or something you need to get done on a budget or something big and grand. Enjoy.

Family night – a time for fun and family.

8. Monthly family night: Life gets busy fast. With sports teams, music lessons, study sessions, games, and friends, it can seem like your child is a roommate (who doesn’t help with the bills) the older they get. Take the family back. We like a daily mealtime together. But once a day over dinner (sometimes breakfast) is not enough. We like a monthly family night when we play games, watch movies with popcorn, or roast marshmallows by the fire. This is especially great when hubby is on swing shifts or 14-hour day shifts. We can plan a time together and not feel like it is crammed into the schedule.

9. Self-care: This is a hard one for me. My older sister has been encouraging me to do this for years. As a mom, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself. Truth be told, I haven’t even had a haircut since 2019! It is just easier to ensure my family has what they need and want first. But self-care doesn’t have to be hard or cumbersome. Have a glass of wine with friends on a Friday night. I like working out with friends (making friends and getting healthier). I love going to farmer’s markets and enjoying the sites and smells. Sometimes there is nothing better than snuggling under a blanket and reading. The important thing is that you take the time to plan for it. Because if you do not plan for it, you never will get it.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

10. Serve someone else: The season of giving is winding down. But it doesn’t have to end. No matter the season, serving someone else is so good for all involved. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads and focusing on the negative. The best way to do this is to serve someone else. This might mean teaching Sunday School at your church or volunteering with the babies. Or, it might mean sitting with your elderly neighbor an hour a week and reading to them or learning about their incredible life! Fear has taken hold the last two years, our elders have survived wars, sickness, and so much more. Learn and grow from their strength. Or volunteer at the local elementary school teaching how to read or simply cutting out and printing worksheets for the overworked teacher.

11. 365 days of gratitude: This one is so important to me. It was a resolution I had years ago and practice I continue. Gratitude is so important because it changes our perspective and often calms us down (preventing us from doing something stupid). Being thankful in all circumstances is a great way to not only change your world but the whole world. If we all just found one thing daily to be grateful for, imagine the difference in attitudes we would have.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

12. Monthly Date Night: I love date night! I covet date night! Having a date night is hard with a special needs kid. It is hard for military families who always move. It is hard for families with multiple kids who just have so much going on. Date night does not have to be a big deal. It is there to build and strengthen a relationship with someone you already love. Here are 12 great date night ideas we use and still keep in budget.

Helping people is right.

13. Service Project/Awareness monthly: There is so much pain in the world and so few people know about it, much less do anything about it. Take 12 months and learn about different issues (local and global). At the end of the year, pick one that you became passionate about and get involved. Serve. Do a campaign of awareness. Donate. Just do something about it. Be the change in the world.

Learn something and better yourself.

14. Take a Class: I know, most adults hate school. That is because we were forced to go to school growing up learning about things we don’t like. Our kids currently hate it for the same reason. But learning doesn’t have to be torture. Take a class with your kids (or just yourself) and learn something new. Always want to learn a new language? Do it. Duolingo is a free way to start and see if you like it. Want to learn a new hobby? Take a class at Hobby Lobby or Lowes. Want to be able to make your car repairs? Take a class at the local community college. Be open to learning more things. Learning new things is fun and healthy – and can help prevent diseases like dementia.

15. Start letter writing: Screen fatigue is a real thing. It is happening more and more often in this post COVID world. Everything is on a screen. Zoom and Google Chat have taken over our lives. We like to take a step back, put out real paper and pen and compose a nice greeting or letter to a family member or friend. This is a great way to keep in touch over a distance and have a keepsake for the kids when they are older. Try just writing to one person. Or write to someone different monthly. It is so wonderful to see what comes back in the mail. Enjoy.

Whatever you pick for your resolution, I hope it helps bring joy and unity to your household. May you be covered in Peace, Love, and Joy this year. May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back.

6 Ways to Make Your New Year’s Resolution Work For You

On January 8, 2022December 31, 2021 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, Motivate, Sensory Needs, Special Needs2 Comments

The new year has begun and goal setting and resolutions are upon us. The new year offers a time of reflection and retrospection. The new year offers a fresh start and a great opportunity to create a better life for us and those around us.

According to Forbes, for 2021, the “most popular New Year’s resolutions are about self-improvement (living healthier 23% of people, getting happy 21%, losing weight 20%, exercising 7%, stopping smoking 5%, reducing drinking 2%). In addition, people resolve to meet career or job goals (16%) and improve their relationships (11%).” Of those working out falls into three of those top goals (a whopping 50%).

According to FSU News, “on average, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February…it takes approximately 66 days for a habit to become automatic.”

So how do we combat this huge obstacle and make our resolution to be healthier happier people come true? Here are six steps I have taken to help me in the past and present.

Be Realistic: Do not set yourself up to fail. Be realistic in goal setting. If you have never worked out, it is highly unlikely you will work out six days a week an hour and a half. You likely won’t lose 50 lbs in three months. Set a goal that works for you. A good goal will be SMART. The more specific and measurable a goal, the better. Want more? Check out this blog on 10 goal setting steps to success

Specific.
Measurable.
Attainable.
Relevant.
Time-Bound.

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

Set a routine: The hardest part of a resolution (or any goal), is to incorporate it into your already hectic routine. By creating a routine where your goal is a part of it, you are more likely to be able to attain your goals. According to Northwestern Medicine, routines are essential to a healthy lifestyle. Routines will help reduce stress, increase sleep, give better health, and set a good example for your children.

Get accountability/work out partner: Progress is never made alone. We need each other. Find a friend or partner in your goal. This will help increase serotonin when you work out or work on your goal because you will be doing it with a friend. This friend can also help keep you accountable on days you don’t want to work toward your goals (and we all know there will be those days). Exercising with a friend is just more fun and it helps build your friendship. By including an accountability partner, you are more likely to stick to your goals and succeed. You typically work harder when someone else is around (because they are watching you) and it brings out the competitive side and spurs you on. Working out with a friend can be cheaper by splitting the cost of the trainer/equipment. Your accountability partner may have new ideas to bring. And, it just safer – you want a spotter on those weights or someone to run those trails.

Track Progress: I have said it before and will say it again. Without a way to track the progress, you can get very discouraged – especially with weight loss. Muscle weighs more than fat, so that scale may climb before it falls. Have a way to track your progress toward your goal. I like this habit tracker for my goals. But, for weight loss goals, I find tracking with a picture to be more satisfying. It shows the way the body changes over time rather than a scale that just reflects gravity.

habit-tracker Download

Eat Healthily: We all know we should eat healthily, but we typically do not. The words themselves just make it sound like salads and bland food or processed protein shakes for the rest of our lives. BORING! But, healthy food is the opposite! Eating healthy just means incorporating colors into your diet. Get away from processed foods and enjoy the great taste of vegetables and fruits. Don’t snack on chips, snack on berries. Don’t eat bread three meals a day. Replace at least two of those servings with veggies. Vegetables are so versatile you can have a different dish with a different flavor every night of the week for months. Limit the sugar and salt. Enjoy the garden God gave us. You will be surprised how good it all is!

Drink Water: This is probably the most simple and overlooked tip in getting a healthy habit started. Water is so beneficial to our bodies. It helps our bodies process every system. It helps our skin stay brighter. It helps us look younger. So, instead of that second cup of coffee, drink a glass of water. Have water before a meal, and you will eat less. Bored with water, add some flavor. I like to flavor mine with lemon, kiwi, mango, and other fruit flavors. Water doesn’t have to be boring.

Stretch: This one is often forgotten when people talk about working out. It is also often forgotten in most classes at the gym. If there is no stretch in the workout class, do one on your own. Research shows time and again, stretching is good for you. The Mayo Clinic provided stretching:

Improve your performance in physical activities
Decrease your risk of injuries
Help your joints move through their full range of motion
Enable your muscles to work most effectively

Research also shows stretching can relieve post-exercise aches and pains (we all hate day two of a workout routine), improve posture, and manage stress better. So take the time to stretch daily. This is a great way to help relax at the end of the day as well.

New Year’s Resolutions are great ways to get us towards goals. But they are only as good as the effort put in. If your goal is like half of America to live a healthier happier lifestyle, then try these six steps to ensure success.

9 Steps to Preventing and Stopping the Meltdowns and Tantrums

On October 13, 2020October 12, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, behavior, goals, homeschool, Motivate, Special Needs1 Comment

When people meet my son, they are often taken aback to learn he has a special need. We are often complimented on how well behaved he is and how polite. But, life was not always that way.

When our son was younger, could not speak at age five, and could not communicate to us anything without grunts, hitting, and kicking, we often felt like Annie Sullivan with Helen Keller.

Helen Keller’s first experience with Anne Sullivan (an ABA therapist if ever I saw one)

One Christmas, when he was younger, I remember walking into a store and my son pulling the most epic of tantrums because he could not get the toy he wanted. This was literally five minutes into walking into the store.

He threw himself on the floor, kicking, thrashing about, and screaming like a banshee. Words did not help.

The stares started. The condescending looks. My husband and I were faced with a choice: give in and get him what he wanted so badly or stand our ground.

I am stubborn…we stood our ground.

My son did not expect what I did next. My husband continued with the shopping trip while I hauled our son (kicking and screaming) back to the car. I then put him in his seat, shut the door, and stood outside in the safety and relative peace and quiet.

My son spent the next 15 minutes kicking, screaming, and hitting everything he could reach, in the safety of the car and seat. I was there ready to open the door at any moment should he become unsafe, or once he calmed down. The windows were rolled down a bit (all safety precautions were met).

Once he calmed down (and stopped seeing red), my husband and I were able to talk to him about his behavior and how that was unacceptable.

This was our turning point. This was when I began to dig into every parenting book for strong-willed children I could get my hands on, every podcast, Ted Talk, everything I could find out about our son’s needs, how his brain worked, and how we could help him overcome the challenges he was born with.

Here are the top 9 things we learned about how to prevent and stop meltdowns, tantrums, and mayhem.

1. Start Small: If your child is anything like mine, then you probably want to tackle everything at once. Potty training. Tantrums. Cleaning. Manners. Unfortunately, we do not learn that way. Pick one to three things you want to focus on. We chose behavior in a store and classroom and transitions from preferred to non-preferred activities.

2. Prep: So often I hear of parents who cave in the market check out line when their child starts a tantrum. Or parents tell me of how exhausted they are from calls from the school and parent-teacher conferences. I get it. We could time the first call from the school to the exact day in the school year (Monday week three). We once had three parent-teacher conferences in the first week and a half of school. What we learned, prep. Prep the child with what is expected of them and what they will earn if they accomplish it. Prep the teachers what is expected of both child and teacher. Teachers have to be on board. We had a system where I texted the teacher daily what our son was earning and the expectations. This was helpful for consistency throughout the day.

3. Be Consistent: I am a big proponent of this and will say it again. Consistency is key. If your child thinks he plays a parent against the other, if she thinks she can get away with something at school and not at home, if a child sees a weakness in defenses anywhere – they will exploit it! Be consistent and work as a team.

4. Incentivize: I get the most push-back on this. “I don’t want to bribe my child.” “I don’t want my child thinking they get a treat just for making choices expected of them.” “I don’t want to bribe my child.” I get that. First, an incentive is not a bribe. A bribe is reactionary – an in the moment choice: “If you stop throwing a fit, then I will get you the candy you are hollering about.” This teaches the child that enough public humiliation for you as the parent gets them what they want. An incentive is a contract. A contract between parent and child of what is expected on both sides. If you keep your hands in your pocket in the store/if you use please and thank you/if you finish your homework without asking, then you get a balloon/piece of candy/star on your chart. This is actually a great way to start teaching finances and economy as this is a practice we adults use daily. Work an hour and I will pay you $10.00, don’t complete the work well, and you are fired. Instead of hourly work, they are doing task work – like an independent contractor.

5. Diet: Food affects behavior. Food was not something we originally tracked. I am so glad we did. By tracking his food, in combination with behavior, we learned that within 24 hours (to the minute) of having dairy, our son would have very negative behavior. We learned that when he ate a lot of processed food, high sugar foods, his focus decreased and his attitude was negative. We later learned this was because he was having stomach issues (he couldn’t tell us his stomach hurt). A great cookbook that helped us get started on a healthier diet for him is The Brain Food Cook Book, written by a mom of a special need’s kiddo. I have to say, some of our favorite recipes are in this book, and the tips on how to do this without breaking the bank and how the brain works is incredible. Our son’s neurologist concurred and said it was because of his diet and his oxidated stress regime, our son did not need medication for his migraines and other neurological issues.

6. Medication: If you can avoid it, I personally recommend avoiding medication. In our experience, when Kennedy Krieger doctors told us they don’t know enough about the need and effect of medication long-term on children, we were very hesitant. However, the school system we were in at the time, told us without medication they would not teach our child. The daycare echoed this. (NOTE: This is not legal, and we should have fought it, but didn’t know at the time we could). The medication prescribed was only approved in adults with heart conditions. The bi-product was helping with behavior in children, but no long-term studies had been done. We later learned (three years on the mediation), that there were studies showing his medication could lead to cancer long term. They did help. If that is what you think is best for your child, do what is best for your child.

7. Oxidated Stress: This an imbalance of free radicals and antioxidants in the body, which can lead to cell and tissue damage. This occurs naturally. There are some peer-reviewed studies showing this affects everything from thyroids (almost 5,000), cancers (nearly 90,000), ADHD (nearly 2,000), and Autism (nearly 3,000). How do you combat this naturally occurring process? Fruits and vegetables are a start. We also switched to “clean” cleaning products (chemical free), decreased screen time, and increased time outside. We incorporated Protandim into our life. After a month on this vitamin, our son’s monthly to quarterly ER visits for stomach migraines decreased to none in the past three years, our son’s focus and attention increased (he is 11 reading at a ninth-grade level and taking a college music course), and he has been completely off medication for three years (taken off under the care of his physician). We get ours from Life Vantage (patented formula).

8. Track: It is important to only start one behavioral change at a time. Introducing too many variables at once will not let you know which ones do anything. We started with diet, then added medication, then dealt with oxidated stress – which eventually got him completely off medication. Track measurable things – how often the school calls, grades, attention while reading, how long it takes to complete a task. Below are some great resources we used, and use, to help us. I recommend making them editable and laminating them. This reduces waste and allows you modify based on age and behavior. Dry erase markers work great on these.

habit-tracker Download

weekly-calendar-tracking-1 Download

9. Celebrate and Recycle: Celebrate the win! Talk with your child about how proud you are of their progress. Celebrate the hard work it took them to accomplish that goal. Then, start the process over on a new behavior or more advanced behavior. Humans should never stop learning and growing. This is especially important for children. When one thing is mastered, move on to the next level or new behavior.

For more ideas on how to help avoid meltdowns and mayhem, take a look at my Facebook page.

10 Goal Setting Steps to Success

On August 18, 2020August 15, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, life, Motivate, motivation4 Comments

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.”
Lawrence J. Peter

There is something about the cooler weather and beauty of the leaves turning colors that bring a refreshing change in perspective. Nature is discarding the old to make way for the new. There is a fresh beginning in the atmosphere as school starts across the country and fresh excitement builds.

Starting a school year is a great time to re-evaluate your goals. Remember those New Year Resolutions? If you haven’t checked in on them yet, now is a great time. Never made a resolution? Now is a great time to set some realistic goals. This is a great time for students and parents alike to set up goals for the year. This is a great time to set up a vision.

Where do you start? How do you set goals that will make a lasting impact? Should they be long term or short term?

Let’s demystify the practice of great goal setting. Here are 9 simple steps to goal setting and achievement.

Why the secret to success is setting the right goals | John Doerr

1. Evaluate/Discover Your Why: Goals, by nature, are to help you become a better person, better at something. They are a progression toward success. Before setting a goal, it is essential you discover your strengths and weakness. What are you good at? What are you not good at? What skills do you have? What skills do you need? What are your fears? Weaknesses? Passions? Values? Knowing where you are starting from is essential to know how to get where you are going.

Don’t Be Afraid to Fail Big, To Dream Big – Denzel Washington | Goalcast

2. Dream Big: Life is short. What is the point of goals if we are not dreaming big! Some questions to ask might be if today was your last day, what three things would you like to do? What legacy do you want to leave behind? Why is that important? What does success look like in 3 months? 12 months? 5 years? Make a mission statement. Have a word to ground you this year. Put that mission statement and word in a place you see it daily. I use my planner and have the mission statement and word as my wallpaper on devices.

3. Triplets: Setting goals takes utilizing little action steps. I use the triplet technique. What three things will I do every morning and every evening? What three ways will I connect with my family and friends? What three things will I avoid? What three ways will I reward myself for success?

Everything About Vision Boards – How to Create and Use a Vision Board

4. Vision Board: I love a good vision board! I also, love one that is easily changeable. A good vision board should show the END GOAL. This will serve as motivation on those days you have no energy or desire to put in the work. Those days will come. I use magazines, art, leaders, and celebrities I would want to immolate, and quotes on mine. I have a financial advisor that had a voided check written out to him in the amount of $1,000,000.00 on his board with a glamourous house. I have a friend who wanted to go to Harvard. Her board had a picture of the school and the campus colors. Once you have a board, put it where you will see it all the time. My son has his in his room. I keep mine in my planner (so I can see it no mater where I am).

SMART Goals – Quick Overview

5. Set some realistic goals: Often I am asked if a student for school should focus only on academic goals. I say no. A student is a person; a person should focus on all aspects of their life when goal setting. When setting goals, consider setting personal goals, family/friend goals, and academic/professional goals. Each goal needs to be clear. Have a purpose behind the goal. The reason for doing something is essential to motivation to succeed. Set the action steps up right then. Set target dates to achieve. I like to start with three goals in each category for the year.

Target dates are flexible, but help give a deadline to work toward. These should be specific. The key to goal setting success is specificity and motivation. The more specific the goal, action steps, and target date are, the more likely you are to succeed.

6. Monthly focus/Action Steps: Each month, I choose a new word to focus on that supports my yearly word. I start the month looking at what I need to do more of and what I need to less of. This helps me set my monthly smaller goals in each category (personal, family/friends, and professional/academic. I also use this time to break each goal down into tangible smaller action steps I can reach in a month.

7. Track Progress: It is easy to get discouraged when you do not see progress. Good progress is slow progress. Those who follow me, know I love tracking progress in all aspects of life. I bring this same practice into my goal setting. Each month, I use the Habit Tracker for each goal I have. This lets me know which days of the month, how often I am succeeding, and how often I am not succeeding at my goals. This is a quick look at where I have succeeded and failed. I use this simple document (free download below). Each goal gets its own monthly tracking grid.

habit-tracker Download

8. Reflect and Review: Achieving goals is a process. We learn through reflection and review. Without evaluating where we have been and where we are, there is no way to achieve accomplishing what we set out to do. Weekly, my family reflects on what we are grateful for. Life is hard and failure is a part of the process. But focusing on this can be debilitating in a number of areas. Finding one to five things a week you are grateful for, helps change that process. Each month, we look at the top 5 things we accomplished. Then we look at where we failed to make progress (or flat-out failed). The Habit Tracker helps us evaluate. But, we also discuss how we are feeling about our progress and WHY we failed or succeeded. I know I am pushing knowing the why, but reasons we do things helps us understand our success and failures.

9. Revise: Reviewing and reflecting on goals is not helpful if you do not take action on what you learned. Use this time to re-evaluate and revise your goals. Life moves at a fast pace. What may have seemed doable a month ago, may not be impossible in that time frame. You may need to move your action dates. Or maybe, you realize a goal is not for you. This is the time to see what needs to change in your goals, your life, and action to make success a reality.

10. Reward: I love rewards! I am a firm believer in rewarding yourself for achieving the difficult. Knowing there is a reward at the end of the line, is great motivation to keep moving when things get hard. Sometimes it is a simple matter of making a deal with yourself. When a goal is achieved, or a significant milestone, reward yourself. Lost weight? Get new clothes. Learned a new instrument? Set up a concert or video share? Mastered the sewing machine? Share the product with your family and friends. Rewards can be big or small.

Goal setting is so important to self-growth, growth in business, growth in our relationships and so much more. Teaching our children how to set and achieve goals is a life lesson that will benefit them in more than just academics. Doing this together as a family will strengthen your bond. Goal setting as a family also gives an added benefit of built-in accountability partners.

Some Where Over The Rainboots

Category: goals

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10 Goal Setting Steps to Success

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