Valentine Fun with the Kiddos

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My son reminds me so often to celebrate the little things.  He gets excited for every holiday – EVERY holiday.  From Groundhog’s Day to Battery Day (February 18) to the traditional New Years’ to Christmas Day.  Need some fun creative days to celebrate, check out this fantastic calendar! He reminds me that each day has a reason to be celebrated. 

But, he also reminds me daily how hard it is to be a parent.  Some days, weeks, months (if you have that teenager), it is so easy to focus on the negative.  “My kid isn’t…. (fill in the blank) and should be.”  Grades are down, a call to the principal’s office, a truancy notice.  Some days it can be hard to want to love on our kids.

But, this month of love, I think we can (and should) do better.  Our kids need to know they are loved just as much as we need to know our spouse or significant other loves us.

Here are some ways to bring more love into your relationships with your kids:

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  1. Encouraging words. We parents are often so quick to bring to light the negative actions of our children.  And there is a good reason for that (discipline is essential to growth and development).  But how quick are we to bring encouragement?  When was the last time you told your kid you were proud of them? Impressed by them? Complimented them? This month, I encourage you to try to do this once a day and see how much richer your relationship with your child gets.
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2. Play.  This is so hard!  Most parents work and parent. By the time work is done, we are exhausted and tired and the last thing we want to do is get on the ground and play blocks or Lego with the kiddos.  We don’t have the energy to play a video game or draw.  When we spend time with kids, the adults typically chose the activity.  I encourage you this month, to purposely set aside 30 minutes a day where your child gets to pick the fun activity and then pour heart into it.  After all, aren’t they more important than a replaceable job?    

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3. Cook.  It is amazing what bonding happens over food.  The smells.  The textures. The colors.  Cooking together is a great way to get quality time naturally.  Teaching how to cook or experiencing new recipes and flavors together invites conversation, laughter, and play into the home. Enjoy the mess.  Enjoy the yummy product.  Enjoy the time with these precious children.

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4. Apologize.  How often have we yelled at our kids out of anger?  Frustration? Exhaustion?  How often have we gotten on to them about disrespect? Self-control? The choice of words?  Too often as adults, we do not practice this vital step in our relationships with our children.  Then we wonder why the attitude doesn’t change or the disrespect increases.  We must be willing to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness from our children when we respond negatively to them.  They will practice what is modeled to them.  Apologize.  Talk it out with them like you would in the reverse.  Grow together.  Be stronger together.

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5. Date night: We make it a priority in my home to have a date night with my spouse.  But, I think this same tradition should be made with the kids.  Quality one-on-one time with each child is essential.  It allows the child the opportunity to speak freely, laugh honestly, and get needed coaching without an audience of siblings.  It is a perfect time to pour in honest discipleship into the next generation – who loves you above all other people.  Once a week, take your kid out or spend some time in, just you two, and see how they prosper.

What are you doing to fan the flame of love in your children?

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

Loitering. Looting. Larceny.  The streets are full of people making awful choices.The headlines read of significant disruption.  It is scary – regardless of race, religion, political affiliation or health.

We live in a society where we wonder, where have all the good men gone, as a popular Bonnie Tyler song puts it?

We wonder how we have come to a place of violence over diplomacy, hatred over love, and narcissism over selflessness.

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It starts with our dads.  It takes a dad to teach manhood. 

Moms are great teachers of academics, compassion and mercy, but, sorry moms. There are somethings we women just cannot do as well as men. One of those things is teaching a man how to be a man. 

What our society is calling out for is for dads to be recognized for their importance and necessity. 

Before you read this and think, “I am single mom, I don’t have a choice,” or “my son’s dad walked out on us,” or “that is just not an option;” let me encourage you in is.

There are so many ways to be a father figure to the next generation that does not require biology.

There are so many ways to be a dad to those in your neighborhood, community, and churches.  All it takes is the willingness to pour into the hearts of kids and the effort of setting aside an hour a week, a call a day, showing up to the milestones.  Be a coach.  Be a mentor. Be a Big Brother.  Be a youth leader. Be willing to answer the call.

There are men who want to help. Men who want to teach and mentor; all they need is someone to ask. A group of 600 men answered a call to come to a breakfast at school. The results were astounding!

My brother and his beautiful family

One dad who has really epitomized this heart for love and mentoring is my brother, Jason Black (if you have time, check out his story of surviving two near death experiences and rising above it; you won’t be disappointed). 

Jason spent his years growing up helping take care of us (there are seven in total).  Having spent this time investing in us, we were not surprised he delayed having children.  What did surprise us was that he had four biologically and found he still had more love to give.  He then adopted two more. 

I was privileged to live with this family right after grad school for a couple of years.  I got to see firsthand the heart of this father.  He faced challenges of multiple kids, finances, and the strange looks as people saw his two children of color and one child with special needs.

Never did he let these challenges affect how much love he poured into his kids.  Each child, with different needs, are loved the same amount.  They are held to the same standard of excellence.  They are encouraged, challenged to be their best, and taught how to stand up for what is right and excellent while accepting responsibility and accountability for their actions – good or bad.

Khristian – the Strong and Confident

My nephew was adopted from the foster system at eight.  He struggled with identity, self-esteem, and accepting love – for good reason.  He had been in the system his whole life, in more than five foster homes by the time he came into our family life, and the stories he could tell you would astonish the most hard-hearted.  He had lived a hard life no child should have to live. 

When Jason and Tausha took on this opportunity to love someone more, they knew it would be a challenge (what kid isn’t).  This actually disrupted the birth order in the family making my nephew the oldest; it brought in anxiety and frustration to the house as everyone transitioned to a new normal.  They had been warned about having a child of color and the stigma, racism, and anger that would follow them around the rest of their lives. It would have been easy to quit or say no from the get-go. 

But they did not. They chose to love instead of ignoring.  They chose to accept this little guy the way he was.

Khristian is now a star athlete on the high school football team.  He was featured as an upcoming athlete to watch as he begins embarking on transitioning from childhood to adulthood and the college world.  He has grown from a shy child into a confident, loving, intelligent man.  This was possible because he was invested in by a man who was not genetically tied to him but is now tied for life through the bond of love.

Khristan and his three younger brothers

Khristian is a man who steps up in times of trouble and anxiety.  When his younger brother was bitten by a Western Diamondback Rattle Snake and spent two weeks in a hospital having multiple surgeries and treatments, Khristan stepped up at the house as a leader to his younger five siblings. While his parents took shifts at the hospital, he helped with homework, calmed nerves, and helped with all the little things that often get missed in times of great stress. He took the leadership learned from his dad and invested love where it was needed.

When I look at this family, I see exactly what our society needs.  We need more men to pour into the others. We need more Jasons who are willing to step up where there are holes in the community.  We need heroes.  We need to celebrate men and the importance of them. 

We can do better than looting in the streets.  We can do better than ignoring men.  We can do so much more than accepting the narrative women are better than men.

Let’s celebrate how much men have, and continue, to do for our children, our communities, and our nation.   Let’s spend this week leading up to #FathersDay remembering how important the family unit is.  The father unit is.  Let’s celebrate #DadsMatter, #BackLivesMatter.

Get involved. The nation has spent the past two weeks calling out for dad’s, mentors, and leaders to step up. The phone is ringing. Are you going to answer?

An easy way to celebrate dads this week is to join a youth group, coach a sports team, volunteer with a literacy program, or join Big Brothers Big Sisters. 

Don’t let genetics be what stops you from being the mentor and coach so many of our youth are hungry for.  Let me know what you did. Send me you stories and be sure to use the #dadmatter.

For more resources on how to get involved, check out Mentor, The National Mentoring Resource Center, and Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.