Category: Special Needs

Featured

10 Steps to a Healthier Heart

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, health, life, Motivate, sleep, Special NeedsLeave a comment

It is that time of year again. Roses are blooming. Hearts are everywhere. The little-themed class valentines are appearing everywhere from Walmart to Amazon.

But February is more than a month of boxes of chocolates and Forget-me-nots. It is also National Heart Month. This is a month to take stock of our hearts. After a month of new year’s resolutions, how healthy is your heart?

Is your heart healthy physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? As we start this heart-healthy month, here are ten tips for getting your heart healthy and keeping it that way.

Growth through life

1. Develop a growth mindset: First, let us realize we are not perfect. We can be better at a lot of things. Failure is just a way something did not work – it does not make you a failure. Failures can help show us where we can work better, where we are stronger, and where we can modify things to better serve our purposes. Use these as fuel not capstones.

Photo by Diana Agapova on Pexels.com

2. Get your priorities straight: When we lived in Maryland, we were so burdened by the stress busy on the go life, and we did not realize how much until we moved out of state. In the move, we realized we had our priorities out of place. We were so focused on work, school, and the appearance we were giving, that we stopped focusing on the real things that matter – faith, family, friends. We were lonely. Exhausted. Stressed. If we learned anything, it was to get our priorities straight. For me, that means God, family (husband then kid), myself, then friends, then my community. When I need to decide on who gets my attention and how beneficial it will be to my family, I think in this priority list.

Baby steps

3. Take it one step at a time: Every goal is a goal because it has not yet been attained. So, as you evaluate your life (and how far you have come in your new year’s resolutions), remember it takes time. Whether you have chosen one of these resolutions you can keep or something else, it is a process.  The same goes with your heart. You will not wake up tomorrow and have perfect heart health. Do not set yourself up for failure. Remember, each day is a new day and getting to a healthy place takes time.

Crush that workout!

4. Let us get physical: I am the first to say I want to curl up with a delightful book by the fire or binge-watch a show on Netflix or Amazon. Although a part of my heart-healthy me (love myself) decision making, it is not a part of the physically healthy heart I want. We make it a priority in our home to work out a minimum of four days a week. We like our YMCA gym with classes and weights, but we have also learned to be able to use free YouTube workout videos or cheap online programs to mix things up or to be able to do during quarantine/gym closures. Just because you must stay at home does not give mean you cannot get your sweat on! I like Yoga Shred, Les Mills, and Piyo as great at home programs.  

:et’s come up with a plan together.

5. Plan: This year my husband has set a crazy family goal for us – 300 miles in 365 days! If you know me at all, you know I hate running. But my husband and son love it. So, as part of our heart-healthy family, we run. We have a calendar on the wall that shows our progress and acts as a daily reminder to get out there. My husband and son are also much faster than me, but instead of leaving me to finish alone, they always make a point to run back to me (after they finished their run) and run the reminder with me. We start as a family and finish as a family.

I think you should give yourself a break.

6. Give yourself a break: I am a perfectionist. I loved 100% grades in school. I love a pristine home. I love things done well. But I have also learned to give myself a break. We are not perfect and never will be. The goal needs to shift from perfection to better. I will not run 365 days in a row. Not happening. My husband knows this. So, he gave me 65 days of grace. 65 days I do not have to run. I get a break! This helps build my emotional heart health and family heart health.

You’ll make time.

7. Make time: Part of any good health plan is to make time. As Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, made popular by the song Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds, says, to everything there is a season. Time to work out. Time to spend with God. Time to spend with your family. Time to laugh. Time to rest. Make the time to make your heart goals a priority. This might mean you take time on the weekend prepping meals for the week. Or you get an hour earlier so you can have quiet time with God. Or you take Friday night once a week to hang out with the girls. The trick is to set it in your planner and make it a priority. For me, if it is in the planner, it happens. If it is not, chances are 50/50.

Eat right, feel amazing!

8. Eat right: I am not a nutritionist, dietician, or doctor. But I am confident that eating right is a part of maintaining a healthy heart. It is also super important for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, weight, and has significant benefits for those with special needs. The gut is related to the brain and everything else. What we put in has an enormous impact on us. So, whether this means your goal is to reduce sugar intake, limit eating out, or increase protein and vegetables in your diet, figure out what works for you. I like the GAPS diet as a great way to start (not stay).  This will allow you to see what your body thrives on and what may be harming it. It is also a wonderful way to get a baseline on how you feel and your health. We did it for two years and learned so much about ourselves.

Gotta stay healthy.

9. Slowly replace unhealthy with healthy: No one should be expected to quit or start something cold turkey. The success rate is limited at best. Instead, try replacing things one thing at a time. According to Healthline, it takes 3-8 months to make something a habit.  So, take it one habit at a time. If physical fitness is the key, focus on moving the body for three months before tackling the diet too (or vice versa). If spiritual health is your focus, focus on adding in a devotional or meditation before also adding a small group or class. If emotional health is key, focus on adding quality time with family and friends before adding the next ten meetups you can find. Pick one thing for a minimum of three months and replace the unhealthy habit you want to discard from your life. Slow and steady wins the race.

Get enough sleep

10. Get enough sleep:  Ever notice how no one ever says they hate sleep.? There is a reason for that. Sleep rejuvenates us and heals us. Our bodies do amazing things while we sleep to make us better and stronger. It also helps clear our brains and gives our brains the ability to make wiser and healthy choices with our family, friends, and communities. A wonderful way to have a healthy physical and emotional heart is to get enough quality sleep. If sleep is a hard thing for you or someone you love, as it has been for me and my son, then I encourage you to take a look at these 10 steps to a better night’s sleep that helped us.

So, whether your goal is to be more heart-healthy spiritually, emotionally, or physically, you can do more than you think you can. May these steps work as an encouragement to you as you and I work toward healthier living.

Featured

7 Service Projects to Invest in This New Year

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Motivate, new year's resolution, service/volunteering, Special NeedsLeave a comment
Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

For those who have followed my site for a while, you know I am really into service.  For several reasons, I have found service to be beneficial to my family and community.  In a post-COVID world where everyone is worried about health and wellness, I would argue that a great way to stay healthy is to serve.  Serving feels good, can bring a sense of belonging, reduces isolation, and brings perspective to our situations.   For those who home school, we have found it a great way to create relationships and socialize.

Many I have spoken with have told me they want to serve, think it is a great way for them to invest in their communities, and even to help their kids with school and life perspectives.  But, they have no idea where to start. 

I recommend what my dad recommends, “Find something worth dying for and go live for it.” But how do you do that?  You have to get out there.  You have to look for it.  What gets your blood boiling when you see injustice?  What makes you want to cry when you see someone downhearted?  What moves you when you hear the story?  These are good questions to ask when you search for a service project.

In my nearly 30 years of service, I have served in every capacity from food closets to first responders and from human trafficking to military organizations.  Here are just 10 ways I have found you and your family can get involved and serve together:

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

1. Your local church: If you are stuck, the church, any church, is always in need of volunteers.  For the nearly 2/3’s of Americans who follow some religion, your local church, mosque, or temple is a great way to serve.  Help in the nursery or Sunday School; visit the shut-ins who do not get out bringing a meal or a book and spend time with them;  business-oriented people can lend that service to the non-profit and help with taxes or construction or facilities management.  There is no area a volunteer would not be welcome.

Credit: Monique Burr Foundation for Children

2. Human Trafficking: This is a growing industry with serious consequences.  Take a look at these stunning statistics reported by The High Court:

  • In 2019, 62% of victims in the US were identified as sex trafficking victims. 
  • One in eight endangered runaway youths is likely to be the victim of human trafficking.
  • 30% of trafficking victims are children.

So how can you help?  First, educate yourself in your local area.  If there is presently not a human trafficking task force in your local area, I suggest working with your local police to see what it takes to start one.  If you want to raise awareness and funds for non-profits on the front line, these are great organizations: International Justice Mission, Dressember, and Project Rescue. 

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

3. Food Closets:  According to Save the children, today, an estimated 17 million children are struggling with hunger in America – 6 million more than before the pandemic. And 2.7 million more families are going hungry. One of the best times of my life was when I was interning with a food closet.  Here you see people at their lowest.  But the heart of those serving is so inspiring.  Often, they would give more than required simply because they saw a need.  With many people out of work or underemployed now due to COVID-19, food closets are so important.  If it is a choice between keeping a roof over your head or food in your belly, many choose the roof and children go hungry.  These awesome community organizations help keep families together.  But more than that, many also help to pay utilities and provide classes on budgeting and finances to help people get back on their feet. Going to the closet too much?  Join and support the countless local and nationwide organizations that deliver food to families and senior citizens like Meals on Wheels.

“This whole generation of young people coming up are smart, thoughtful, and sophisticated.” – B.Obama

4. Youth Organizations: In a tech-savvy world, many think youths are self-centered and demand recognition instantaneously.  Although there is some truth in that, it does not consider the reason for it.  So many youths do not have a mentor or parent in their lives.  They are desperate for someone to take interest in them letting them know they are valuable.  One in four live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home.  Without a father, kids are four times more likely to be at risk of poverty, seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen, more likely to face abuse, neglect, abuse drugs and alcohol, have behavior problems, suffer obesity commit a crime and drop out of high school!  So, take a stand and invest in youth.  Volunteer at your local youth group or Boys and Girls Club, volunteer next to them through Feeding America or DoSomething.org.   There are so many options!

5. Build a House: In the US alone, in January 2020, there were 580,466 people experiencing homelessness in America (which has only increased since COVID-19). This is often a forgotten or ignored segment of society full of veterans, single parents, often working people who just cannot afford rent, foster kids who have aged out of the system, and many youths.  Instead of ignoring the problem, take the time to help.  We try to have a little extra something with us when we go out to eat to pass on to the man or woman living on the street, or (as my son taught me), when we see them and have no food, we give the sunscreen or bug spray I always keep in the car.  I have a friend who buys socks in bulk and hands them out (especially helpful during the cold months).  It is easy and helpful.  It also changes your perspective on life quickly. If you want something bigger, volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or another organization and see the impact you make firsthand.

Photo by Wyatt on Pexels.com

6. Veteran Organizations: Veterans signed up to do the dirty work of freedom for you.  Sometimes that means being away from families for lengthy periods of time.  Sometimes that means giving up holidays and birthdays.  Sometimes that means giving a life.  The life of a soldier is difficult and often comes with lifelong battles of healing (be it mind, body, or soul).  Give back to those who sacrificed for you.  Volunteer at the local VFW or DAVE.  Adopt a family whose parent is deployed by bringing a meal and hanging out once a week or month.   Small things go a long way with these families.

Photo by Barbara Olsen on Pexels.com

7. Special Needs Organizations: Many who follow this blog are parents/relatives of those with special needs.  If you spend any time with someone with this “label,” you immediately learn how wonderful, intelligent, and genuine they are.  You also learn how ostracized and lonely they are.  These people have so much to give.  Take the time to get to know them and help them.  Animal therapy is great for all needs (physical/mental/emotional).  Or help someone get the service animal and training needed for their daily living activities. A great organization to learn more about what this looks like is Ohana K9. Art therapy is another great way to get involved and help.  For those looking for a little more, check out Love Volunteers which has volunteer opportunities worldwide.  

Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

8. Bonus – Donate:  If the above does not get you excited, then there is always the donation option.  For those minimizing and cleaning out closets, this is a great time to donate your gently loved clothing, toys, books, and more to an organization that can make their impact increase.  So many organizations will come to pick up your donations to make it that much easier. 

Often our new year resolutions are self-focused.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to self-improve.  But, perhaps we take it a bit further this year and help others?  We can be the change we want to see in the world.  We can be the solution.  I encourage you to take the extra step this year and really enjoy serving our communities and families.   Together we can make this world a better place. 

Featured

15 Easy New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Behavior, goals, Motivate, new years resolution, Special Needs2 Comments

We are halfway through January and (with all the spikes in COVID cases) and the holiday hullabaloo behind us, perhaps you have forgotten about New Year’s Resolutions.  It can be easy to get lost in the fast-paced world of life and then feel like you are already behind. 

Not to worry.  I have compiled some of my top 15 favorite resolutions I have done (and some I continue to do) to help inspire you and your family to live a more animated life.  Many of these are simple, measurable goals that won’t leave you feeling guilty at the end of the month (or next year).

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

1. Read a new book each month: This is a great one to do alone or with your spouse or friend.  It is also a measurable goal and easy to do. Find new books that interest you and read them.  I like to read with my hubby before bed.  This is a great way to be intimate with each out and have a date night for free.  Or, I have also enjoyed book clubs.  Clubs are a great way to meet new friends and get out of the house.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

2. Do something creative each month: This is a fun one.  I have found using a subscription service to be helpful.  Monthly getting a box of something new and creative to do brings a little more joy to the mailbox and the house.  I then use what was created to decorate my house.  Cratejoy has a ton of subscriptions for all ages. 

Photo by Element5 Digital on Pexels.com

3. Discover one new place each month: We all get into the habit of eating at the same places, going to the same places, and doing the same things.  This is great for those of us who like routine.  But, life is not routine (as much as I wish kit were sometimes).  It is good for us to shake things up.  So go out and explore your neighborhood or the world for that matter.  Try something new and make some new memories.

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

4. Sleep better: This is one I try to do all the time.  Sleep helps us function better during the day, have better relationships, think better, and so much more.  Sleep is also what a lot of kids and teenagers struggle with.  For some great steps on how to help with this, check out this blog on 10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep.

Exercise is good for your health. If a T-Rex can do it with short hands a big head, you can too.

5. Exercise more:  I know, this sounds like every other resolution you have heard.  And you would be right.  But, let’s face it, we all work in front of screens, socialize in front of screens, get entertained in front of screens.  Our bodies were not designed to just sit.  Our bodies thrive on movement.  We get endorphins, are happier, and look nicer in that swimsuit (summer is just around the corner) or jeans.  But this doesn’t have to be a do-or-die goal.  Make it simple.  Just plan to incorporate a walk after work with dogs, or a run in the morning with your son, or just get on YouTube and enjoy a quick 25–60-minute workout. Make it a social thing and do it with a friend. 

Eat better. Not less.

6. Eat better: I love food.  I also like a healthy family.  Gut health affects brain health.  Gut health effects are particularly strong for those with neuro and sensory needs.  We have learned how to incorporate healthy (on a budget) and enjoy really good food. The more colorful our plate the yummier our food tastes.  Many of our daily recipes we use for entertaining as well and hear only “oo’s” and “awes.” Need help getting started?  Check out these simple recipes. 

Do something new.

7. Do something new each month: Sometimes I feel like I get in a rut.  The best way to get me out of a rut is to try something new.  Sometimes this is a new experience altogether (new food, new museum, etc.), but it can be as low-key or extreme as you wish.  I know someone who used this resolution to give him the guts to go sky diving and another who used it to travel the world.  Just recently, I did this by helping replace our stove range. It can be simple and little or something you need to get done on a budget or something big and grand. Enjoy.

Family night – a time for fun and family.

8. Monthly family night: Life gets busy fast. With sports teams, music lessons, study sessions, games, and friends, it can seem like your child is a roommate (who doesn’t help with the bills) the older they get. Take the family back.  We like a daily mealtime together. But once a day over dinner (sometimes breakfast) is not enough.  We like a monthly family night when we play games, watch movies with popcorn, or roast marshmallows by the fire.  This is especially great when hubby is on swing shifts or 14-hour day shifts.  We can plan a time together and not feel like it is crammed into the schedule.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

9. Self-care:  This is a hard one for me.  My older sister has been encouraging me to do this for years.  As a mom, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself.  Truth be told, I haven’t even had a haircut since 2019!  It is just easier to ensure my family has what they need and want first.  But self-care doesn’t have to be hard or cumbersome.  Have a glass of wine with friends on a Friday night.  I like working out with friends (making friends and getting healthier).  I love going to farmer’s markets and enjoying the sites and smells.  Sometimes there is nothing better than snuggling under a blanket and reading.  The important thing is that you take the time to plan for it.  Because if you do not plan for it, you never will get it.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

10. Serve someone else: The season of giving is winding down.  But it doesn’t have to end.  No matter the season, serving someone else is so good for all involved.  Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads and focusing on the negative.  The best way to do this is to serve someone else.  This might mean teaching Sunday School at your church or volunteering with the babies.  Or, it might mean sitting with your elderly neighbor an hour a week and reading to them or learning about their incredible life!  Fear has taken hold the last two years, our elders have survived wars, sickness, and so much more.  Learn and grow from their strength.  Or volunteer at the local elementary school teaching how to read or simply cutting out and printing worksheets for the overworked teacher.    

Photo by wewe yang on Pexels.com

11. 365 days of gratitude: This one is so important to me.  It was a resolution I had years ago and practice I continue.  Gratitude is so important because it changes our perspective and often calms us down (preventing us from doing something stupid).  Being thankful in all circumstances is a great way to not only change your world but the whole world.  If we all just found one thing daily to be grateful for, imagine the difference in attitudes we would have. 

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

12. Monthly Date Night: I love date night!  I covet date night!  Having a date night is hard with a special needs kid.  It is hard for military families who always move.  It is hard for families with multiple kids who just have so much going on.  Date night does not have to be a big deal.  It is there to build and strengthen a relationship with someone you already love.  Here are 12 great date night ideas we use and still keep in budget. 

Helping people is right.

13. Service Project/Awareness monthly: There is so much pain in the world and so few people know about it, much less do anything about it.  Take 12 months and learn about different issues (local and global).  At the end of the year, pick one that you became passionate about and get involved.  Serve.  Do a campaign of awareness.  Donate.  Just do something about it.  Be the change in the world.

Learn something and better yourself.

14. Take a Class:  I know, most adults hate school.  That is because we were forced to go to school growing up learning about things we don’t like.  Our kids currently hate it for the same reason.  But learning doesn’t have to be torture.  Take a class with your kids (or just yourself) and learn something new.  Always want to learn a new language? Do it.  Duolingo is a free way to start and see if you like it.  Want to learn a new hobby?  Take a class at Hobby Lobby or Lowes.  Want to be able to make your car repairs?  Take a class at the local community college.  Be open to learning more things. Learning new things is fun and healthy – and can help prevent diseases like dementia.  

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

15. Start letter writing: Screen fatigue is a real thing.  It is happening more and more often in this post COVID world.  Everything is on a screen.  Zoom and Google Chat have taken over our lives.  We like to take a step back, put out real paper and pen and compose a nice greeting or letter to a family member or friend.  This is a great way to keep in touch over a distance and have a keepsake for the kids when they are older.   Try just writing to one person.  Or write to someone different monthly.  It is so wonderful to see what comes back in the mail.  Enjoy.

Whatever you pick for your resolution, I hope it helps bring joy and unity to your household.  May you be covered in Peace, Love, and Joy this year.  May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back.

Featured

6 Ways to Make Your New Year’s Resolution Work For You

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, Motivate, Sensory Needs, Special Needs2 Comments
Photo by Oleg Zaicev on Pexels.com

The new year has begun and goal setting and resolutions are upon us.  The new year offers a time of reflection and retrospection.  The new year offers a fresh start and a great opportunity to create a better life for us and those around us.

According to Forbes, for 2021, the “most popular New Year’s resolutions are about self-improvement (living healthier 23% of people, getting happy 21%, losing weight 20%, exercising 7%, stopping smoking 5%, reducing drinking 2%). In addition, people resolve to meet career or job goals (16%) and improve their relationships (11%).”  Of those working out falls into three of those top goals (a whopping 50%). 

According to FSU News, “on average, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February…it takes approximately 66 days for a habit to become automatic.”

So how do we combat this huge obstacle and make our resolution to be healthier happier people come true? Here are six steps I have taken to help me in the past and present.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

Be Realistic:  Do not set yourself up to fail.  Be realistic in goal setting.  If you have never worked out, it is highly unlikely you will work out six days a week an hour and a half. You likely won’t lose 50 lbs in three months.  Set a goal that works for you.  A good goal will be SMART. The more specific and measurable a goal, the better.  Want more?  Check out this blog on 10 goal setting steps to success

  • Specific.
  • Measurable.
  • Attainable.
  • Relevant.
  • Time-Bound.
Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

Set a routine: The hardest part of a resolution (or any goal), is to incorporate it into your already hectic routine.  By creating a routine where your goal is a part of it, you are more likely to be able to attain your goals.  According to Northwestern Medicine, routines are essential to a healthy lifestyle.  Routines will help reduce stress, increase sleep, give better health, and set a good example for your children.

Photo by Angela Roma on Pexels.com

Get accountability/work out partner: Progress is never made alone.  We need each other.  Find a friend or partner in your goal.  This will help increase serotonin when you work out or work on your goal because you will be doing it with a friend.  This friend can also help keep you accountable on days you don’t want to work toward your goals (and we all know there will be those days).  Exercising with a friend is just more fun and it helps build your friendship. By including an accountability partner, you are more likely to stick to your goals and succeed.  You typically work harder when someone else is around (because they are watching you) and it brings out the competitive side and spurs you on.  Working out with a friend can be cheaper by splitting the cost of the trainer/equipment.  Your accountability partner may have new ideas to bring.  And, it just safer – you want a spotter on those weights or someone to run those trails.

Photo by Polina Kovaleva on Pexels.com

Track Progress: I have said it before and will say it again.  Without a way to track the progress, you can get very discouraged – especially with weight loss.  Muscle weighs more than fat, so that scale may climb before it falls.  Have a way to track your progress toward your goal.  I like this habit tracker for my goals.  But, for weight loss goals, I find tracking with a picture to be more satisfying.  It shows the way the body changes over time rather than a scale that just reflects gravity.

habit-trackerDownload
Photo by Spencer Davis on Pexels.com

Eat Healthily: We all know we should eat healthily, but we typically do not. The words themselves just make it sound like salads and bland food or processed protein shakes for the rest of our lives.  BORING! But, healthy food is the opposite! Eating healthy just means incorporating colors into your diet.  Get away from processed foods and enjoy the great taste of vegetables and fruits.  Don’t snack on chips, snack on berries.  Don’t eat bread three meals a day.  Replace at least two of those servings with veggies.  Vegetables are so versatile you can have a different dish with a different flavor every night of the week for months. Limit the sugar and salt.  Enjoy the garden God gave us. You will be surprised how good it all is!

Photo by Cats Coming on Pexels.com

Drink Water: This is probably the most simple and overlooked tip in getting a healthy habit started.  Water is so beneficial to our bodies.  It helps our bodies process every system.  It helps our skin stay brighter.  It helps us look younger.  So, instead of that second cup of coffee, drink a glass of water.  Have water before a meal, and you will eat less.  Bored with water, add some flavor.  I like to flavor mine with lemon, kiwi, mango, and other fruit flavors.  Water doesn’t have to be boring.

Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com

Stretch: This one is often forgotten when people talk about working out.  It is also often forgotten in most classes at the gym.  If there is no stretch in the workout class, do one on your own.  Research shows time and again, stretching is good for you. The Mayo Clinic provided stretching:

  • Improve your performance in physical activities
  • Decrease your risk of injuries
  • Help your joints move through their full range of motion
  • Enable your muscles to work most effectively

Research also shows stretching can relieve post-exercise aches and pains (we all hate day two of a workout routine), improve posture, and manage stress better.  So take the time to stretch daily.  This is a great way to help relax at the end of the day as well.

New Year’s Resolutions are great ways to get us towards goals.  But they are only as good as the effort put in.  If your goal is like half of America to live a healthier happier lifestyle, then try these six steps to ensure success.

Featured

10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In family, Motivate, parenting, screen time, sleep, Special Needs1 Comment
I’m SO tired!

We have all been there.  Three AM and you are staring at the ceiling.  The fan spins and you try to count the repetitions.  Sheep have been no help.  Your brain swirls with the thoughts of the crazy that was your day and dread for the day to follow slowly seeps in. 

Suddenly, the silence of the house is shattered by the bouncing bubbly kid in the room down the hall.  Energy pours out of his room.  Joy exuberates from him.  He is excited to start his day…before the sun.

You groan as you turn over.  You know today will be like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.  Why can’t this kid just sleep?  By the time he is asleep, you finally get a bit of me-time.  But me-time at midnight is never good.  This needs to change. But how?

There is no debate on how badly poor sleep affects us.  Poor sleep can hurt our hormones, performance, and brain function.  It can cause weight gain and increase the risk of disease (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). 

But, oh sweet, good sleep, can have incredibly good results.  It can help you eat less, exercise better, have better response times, have more control of your emotions, and increase of thought process (2, 8, 9, 10).

With New Year’s upon us, perhaps now is a great time to take charge of our sleep to have better success with our other New Year’s Goals.

Speaking from experience, this is exhausting for you, your partner, and your children. Here are ten tips we used to help our son (and ourselves) get on a better sleep schedule.

Photo by Sharad Kachhi on Pexels.com

Reduce blue light exposure during the evening:  Blue light comes from our screens.  We surround ourselves with blue light, especially before bed.  Checking our social media before bed may sound relaxing, but the blue light stimulates us (along with the social media).  So put a stop to screen time at least 30 minutes before bed.  We try for an hour on school nights. No TV, no video games, no phone, no computer.  Instead, use this time to relax and connect face to face with those you cherish the most. Click here for more tips on how to manage screen time.

Photo by Misha Voguel on Pexels.com

Reduce naps during the day/length of naps: I LOVE naps! But, we limit naps.  If we or our son takes a nap, it is usually on a weekend to allow a little breath before scheduled sleep.  When our son was younger, he could take a nap for two hours or more.  We quickly learned this was detrimental.  Now, if he takes a nap, it is limited to 15-30 minutes.  The best way to know you slept enough for a nap is to take your keys (or something else that makes sound) and hold them in your hands.  When you have slept enough for a day nap, you will relax enough the keys will drop and wake you up.  Perfectly refreshed for the remainder of the day without messing up your sleep that night.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Start a pre-bedtime routine: If you have followed me even for a short time, you know how much I love routine.  This is one of my favorite routines.  This is great for executive functioning and calming down for sleep.  We use this simple routine in our house.  After dinner, we brush our teeth, take a shower, and get in PJs.  Then we do a meditation/prayer and story.  This typically takes 30 minutes if done correctly. This routine acts as a mental trigger that the day is ending, and it is time for bed.   

Photo by JESHOOTS.com on Pexels.com

Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time: This one is hard.  I admit.  Especially as more people and commitments claim on your time. Find a time that allows the right amount of time for your child to get enough sleep.  We kept an 8 PM bedtime for our son till he was a teenager.  Then we increased it to 9 PM on weekdays and 10 PM on weekends (unless there was a game/dance/etc.)  And let’s be honest, no good happens after 10 PM anyway.  We also keep a routine wake-up time.  Alarm clocks may be needed for the first few weeks to get the body used to it, but soon you will find you naturally wake up at the same time daily.  This is important even on weekends.  You might think sleeping in on weekends is good, but it can mess you up for the first few days of the week.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

Optimize the bedroom: The room is a sanctuary.  It should be a place where you feel safe and comfortable.  The best sleep happens in comfortable rooms.  Here are some things we use to help our family sleep:

  • No screens: There are no screens in our son’s bedroom.  No computer. No phone. No TV.  These produce light, sound, and are an easy distraction once the kid thinks Mom and Dad went to bed.   
  • Blackout Curtains: These are lifesavers.  Two houses we lived in had a streetlight that shone straight into our son’s room.  These curtains helped block that light and create a boy cave for him.  He knew when they were drawn, it was time for hibernation.
  • White Noise/Soft Wordless Music: We lived off a highway in Maryland for years.  You often heard sirens and the like at odd hours of the night.  We learned white noise and wordless music were great for helping our son sleep.  Do kids share a room?  No problem! Try this awesome tool in the child’s pillow and they can listen to their own sound without bothering their roommate.
  • Temperature: A room that is too hot or too cold is prohibitive to good sleep.  The best sleep temperature is about 70° F (20° C).  But the temperature is dependent on your preference.  Test it out. 

Don’t eat before bed: When you are having trouble sleeping, it is tempting to find yourself in the kitchen eating. We often go beyond the warm glass of milk and eat a bowl of cereal or ice cream. Not only is this bad for our waistlines, but it is also bad for our sleep.  Your body uses sleep to restore muscles and systems.  When we eat before bed, we tell our bodies to divert that energy to digestion.  Save yourself and just say no.  I find when I am tempted, a good cup of hot tea is perfect.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Relax before bed: Relaxing before bed helps me and my family fall asleep and stay in deeper sleep longer.  Take a nice hot shower or bath, do some meditation or yoga (or both).  Read an actual book.  The blue light from a Kindle or iPad will be counterproductive.  Need some entertainment? Do some art or adult coloring pages. Take up a new hobby.  Sew. Crotchet. Knit.  There is so much you can do that does not require a screen. Enjoy learning about you and your kids.

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

Rule out a sleep disorder: This one is so important – especially for those with special needs.  Sleep disorders are real. Take the time.  Talk to your doctor.  Describe the sleep your child (or you) is getting.  Do a sleep study.  They are not scary and can be quite comfortable.  This can be eye-opening.  We learned a lot when we took our son for one.  One eye-opening thing is how fast my son can hit REM.  Once he shuts his eyes; he is practically in REM.  This means he is being charged faster than the average human.  Due to this, he needs slightly less sleep than other kids his age.  Taking with our doctor (who happened to see my son fall asleep in a routine checkup once) was so helpful in starting our path to successful sleep.  

Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

Exercise regularly: It is New Year.  You are thinking you will be at the gym five nights a week for an hour or two.  Let’s get real.  That is probably not true. But you should work out regularly.  Take a walk after work and enjoy the outside world.  Do a workout online or in your gym.  Start the day with a workout.  Just, do yourself a favor, and do not work out before bed.  This will increase your adrenaline and prevent the natural melatonin from working. 

Don’t drink liquids before bed:  This is important especially for young ones working on potty training.  This is a great model to use lifelong.  Drinking too much before bed keeps us up or wakes us up at odd hours. Waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom can stimulate your brain enough to prevent you from being able to go back to sleep.  Try to limit the liquids at least an hour before bed.

Wake Up Routine

BONUS: If all else fails, set rules for waking up the house.  This is so important if you have a child like mine who literally needs less sleep.  Here are some of the rules we incorporated that helped keep the rest of the house asleep and the house peaceful:

  • A time when to leave the room: If your child is waking between 3 AM and 6 AM, it might be helpful to get a visual clock and tell them when an appropriate time to leave the room and start the day is.  This helps with the telling of time and teaches family values and compassion.  Different children have different needs.
  • Give activities they can do: If toys are in their room, let them play. Books are a great way to keep them engaged and quiet.  Books do so much more too! We also allow our son to use his electronic drum set, but he must use headphones. 
  • Have a Coffee Rule: We have the One Cup of Coffee Rule.  Even if we are awake, the quiet of the house must remain until the end of the first cup of coffee.  This allows everyone to wake at their own pace and keep the house peaceful in the mornings.

We use these tips for our entire household.  It has changed how we operate, how kind we are to each other, and helps create a productive environment throughout the day.  These are by no means all the tips that can help you. I encourage you to try them.  Use what works for you.  Ditch what does not.

May this year be one full of rest, relaxation, and growth.

Featured

12 Days of Crafting: Enjoying Christmas Break With Your Family

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, Motivate, Sensory Needs, Special NeedsLeave a comment

The holidays are here. Christmas is finally here! Oh, what fun! The food, the presents, the time with family and friends. What a great season of joy.

But, after tonight, and once the holiday hype has called down, parents everywhere will be thinking, “What do I do with my kids for the remainder of school break?”

I completely understand. Without school filling most of the day, how do you keep a kid busy for a week or more?

Here are five great ways to survive the school break. Today I want to focus on giving a project. Here are 12 days of projects that can help you celebrate the season and enjoy great a product.

Buffalo Plaid Christmas Wreath; Credit: Carrie at Lovely Etc.
  • Buffalo Plaid Christmas Wreath: This project brightens any door in a classy way. This is fun way to liven up the holiday décor for this year and next.
Let IT Snow Wall Decor; Credit: Blooming Homestead
  • Let It Snow Wall Décor: I love the simplicity of this design. This can hang wonderfully in any room or on any wall and bring immense joy.
Jingle All the Way; Credit: Hallmark Channel
O, Come Let Us Adore Him; Credit: View Along the Way
Joy Wine Bottle Table Toppers: Credit: Sytletic
  • Joy Wine Bottle Table Topper: Reuse those empty wine bottles from Christmas by adding a touch of beauty to your holiday décor. Reduce, reuse, and recycle with this fun craft.
Mosaic Tree Table Topper; Credit: Handyman
Grinch Table Scape; Credit: House of Elynryn
  • Grinch Table Scape: What is the Christmas season without the Grinch? Bring in this fun Who-Ville inspired décor to the celebration.
Snowflake String Art; Credit: DIYonthecheap
  • Snowflake Sting Art: No matter what part of the world I have lived in, there is something about snow that makes the holidays – even when I live in the heat at Christmas. Add a touch of winter wonderland to your home with this fun craft.
Snow Frosted Candle Holder; Credit: Crafty Morning
  • Snow Frosted Candle Holders: Lights and lanterns are a tradition the world over for the holidays. Enjoy these beautiful candle holders as you prepare the way.
Joy Farmhouse Christmas Serving Tray; Credit: Create and Babble
Giant Christmas Ornaments; Credit: HGTV
  • Giant Christmas Ornaments: Decorating our yard is such a fun tradition. Add these simple ornaments and be the talk of the neighborhood.
Santa Wine Glass; Credit: My Paper Craze
  • Holiday Wine Glasses: New Year’s is just around the corner. Adding these fun glasses to your entertaining will bring smiles and laughter galore.

I hope these fun crafts help you find time to slow down and be intentional with your family. Families that create together, make memories together, stay together.

Let me know what fun crafts you like to do.

Featured

20 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays Across the World

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, Motivate, parenting, Special NeedsLeave a comment

I love Christmas. You cannot come to my home and not see Christmas in every room of the house (yes, even the bathrooms). But I also love culture. I got my master’s in political science with an emphasis on international relations. I love learning about other cultures and traditions. If you spend time at my house, it would be normal to watch documentaries on culture, anthropology, and archeology from all around the world.

Although I celebrate Christmas in the Christian way, I also like to see how the rest of the world celebrates. I like sharing this with my son, so he is more inclined to understand other people in the world and all the beauty they bring.

Toward this endeavor, we look at a different culture every week of the season and learn about their traditions, songs, stories, and food.

These are just some ways we have incorporated other cultures, traditions, and fun into celebrating the Christmas season.

Photo by Luisa Fernanda Bayona on Pexels.com

Christmas in China

  • Shen Dan Jieh (Holy Birth Festival): Families decorate their homes in evergreens, posters, and bright paper chains. The tree is decorated with flowers and red paper chains that symbolize happiness. Color is a big part of this celebration. We sometimes like to use the bright colored chains as our advent calendar to help count down to the big day.
  • Ta Chiu: This is a celebration of peace and renewal. The Chinese will make offerings to saints and read the names of everyone who lives in the area. We chose this time to find a non-profit to give to, give to our church, and remember those we love near and far.
Photo by Lisa on Pexels.com

Christmas in England

  • Christmas caroling is a big tradition here. People give carolers little treats (little fruit and nut pies are especially delicious). All the wrapping of presents, baking cookies, and hanging stockings happens Christmas Eve. This is one fun tradition we do. I wrap (my husband builds toys and things), and we watch Christmas movies with a nice cup of Egg Nog, wine, or spirit-filled fun drink.
  • Writing Letters to Father Christmas: English children write letters to Father Christmas then put them in the fire, so the wishes go up the chimney. We tweak this tradition by having a mailbox to Santa by the fireplace. Our son puts his letter in the box on Christmas Eve and Santa writes by Christmas morning.
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Christmas in Ethiopia

  • Ganna: Ethiopians celebrate Christmas on January 7 as the Ethiopians follow the ancient Julian calendar. For Ganna, people fast and dress in white, usually a traditional shamma (a thin, white cotton wrap with brightly colored stripes across the ends). They attend church at 4 am. We incorporate this tradition by dressing up on Christmas Eve in our finest clothes.
  • The Ethiopians do not exchange gifts during Ganna. If a child receives a gift, it is a small gift of clothing. To incorporate this, we do Elf-ing with our son. We find a family that needs a bit of extra love, and secretly help make the season better for them with food and small gifts.
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Christmas in France

  • Fasting: Christmas Day is a day of fasting and midnight mass. After mass, they come home and enjoy le Réveillon (nighttime feast). Growing up, I enjoyed attending the Christmas Eve midnight service. We move so much; it sometimes is hard to find one. So, we adopted my father’s tradition of bring coffee. and donuts to those security forces (local police) who have to work the holiday at midnight.
  • Christmas shows: Plays and puppet shows are popular entertainment (especially in Paris and Lyon). We always try to find a local production to watch (dance schools are great for this) to help get us in the spirit.
Photo by Maria Geller on Pexels.com

Christmas in Germany

  • Advent Calendars: There is something fun about counting down to Christmas. In Germany, they use an advent calendar where children open a little number flap to see the Christmas picture hidden there. We do this with pictures, sometimes tiny candies, and verses for the season.
  • Christmas Tree: The tradition of the Christmas tree started in Germany. Under the decorate tree, they arrange a manger scene. Instead of stockings by the fire, in some places children leave their shoes outside the front door filled with carrots and hay for St. Nicholas’ horses. We leave carrots and celery out for Santa with his cookies.
Photo by Mohan Reddy on Pexels.com

Christmas in Holland

  • The Letterbanket: This is a letter cake made in the shape of the family’s last name. Some families give a little “cupcake” version to every member. We do this, but instead of our cake in our initial, we bake one for Jesus.
  • Poems: During the gift giving, the giver also recites a poem written by the giver about the recipient. We love this. We decided to do this all year round by having a dedicated notebook to little notes and encouragements to each other to read and enjoy.
Photo by Francesco Sgura on Pexels.com

Christmas in Italy

  • The Italians use the manger scene in a lot of their decorations. We incorporate one in the center of the entertainment, so we are reminded of the true meaning of Christmas.
  • La Befana: Legend has it, La Befana was too busy cleaning house to help the Wise Men on their quest to find the King, so now she spends January 6 (Thee Kings Day) wandering through the air on her broomstick looking for the Christ Child on the eve of Epiphany leaving gifts and candy in the shoes of little children. We do not do this, but we do watch movies about La Befana in the original Italian for fun.
Photo by Ivon Gorgonio on Pexels.com

Christmas in Mexico

  • Las Posadas Buena Noche: Christmas Eve the children lead a procession to the church and place a figure of the Christ Child in the Nacimiento (nativity scene) and attend midnight mass. To incorporate this, we attend a city children’s parade.
  • Farolitos: This little tradition is when family members cut intricate designs in brown paper bags to make lanterns. Families then place candles inside the bags, and the lanterns are set alongside sidewalks, in windowsills, and on rooftops outdoor to illuminate the community with the Christmas spirit. My family lights the entire yard with lights. My son also makes additional decorations for the tree (or anywhere).
Photo by Tetyana Kovyrina on Pexels.com

Christmas in Spain

  • Christmas Day Reunion: This is a day for families to come together and enjoy a great feast (having fasted Christmas Eve. As we cannot always travel for the holidays, we use this day to call, text, and zoo family across the world.
  • Urn of Fate: Names are written on cards and placed in a bowl. Then, two names are drawn at a time. Those two people will be friends to each other throughout the coming year. My large family does a similar thing via excel spreadsheet. Each name rotates so a new sibling gets to think about and take care of the other for Christmas the following year.
Photo by WARLEY VENANCIO on Pexels.com

Christmas in Sweden

  • St. Lucia’s Day: Christmas really begins here on December 13 with St. Lucia’s Day. The Swede celebrate the patron saint of light. The oldest daughter will get up before dawn, dress as the “Queen of Lights,” and go from bedroom to bedroom serving coffee and treats to each member of the family. The younger children help. We like this tradition, but we serve each other cinnamon rolls and coffee after getting the house beautiful for celebration. We work as family helping with chores, making breakfast, and enjoying a slower morning.
  • The Jultometn and Julbokar: This tiny Christmas gnome comes on a sleigh drawn by the Christmas goat, Julbokar. In some families, a family friends dresses up in a red robe and wears a long beard to bring toys for children. In other families, gifts are left behind on the tree. After gifts are open, the families dance and sing around the tree. We incorporate this little tradition by leaving notes for our son throughout the season and singing and dancing is a part of our life, so we listen, sing and dance to Christmas carols.

Perhaps there is something here that you might do? May want to try? Let me know.

Featured

Slow Down this Season: Christmas Movies and Books for the Whole Family

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, Motivate, Special NeedsLeave a comment
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

How easy is it to get lost in the planning, gifting, and chaos of the holiday season? Do you find yourself exhausted? Overwhelmed? Anxious? Is the holiday season taking over your life (and not in a good way)?

I completely understand. The demands placed on people during the holiday sometimes seemed completely unrealistic. This can be especially true for deployed or separated families, single parents, parents of special needs children, and single people. It is so easy to get lost in the chaos.

How do we get out of the funk the demands can place us in? Change our focus. Stop thinking of “me”, and start thinking of others. If you are still having a little trouble getting into the season, try some old family traditions.

Part of the fun of the holidays is the books and movies that get pulled of the shelf and dusted off to enjoy. Growing up, my mom used to read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever to kick off the season. My dad would read Luke 1 to us prior to opening any presents. It was in these calm moments the real meaning of the season came alive.

I have continued this tradition in my own home. It is so special to pass this on to my kid and husband. These memories require no money, just quality time with those you love. When my husband was deployed during the holidays, this was one of the things he missed most about not being home. This is also what helps me stay grounded in the chaos when things start to get overwhelming.

So, I invite you to slow down with us this Christmas season.  Enjoy a cup of hot cocoa, snuggle up (perhaps by a fire), and enjoy these fun movies and stories. May they bring you as much joy as they have our family.

Enjoy the little things – be a kid at heart.

MOVIES

Snuggle up with a good book for the holidays.

BOOKS

I do hope these give you as much joy as they have our family.  What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions?

For more fun Christmas traditions, check out my Facebook page.

Featured

10 Practical Steps to Changing a Selfish Attitude to a Serving Attitude

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, gratitude, Motivate, parenting, Special Needs1 Comment

It is that time of year again. The snow is blowing. The lights are glowing. The turkey is on the table. And the toy catalogs have found their way into everyone’s mailbox (like it or not).

It is the time of year when our “perfect angles” remind us just how perfect they have been. When they do extra chores or are extra nice to siblings so they can remind us just why they “deserve” that special toy or one more present over than last year, or (you fill in the blank).

As the years pass, it seems the “need” for stuff grows like ivy – clinging to the hearts and minds of our dear little ones (and if we are honest, sometimes ourselves). So how do we stop this selfish weed from growing in our homes and slowly, silently, destroying everything our dear ones worked toward all year round?

The answer is simple: giving. Here are four easy ways to get back Christmas with a focus on giving. Give of our time. Give of our attention. Give of our resources. Turn the focus of the home from inward to outward.

But, how do we do that in this media-influenced, one-click purchase, instant gratification world? But maybe, giving is not the problem. Maybe it is a matter of the heart. Here are 12 ways we try to shift our focus year-round (but especially around the holidays).

Find the ones who need a bit more attention and point out the great things they do.

1. Give Attention: There are so many people in our lives that need an extra touch of love. Take time to notice them. Greet them and see how their day is. For those in middle and high school, take an extra two minutes to hang out with that “strange” kid or the kid at the lunch table all by himself. Chances are those are the kids whose stockings will be empty and/or there will be an extra seat missing at the Christmas dinner.

2. Check in on friends and family: We love writing to our extended family using snail mail. There is something nice about receiving a card, letter, or extra something in the mail from a loved one. My son has taken it next level and will include mini-comic books he created or add in recipes he thinks the other person will enjoy. This takes less than 30 minutes and brings delight and joy to all involved.

3. Practice Gratitude: If you have been following me long, you know I really believe in practicing gratitude. This past year I chose to take things even further to make this a daily practice. I have shifted my weekly calendar to reflect not the appointments I have or the deadlines I need to make, but what I am grateful. This shift has been so helpful during deployment and moving to keep me grounded and less stressed out. Here is resource I created to help my son do the same thing (though now he uses his school planner as well). It has been so rewarding to see the year in review (a great idea for New Year’s too).

family-weekly-calendarDownload
Credit: Dressember Foundation (https://www.dressember.org/howitworks)

4. Donate to organizations around you: Organizations that help others are often strapped for cash (especially during the holidays when more needs arise). Donating to an organization is a fantastic way to not just spread the wealth, but to open the door to talking with your children about why there are needs, how your kids can avoid being in situations that need the extra help, and why you chose that organization.

This year, I have joined the Dressember Thrive with Dressember Team to help support human trafficking prevention, intervention, and survivor empowerment programs around the world. Having lived in the highest human trafficking areas in America (Los Angeles/Huntington Beach, CA; Greater Washington DC area, pan-handle Florida), and spending all of college and graduate school campaigning for awareness and change in this topic, it has served as a great way for me to help teach my son about stranger-danger, what to look for, and how to report it

Forgive. Bring healing.

5. Practice Forgiveness:  The holidays bring about family. Family brings about questions into your life, you might not normally talk about. Family also tends to say and do things to and around you that you dislike. Although the holidays are a fantastic time for bonding, they can also break relationships. Instead of building walls or hanging on to the continued pain, use this time to forgive and let go. After all, the pain is only hurting you – not the one you are mad at.

Shine the spotlight on someone.

6. Shine a positive spotlight on others: No one likes to be at a family gathering where it is the “All About So-and-so Show.”  Nor do they want to be in the spotlight of negative attention. For those parents with special needs, this can be a challenging time of year with routine changes and high sensory impact. Instead of using this time to remark on how displeased, you are with how people act around you or children, or to complain about how they did not think about how to incorporate your needs more, take time to spotlight those around you.

  • Complement the chef if you are not the one cooking. Even if you do not like the food. Afterall, they spent all day cooking.
  • Give a shout out to the host or the in-law watching all the kids so the siblings can catch up.
  • Point out what a great idea someone had for a game or activity (and then let yourself enjoy it).
Compromise is always possible.

7. Compromise: I am the middle of seven children. You can imagine how difficult holidays can be when you are coordinating all seven children, their spouses, and the next generation. It may be time to compromise. Instead of doing gifts for everyone, just a family. Or instead of opening presents first thing in the morning on Christmas Day, you wait until December 26 or December 27 (we even opened on New Year’s Eve one year). Being willing can make the holidays sweeter in ways you never thought possible.

Road rage: Jesus give me strength

8. Watch the road rage: I have lived in the worst traffic places in America (405 and 101 intersection in CA, Baltimore/Annapolis, and the Indi-85 in Florida). It is so easy to get angry quickly in your car when no one will let you in to merge, or they are slow to start moving when a light turns green or, Heaven forbid, they are driving the speed limit. When you find yourself in this situation, remind yourself the extra two seconds will not change if you hit the next light or not and the other driver may be heading to the hospital in a hurry or coming from a funeral. You do not know what is happening in that car.

Donate time, money, stuff, or expertise

9. Donate your time: For some, money is tight. That means giving to local organizations seems like a burden. So, for those where money is tight, take time to help a local organization. This is a wonderful way to show kids firsthand what your time can do. Help Habitat for Humanity build a house. Serve a meal at a homeless shelter. Carole at the hospital or senior citizens center. Small tasks can make an enormous impact. Not sure you want to get completly engulfed in a project? Find an organization you really care about and ask how you can

  • Donate your time.
  • Donate your stuff (and make room for all the new stuff on Christmas).
  • Donate your expertise. It is amazing how many non-profits need editors, writers, tech savvy help.
Start small, end big.

10. Start small: The best of the holidays, for me, are the small traditions. If you are having trouble getting into the spirt, start small. See the city Christmas Tree lighting. Enjoy the local dance school recital. Have a cup of hot chocolate (and spring for marshmallows) with the kids. It is in the small things that memories are made.

I would love to hear how you enjoy your holiday season with the kiddos. Let me know your favoirte way to make the season all the brighter.

For more on how to enjoy the holidays, check out my Facebook page.

Featured

Three Steps to Great Friends

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Motivate, Special Needs1 Comment
Me with my two besties of over a decade and spanning three states and four time zones.

Transitions are hard. From deployment to moves to the “new normal” after COVID-19 quarantines, you can expect challenges to come at you left and right. Sometimes it feels like us versus the world. Sometimes that is true. But there is a way to push through, fight back, and end up on the other side better, stronger, and happier.

I watched a great movie with my best friend and husband recently, TAG. I laughed so hard! But, more importantly, it reminded me of my great friends who developed across the country and for years. It helped me realize the importance of friendship in transition (be that deployment, move, health diagnosis, or something else entirely). Here are three things I have learned about creating friendships that last a lifetime.

Photo by Creative Vix on Pexels.com

Strength in Community

In life, support makes or breaks you. Without it, you walk a tight rope with no safety net. With it, you walk a tight rope with a smile. A good support system includes people who are willing to walk with you in your best and worst moments; people who know when to check in because they know you; people who know when to let you figure it out because they know you and when to hold you accountable.

Ever notice how the most influential leaders surrounded themselves with a quality support system? Abraham Lincoln had his wife and Joshua Fry Speed. Martin Luther King, Jr. had his wife and Ralph David Abernathy. Gandhi had Charles Freer Abernathy. Jesus had the twelve, but within the twelve he had the inner circle of three. If they could not face the challenges of this world alone, why do we think we can?

As we walk through life, we must remember we do not do so alone. Every part of our life touches another’s. It is ok to ask for help. It is ok to let people in. It is ok to spend the afternoon enjoying a cup of tea with a friend. Do life together. For more ideas on community, check out my blog on thriving during transitions.

Friends get each other in the small things

Build a strong community

I won’t fool you – building community is hard. Letting someone in to see the real you is difficult. But it is SO important to a quality life. But there are so many people out there in it for themselves, how do you know where to start?

  • Start by choosing the people you want in your community. This could be family or friends. Church, community organizations, and volunteer groups are a wonderful place to start because you know the values and things that interest people from the start.
  • Serve. Serving is a terrific way to see people for who they are. Are they someone who genuinely cares about the cause or people? Or are they someone who wants the limelight? Is Instagram selfies how they spend time or do they invest in the people in from of them? Is this someone you want to invest in or have invest in you?
  • Spend time with people. My favorite way to spend time with people is by strolling a farmers’ market, playing games, or having a nice cup of tea/coffee/wine (depending on circumstance). It is in the conversation you get to know people. If you cannot do these things, write letters (I love getting mail that is not a bill) or Zoom/Skype someone. Just take the time. As for plants and a good wine, time makes relationships sweet.
  • Don’t tell everything about yourself at the very start. Take time getting to know each other. Be honest (but smart). Not everyone is going to be quality; not everyone is going to be in your life forever; not everyone is going to safe with your information. If you wouldn’t want it blasted virally on social media, keep it to yourself until trust and need-to-know have been established.
  • Don’t think a no is a no forever. Sometimes people are just busy (or stressed). They want to hang out and invest but have no idea where to start in the chaos of their mind and life. Keep the door open for future invites and be sure to check in on them to see if you can serve them. Sometimes knowing someone is out there who cares is just as important as spending time over a cup of Joe.
Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh tell each other they will always be with each other.

Be the Person You Want to Be Friends With

I have lived everywhere from CA to MD, in big cities and small (having moved 25+ times in 20 years). I can say (without hesitation) people are guarded, wary, and skeptical. They have every right to be. Today’s world is infested with social media telling us what we should look like, act like, be like. Let’s face it: magazines are photo-shopped -NOT REAL. Let’s own it: we put on social media the best of our lives and hide the not-so-great. Let’s take accountability: We prefer looking down at a screen than straight across at the face of who we speak to because…here is the killer….it is easier. Then we complain we have no real friends.

Tough love, but true. If we want genuine friends, we must, as Jesus said, “love our neighbors as ourselves.”  What that looks like is different for everyone (because we are all uniquely and wonderfully made). But the basic principle is the same: treat people with respect and you will have respect. Treat people with love (thinking of them above yourself), and you will be surrounded by love. The best part of this, when you treat people the way you want to be treated, it opens doors to new people, possibilities, and brings so much joy. So, why not?

Friendships enrich your life and improve your health. You can find so much strength in quality communities. Building strong communities can help in transitions from life-changing moves to life-changing diagnoses. They provide places to laugh, cry, and be real in. Being wise in developing community and friends can ensure you have lasting friendships for life.

For more on developing friendships and community, check out my Facebook page.