9 Tips to Ace Your Next Test

On September 1, 2020August 29, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In homeschool, Motivate, school, Special Needs, studyLeave a comment

You can do it

Schools are back in session across the world. Parents are all giving a collective sigh of relief. Lunches are being packed, backpacks filled, and routine starting again.

Ahh!

But, along with school and routine, are tests, quizzes, and the inevitable paper. Students across the world are giving a collective groan.

Uhh!

Schools do not teach time management, study tips, or note-taking anymore. These are all things that are supposed to be innate in our students these days. I disagree. I find these skills to be essential, not just academically, but professionally and personally as well.

Studying is an essential part of being a student in school or a student of life. These steps are used by my son at home who is reading 3 grades above grade level. These tips are especially useful for kids on the spectrum and help alleviate some of the stress that comes with school. Here are 9 tips to help you ace that next test.

You have got to listen

1) Listen and pay attention: This sounds so simple. In reality, this can easily be the hardest thing to do; especially if you have a mono-tone teacher, or find the subject taught to be boring. Listening (not just hearing, but really taking in the information) is key to comprehension. Pay attention is not just listening, but actively listening. Ask questions. Be engaged. Be willing to learn.

Take the time to get the full picture

2) Make sure you understand the material: It is really easy to think you understand the material in a lecture, but then get home and realize you have no idea what happened in that class. So, make sure you understand the material. A great way to do this is to use elaborative integration and self-explanation. Elaborative integration is asking how this information actually affects other areas of study or your life. How does math affect your career choice? How does the history of politics affect your personal life? Self-explanation is essential. Summarize the class to yourself. Teach yourself. If you cannot explain it to someone not in the class clearly, you need to study a bit more.

Skim reading

3) Skim, skim, skim: This was essential to me as I got higher and higher in academics and had more to read in a shorter amount of time. Skimming is essential to getting your brain in the right mindset to accept new material. Skim chapter titles, headers, subheaders, fist sentences of paragraphs. These will usually tell you the most important topics, ideas, and vocabulary likely to be on tests. These can be the beginning of your study session notes.

4) Take good notes: This is a hard one. Some students want to write down everything in a lecture – word for word. Some students only write single words. Both are poor notetaking habits. I recommend the Cornell Note Taking Process. These actually allow for you the places to incorporate elaborative integration and self-explanation. For those who are visual, this also helps for those who need academic doodling.

5) Distributed practice: I love this technique! Simply put, this means studying throughout the week instead of in one cram session. The Cram Session is a technique used by students throughout the world, but it is not helpful in long term retention. As academics (and life) build on each other like a high rise, it is essential to retain the information. Using distributive practice to ensure retention. Studying ten minutes a day for a subject (50 minutes a week) will ensure you retain the information and spend less time the day before a test (2 hours) trying to make sure to know the material.

We are talking about practice

6) Interlevel practice: This practice is great to ensure recall. This is mixing information when studying. For example, if you have ten vocabulary words and you practice spelling them each word ten times each, you would be doing distributive practice. If you were to practice the spelling words writing one word, then the next, then the next, and the doing this pattern ten times, you would be doing interlevel practice. This can become a really good technique as you mix subjects as well. We use dessert time to review grade-level material incorporating all subjects for this. This also ensures we are out of a school setting and can be a little more silly.

Study schedules ensure you understand the questions

7) Create a study schedule: This sounds like a given, but it is the most forgotten part of scheduling. Most parents make sure there is time for the extracurriculars of football, soccer, dance , and music, but then forget that studying takes time too. We have stopped holding our children accountable for studying until the day before a big test. With a study schedule in place, there is sufficient time set for all subjects to be worked on without spending hours every evening on homework.

Practice tests lead to more confidence during the test

8) Practice Tests: No one wants to hear more testing is needed. This is a great way to get a feel for what you know, what you don’t know, and where you need to spend extra time. You can create your own practice test using the keywords and questions taken in your notes. Or you can create flashcards and practice that way. The key is to practice. I like to start a session with a practice test early in the week, then use it at the beginning and end of every session following up to the test day.

Review often

9) Review Often: Most students will review. They just typically review the night before a test. Use your downtime to review (going to and from school or practice). I recommend reviewing the notes for the day at least 30 minutes after the class. If you use the Cornell Note Taking System, this is a great time to pull out those headers, vocabulary, questions, and work on your summary of the notes. This should take 5 to 10 minutes. Review the week mid-week. Review the material in detail the day before tests. Review of material often will ensure retention, clear focus during study sessions, and less stress the night and hours before a test.

Some of you (like most my family), naturally retain information with little work. But, if you are like me, acing a test takes time and effort. These simple steps can increase your retention, decrease your stress, and help you utilize your time management effectively ensuring a higher grade.

Let me know your favorite study techniques in the comments below.

10 Easy Steps to Successful Time Management – How to keep your School/Work/Home Life in Harmony

On August 25, 2020August 22, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In homeschool, Motivate, Special Needs1 Comment

Sometimes it feels like life is a juggling act. Juggling school and work. Juggling play dates and cleaning. Juggling parenting and being a spouse. Juggling life.

How do we find peace in the chaos? Simple. Time management.

Time management is not a complex theory of life, as some may think. Time management taking (or not taking) simple steps to make life easier. The continuous use of these simple steps will make you more productive at school, work, and life with an added benefit of decreased stress.

Here are the 10 steps of time management my family uses:

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

1) Allow time for planning and Make a List: Planning can often seem like a waste of time. But, this small step at the beginning can save you tons of time at the end of a project. We set a tentative plan for the month/week and modify as our needs change. Life happens, plans change. Planning ultimately allows for flexibility. We also use this planning time to make lists. We love to check things off. It gives a simple sense of accomplishment and keeps us motivated to move forward when things get complicated.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

2) Keep work with you: I don’t know about you, but I always seem to find downtime in my day. Whether it be while driving or walking to an appointment, or waiting in line, or waiting for a doctor show to a scheduled appointment, I wait. Waiting is a part of life. Knowing how to use this downtime efficiently can be a huge advantage. We have a choice. We can either scroll through a social media page or we can practice a new language or worksheet, or read a required book, or practice and review your notes for the day (study habits will be in the next blog).

That is not realistic.

3) Be Realistic and Flexible: It is really easy to over commit. We have to be realistic with our strengths and weakness. We have to be honest with how long something is likely to take us. Just as important, we have to be flexible. Some of the most highly effective people have a “bumper” set in every schedule. Do not schedule activities back to back. Include a “bumper” of time to account for meetings/classes going long, traffic, accidents, forgetting your homework/assignment, and needing to head back to the house. This will ensure you have flexibility without encroaching on others’ time.

Scooby says no

4) It’s OK to say NO: This took me a really long time to learn. If I am honest, I still struggle with this. It is OK to say, “No.” You do not have to agree to do everything everyone wants you to you. You are only human. Knowing your limits (time, personality, requirements for sleep), are all essential to creating quality products and lasting relationships. If you do decline, just make sure to do it with grace, and perhaps a referral. I like to decline with a “Thank you, but not at this time. Perhaps you can consider So-and-so. I think they would be very interested,” or “Thank you, but not at this time. I would be happy to donate my time to next month’s fundraiser/money to the event/set up the flowers to be delivered/etc.” This simple referral allows the other party to feel heard, valued, and perhaps come back to you for help at another more appropriate time.

Find Your Productive Time

5) Find your productive time: I once watched an episode of Brothers and Sisters, where a political character stated, “I have done more by 8:00 am than most people do in a day.” This really stuck with me; so much so, I changed my entire schedule. I am more productive in the wee hours of the morning than I am from noon to five. So, I ensure my workday reflects that productive time. I learned in grad school no one bothers me between the hours of midnight and seven in the morning. So, I set up my focus hours then. As a mom, I do not stay up all night but know I ensure I am at my computer no later than 6:00 am to start work. Before work is prayer, meditation. After work, I help with school, and then we do a workout, field trip, or fun activity to wind down for the day.

Work Schedule

6) Create a dedicated work/school schedule: Schedules are so important. They help keep you organized and ensure you have set time aside to complete the required activities. Knowing when you are required to work/school (and the prep time for each), helps to ensure you are not double booking, over-scheduling, or ignoring (for those procrastinators) an important task. The trick is to keep the schedule flexible as needed, but it should be used in the majority of situations.

Let’s See Your Budget

7) Budget your time: Budget your time like you would budget your finances. Track where you are spending time and where you are not using the time to your advantage. This will help you prioritize when is productive, what needs more focus, and where you can rearrange to have more productivity. B a clock-watcher. If you know what time it is, you have a better grasp of your time throughout the day.

T-Rex exercises

8) Exercise to clear your mind: Physical movement is so important to both production and retention. Study after study shows a connection between physical exercise and productivity at work. Some companies are even paying their employees to work out as it increases productivity, decreases stress, improves social connections, and oh, makes us healthier. For students, exercising after learning a task has been shown to improve memory and retention. So, burn some calories, get stronger, and strengthen your brain and production all in one thirty-minute workout.

Don’t get distracted

9) Don’t get sidetracked: Distraction is the key to failure. My son is the king of distraction. I can ask him to put the dishes aware and all of a sudden, I have a robot in my kitchen. The trick to time management is not to get distracted. We teach this to my son by using a HIIT timer. He attaches this to his belt loop and every time it beeps it reminds him a) to be on task and b) that the allotted time to complete the task is diminishing. To introduce this, we started it as a game. Now, he uses it for everything from a work out to clean his room. At work, I use the 25 minute rule. I work on a project without distraction (no emails, texts, or calls) and then can take a break between my next 25 minutes and catch up on all those things.

10) Get a good night’s sleep: I love sleep. Good sleep. The body was designed to do some of the most intensive work while we sleep. Our bodies rebuild and process the day while we sleep. Sleep is essential to process and retention, but also, for us to have the energy to complete another crazy busy day. Sleep helps us learn, strengthen our memory, increases our creativity and insight. Sleep does so much! (learn more, strengthen memory, increase creativity and insight)

Now that you have some tips, take this quiz on where you are in time management to know where you might want to focus your attention in the future. Create your time-use log. Do it for at least 24 hours. The longer you do it, the more you’ll see where you lose/waste time.

5 Easy Steps to Socializing Your Home School Kid

On August 5, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In homeschool, Motivate, motivation, Special Needs2 Comments

“I am worried about sending my kids back, but I concerned about socialization if I homeschool.”

“I loved the flexibility of homeschooling this last semester, but I am concerned about socializing.”

“I really want to homeschool, but I am concerned about socializing.”

Sound familiar?

This is actually the number one “concern” I hear when people learn we homeschool. It honestly makes me laugh – more so now that I know the changes districts across America are making.

When we chose to pull our kid from public school (for so many reasons), we were “concerned” about socializing as well. This was particularly concerning for a parent of special needs children who need the stream-lined socialization for more than just play.

The fears of the “weird home school kid” label and, worst, it becoming true, were a serious battle for my family. I did what any data-loving person would do – I calculated all the time he spent “socializing” at traditional public schools. There is no talking in class (unless a team activity, which was once a week at best). There is no talking in the hallways (too and from PE, lunch, and recess or assemblies). There was no talking on the bus to and from school. So, I was left with the 20-minute lunch, 15-minute recess, and 20-minute PE class on average most days. I added in another 20 minutes of “team activities” for grace. All in all, my son was “socializing” 90 minutes a day – at best.

From what teachers are telling me, with new COVID-19 measures, children will not be allowed to socialize with those outside their class, dividers will be put up between students at their desks, team projects are out the window, and oh, PE, recess, and lunch will likely be in the same room with the same kids they are not allowed to go within 6-feet of.

Then I considered WHO he was socializing with. Daily we were informed of bullying (my son was actually bullied by students, teachers, and aides). Daily he would come home with stories that would break your heart.

The kids he could hang out with without being bullied, well, their morals were questionable at best. Parents allowing elementary kids to watch movies like Saw and other horror movies, or who believed kids should not be held accountable for behavior because they are “kids and need to figure things out on their own.” The lessons he was learning from his peers were not love, kindness, and mercy, but hate, selfishness, and worry.

Weighing the pros and cons, we obviously decided to pull our son.

So, how do we get that 90-minute social activity? How could we as parents fill the role the state has been doing so mediocrely? Could we do it better? The answer was a resounding YES.

Our son winning the Gold at Florida State Championship

1. Team Sports: Many parents say they are exhausted between school and the numerous activities they do after soon. Homeschool actually offered less time “in the books” and more time to have fun. Our son joined a community team – first flag football and then track and field. He is held accountable, taught self-discipline, and has so much fun! He has been a state champion in flag football and in track and field three years running. I addition to some great local teams, check out Special Olympics – for streamlined and special needs kiddos.

2. Play-dates: I don’t know about you, but I love play-dates (even as an adult). The beauty of homeschool is I get to pick who my child spends his time with. Gone are the days were every kid in a 30-student classroom has to be invited to every party and play-date. Now, we got to know who he was spending time with, the values those kids were pouring into each other, and not have to do the obligatory invitations to kids we knew our son did not want to hang out with. Don’t rule out co-ops, small groups, youth groups, and Sunday School.

Community Serve Day making cards for senior citizens

3. Volunteering: There is so much emphasis in high school to do community service. A lot of schools now require this to graduate. But, why do we wait so long to instill that into our children? Volunteering is so important to the community and developing young hearts into compassionate passionate adults. Some great places to get involved are your local church, food closets, and community centers. We love working with senior citizens, writing cards, calling, video chatting! Our son has now started helping lead the young children at our church in Sunday School activities. I love it when my son gets to help out our local Rotary club serving meals, helping in supply drives, and more or helping Habitat For Humanity. See what your community offers, I bet it is more than you think.

4. Field Trips: Our son was lucky enough to go on one to two field trips a year. Field trips are so important for hands-on learning and socializing. People are more themselves when not in a traditional classroom. Since we pulled for home school, my son goes on at least once a month (COVID-19 aside). There are so many places to go for free and a lot of places have openings for homeschool groups. For biology and ecology, we took a trip to the Florida Caverns, for history we went to a live re-enactment of the Spanish colonies in Florida. There are so many possibilities! Even before homeschool, we would travel somewhere at least once a month just to see the world and new cultures. These are perfect outings for playdates, other homeschool families to join in on, or just fun for the whole family.

Photo by Rodolfo Quiru00f3s on Pexels.com

5. Extra-curriculars: Just like any kid, homeschool kids need extracurriculars. Our son has enjoyed learning dance and guitar. These are great ways to introduce other teachers while also helping encourage friendships to grow in unlikely places. Many community centers offer these classes for free or cheap. Don’t rule out acting, dance, art. Scouts are a great way to teach volunteerism and socializing.

It is easy to be concerned with socializing your child. I think we should be concerned about what that looks like regardless of where they go to school. As the old adage says, bad company corrupts good character. Homeschool offers an ability to know what is happening in your child’s life, offers more opportunity to grow and learn in a social environment, and allows you the opportunity to invest in the lives of those who hang around your child.

Whether you homeschool or not, I hope you consider these tips and how they can help your family grow together in love, laughter, and learning.

Starting Home School? Here Are 10 Great Curriculums

On July 21, 2020July 18, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In homeschool, Motivate, Special NeedsLeave a comment

This week I have had a significant amount of requests to discuss homeschool. Questions like “How do you homeschool while working? What curriculum do you use? How do you socialize your child?” and so many more have poured int. I will not answer all of them here (in August I will be focusing on the daily tricks for homeschoolers). Today I will focus on curriculums.

With changes in education due to COVID-19, a lot of parents are really considering homeschool. It is not an easy choice (even without the pandemic). If you are anything like me, you wonder if you will be a good enough teacher? Will your child fall behind in academics, social skills, and emotional development?

The good news is there is so much good news!

Homeschooling is not new to the world. In fact, for most of human history, parents taught children or tutors came to houses (if you could afford it). You know your child better than anyone, so you know where they struggle the most and where they can just breeze through. You can essentially create your own IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for each of your children. As my mom used to say, we have “different children with different needs.”

SOCIALIZATION

The first major concern is socialization. I get that. It was a big one for me. I will talk more about that next month. For those who have worked with me in editing or social media marketing, you know how much I value data. I have even used data in helping with behavior challenges with my own kid.

As any good data analysis would do, the first thing I did in answering that question was to track how much socialization my child actually got in school (note, this was done when my son was in elementary school). My son left the house at 7:30 on a bus and came back at 3:00. When I learned he was not allowed to talk on the bus, I removed any transportation time from the social component. Lunch was 20 minutes and the recess was 15. There was no talking allowed in hallways. And interactive work with children in the classroom had significantly declined – other than 1 class project a week, my son was learning next to and not with his peers. Taking all that into consideration, as well as really speaking with his teachers, my son was really only allowed to socialized 30 to 45 minutes a day. With home school, that increases so much with play dates, co-ops, small groups, sports, and so much more.

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

CURRICULUMS

There are so many curriculums out there. And the best part of home school, is you do not have to pick and choose. If your child is a verbal learner, there are curriculums for that. A visual learner? There are curriculums for that. Learns kinesthetically? There are curriculums for that. There are so many, we actually mix and match for our son.

As a researcher at heart, I spent six months reviewing and researching curriculums prior to starting homeschool. Here are some we use, why we use them, and some we don’t but think are pretty great. Many of the below have Facebook groups, local co-ops, and more for additional help and socialization for the kids.

1. Time4Learning***: They are relatively inexpensive with a monthly fee of $25.00 and a military discount. They also use a refer a friend program that helps decrease expenses. This is a DOD approved national standard-based curriculum. This is a great curriculum for kids with special needs.

This is our foundational curriculum. This is great for military families that move a lot because it is national standards and teaches to that. They have 4 foundational courses (math, science, social science, and language arts). Their curriculum is interactive, game, and video-based teaching a variety of methods to problem-solving. They also have built-in Time4Fun (recess of fun games) and the app is mobile so it can be done anywhere.

As I work from home, and reports are due to the school district, I particularly like the freedom this curriculum gives me to work. It has so many tools for reports (attendance, duration in class, scores, etc.) It allows me to input the amount of time a week, length of the school year, and pick and choose what I think is appropriate for the mental development of my child. It then plans the school year for me allowing to change the plan at any time to add in breaks, modify curriculum, and more.

This curriculum also allows my son to have a bit more control of his learning by giving weekly or daily assignments and checklists.

2. Easy Peasy: This is a completely FREE (yes, FREE) curriculum. They recommend a once-yearly $15.00 donation, but even without the donation, you can still use the curriculum. This is a Christian based curriculum. This has all basic subjects as well as Bible, computer, PE, music, Art, Critical Thinking and so much more. They offer Spanish as a language for middle school. (Time4Learning does offer Rosetta stone at any level, but it costs a bit more). This is our supplemental program.

This curriculum also has cash prize contests for writing and science. For those who want to simulate science fairs and excellent writing, this is a great way to help develop those skills with a great incentive!

3. Adventure Academy: This is a fun exploration web-based learning curriculum. They allow the learner to take some control of their learning process. I have not used this curriculum, but I like what is offered. This allows for a more social learning environment by allowing the learner to create their own aviator and work with other online learners. They are currently having a sale of 49% off the subscription – which drops this curriculum down to approximately $10.00 a month. It is super fun! This is interactive and has a lot of visual components.

4. Abeka: Based out of Pensacola Christian College, Pensacola, FL, this Christian based curriculum is used throughout the country and states both in homeschool and private schools. This curriculum has all basic foundation classes, reading, and Bible. They offer video lessons and standardized testing! Depending on your state requirements, that can be an essential factor. This one is more expensive ($100s to over a grand a year and increases with each grade). HOWEVER, they offer flexible pricing, accredited contents, and for those in high school, a DIPLOMA. That diploma will essential for those military families using the GI bill for their kids.

5. Classical Conversations: The basis of this Christian based curriculum based out of Southern Pines, NC is trifold: Classical, Christian, Community. The community that comes along with this curriculum is great for those worried about socialization. As you move to high school, the success on the SAT and ACT for those who use this curriculum is high. For middle school and high school, they offer trained tutors once a week. This is a great curriculum for kids with special needs! This curriculum grows both the social community and the independent investment for kids. If you are a working parent, the requirement for in-person get-togethers may be a challenge, but definitely worth looking at. If you cannot due the community part, you can still access their bookstore with great resources!

6. Liberty University Online Academy: This Christian based curriculum is fantastic. This one is pricey, but offers family discounts, military discounts, and payment plans. They offer structured and customizable learning plans, around the clock access to the curriculum and certified teachers. This curriculum does offer dual enrollment for up to 60 college credits. This is something to consider if your state does not offer this. Dual enrollment has the ability to let your child graduate high school with an associate degree as well! This curriculum also allows your student to graduate with a diploma recognized nationwide!

7. Duoling: This is not a curriculum, but a FREE learning resource. This teaches almost any language with an interactive online environment. Learning a language at a young age can help with communication, critical thinking, and socialization. This free program sends weekly progress reports and daily reminders to practice. With built in incentives of rewards and trophies (much like a video game), this allows your child to move at their own pace. We do use this, but we do not grade our son on this.

8. Supplemental Learning: I am an avid reader and believe, like Albert Einstein and Abraham Lincoln, that learning is done through reading. For those of you who follow my son’s amazing history, you know reading taught him to speak. In addition to the above, we incorporate state level reading into our year. This is approximately ten books a year. The book is read, a paper is written and a project is done. Projects have included everything from building Lego diagrams and book reports to writing a play. This is usually a month-long process, so my son learns how to executive plan at the same time.

9. Unschooling: This is a relatively new idea. This allows teaching children based on their interests and not following a curriculum. This is often termed “natural learning” or “independent learning.” This is not a curriculum, not a method, but a way of looking at children and life. A great example of this is the movie Captain Fantastic about a family that homeschooled their children in the wood. (Do not watch this with your young kids; this is rated R and has adult themes). This type of “curriculum” is an opportunity for you as a parent to educate your child in the way you think is best.

10. Tutors: Yes, tutors still exist. They are also great resources throughout the education of your child. A quick google search will generate thousands of results for tutors near you. A lot of homeschool curriculums offer tutors, but if you choose one without that and need one for your child, this is a great resource to consider. Prices will range with each depending on course work, grade level, frequency and more. This is a great resource to have in your back pocket as your children get older as well.

The best part about homeschooling is that it is fluid. What works for one child might not work for another. What worked one year might not work the next. There are so many options out there. You do not need to feel stuck in one curriculum ever. Do what works for your family.

Know too, that this is a change for your family. Anticipate growing pains for everyone. Give yourself GRACE. No one expects you to be perfect. We don’t expect teachers who go to school for years of getting trained to do this to be perfect. Teaching your kids will be hard (teaching anyone is). I have a teacher friend who once told me, “I love teaching, but there is NO WAY I could teach my own kids.” That is a teacher. Teaching your children is not without challenges. But, picking a curriculum should not be one of them.

Go forth in decision knowing you are not alone. There are tons of communities out there to help. Reach out to me anytime. I would love to know how I can be of better service.

*****As a member of Time4Learning, I have been given the opportunity to review their program and share my experiences. While I was compensated, this review was not written or edited by Time4Learning and my opinion is entirely my own. For more information, check out their standards-based curriculum or learn how to write your own curriculum review.

Silent Butler

On May 12, 2020May 19, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, family, homeschool, Impossible, life, Motivate, Special Needs3 Comments

Frustrated parent at work, home, teleworking, homeschooling at the same time. Arms on head looking frustrated. — Frustrated parent at work – teleworker -home

Most of the world has been operating within the realm of the same four walls for the majority of the year. Those in America have been at this at least a month, some longer.

Day after day I hear the same exhausted frustrations of parents: “My kids are driving me crazy! I keep repeating myself. I feel like all I do is nag!”

Well, you are not alone. We all get there (even in the best of circumstances). The question is do we stay there or do we something to fix it?

For my family, we do something to fix it.

Let me introduce you to one of our best friends and colleagues – Silent Butler.

Male servant preparing a bath at luxury hotel — Butler preparing a bath

Before you freak on the price tag, this friend has given his services for FREE. This is so simple it will shock you.

How many of you have asked your kid to clean their room, only to find it hasn’t been completed or everything has been shoved under the bed/in the closet/crammed into drawers?

Out of exasperation, you now beginning the powerplay of taking things away, the battle of either teaching to clean (or, be honest) doing it yourself. By the end of the day, everyone is tired, you don’t want to be around each other and you just feel defeated?

Enter Silent Butler.

Man sneaking a peak behind white shutters

Instead of going through that battle, hold your child accountable. An easy way to do that is a large plastic laundry basket (we use this one).

When your child says the room is clean. OK. Great. Go play.

Then take the basket, and fill it with all things left on the floor, under the bed, in the closet, out away incorrectly. (NOTE: You must have taught the proper way to clean a room and what Silent Butler prior is to implementing Silent Butler).

All those toys, books, TABLETS, video games, etc., that they claim to love so much, but do not treat as though they do, are now in the possession of Silent Butler.

But don’t worry, this is not forever!

When your child does something good, unexpected, helpful, you just ring the bell for Silent Butler. Things like helping a sibling with homework without being asked, picking up the dog poo or doing the dishes, (for those on the spectrum) having a good playdate or losing a game without a single reminder of good sportsmanship all can trigger Silent Butler.

The important thing is that it matches where your child is (age, mental ability) and it cannot be a chore already assigned as part of their daily routine.

When you ring that bell, Silent Butler rolls out once again. Only this time, instead of taking, our Butler is giving. The child can take one toy out of the basket. They have earned it back.

TWIST * TWIST * TWIST

Girls at desk looking at notebook helping with homework — Girls help each other with homework

For those with siblings, this becomes particularly effective. There are no rules on whose toys are picked when Silent Butler rewards.

This means if Suzy left her tablet on the floor in her room when she was told to put it away, and Johnny earned a Silent Butler reward, Johnny can pick Suzy’s tablet.

What does this teach?

I know you are wondering why use this method? It seems sneaky and rude. Well, that is true. But so is the world.

As parents, we are tasked with raising children into quality adults who contribute to society in positive ways and are aware that the world is not rainbows and butterflies.

This teaches so much:

1. Responsibility: Whose tablet? Whose responsibility? Whose homework? Whose responsibility? When you shirk your responsibilities, someone else will swoop in and fix it AND get the credit. Silent Butler begins as Positive Punishment/Negative Reinforcer.

2. Teamwork/Family building: Working in a family is the first practice of teamwork. We are teaching children what it means to be on the team by showing them responsibility falls on everyone. When we reward good extra behavior, it acts as a positive reinforcer that modifies the negative behavior. Silent Butler is now a Negative Punishment/Positive Reinforcer.

3. Integrity: What is done when no one is watching will be seen. What is done in secret will be shouted from the rooftops. All secrets come out. That is why integrity is so important. It is who you are when no one is watching (or you think no one is watching) that ultimately defines your character.

4. Accountability: Teaching accountability starts with parents. I have said this before practice what you preach. You must hold yourself accountable to follow through, kind words, and tones, working as a team. Once this is done, Silent Butler teaches that all kids are held accountable for their actions all the time. Silent Butler is ALWAYS in play. Both the good and the bad.

Before and after: messy room to clean room and ready to play — Before and after Silent Butler – now it only takes 20 minutes to clean a room not a day.

This is a simple idea that when put into practice can help SAVE MONEY on those reinforcers, help create a POSITIVE and HARMONIOUS environ for everyone in the house, and ultimately, help create HONEST, RESPONSIBLE adults to help create positive change in the world.

I encourage you test this out in your own homes. Give it a couple weeks. Track your progress and setbacks (there will be setbacks as with all changes). And let me know how this works for you. Don’t be afraid to share this blog with others you think might benefit from the simple induction of my friend Silent Butler.

You have this. You are good parent. You are a good teacher. You are a good coach. You are good leader.

***Disclaimer: I did not come up with this idea AT ALL. I was raised with this. The credit all goes to my parents who successfully raised 7 children and numerous “family friends” with to the sum of all six entrepreneurs, a lawyer, two opera singers, (one lawyer waiting taking his first bar), over fifteen degrees, all are fully employed, and the creation of two non-profits.

TGIF FUN Friday and How It Changed Our Homeschool World

On April 14, 2020April 5, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, behavior, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, homeschool, life, love, Motivate, optimism, screen time, Special Needs2 Comments

For those new to homeschooling, it can be very intimidating. Do we know enough? Can we have the patience? How do I balance everything?

You have come to the right place.

The last elementary school our son went to in Maryland implemented a FUN Friday routine. (Thank you, Tara, for all you do!)

When we decided to home school and work from home, we chose to implement this same thing. Using this incentive routine has been so beneficial in helping our son take responsibility for his own learning – and chores – throughout the week. For more on how to use incentives, check out this blog Let’s Make a Deal). Here is how it works:

1) Monday Start: On Monday have a checklist created of the school tasks assigned for the week. If you missed how to do this, check out last week’s blog Finding Balance: Telework and Homeschooling. Upfront, the student knows what is expected. This helps them plan their own week (a key executive function). It also reminds them their education is their own. You cannot be there all the time.

2) Four Day Week: No one wants to work more than they need. We spend two to three hours a day at school. With great focus, this is all we need for the entire week. The most we have ever needed was to spend four hours in one day. Whatever is not completed Thursday will roll over to Friday.

3) On Friday: Just because it is Friday does not mean our responsibilities cease. In the “real world,” we would still have family obligations (sometimes work depending on the schedule), and regular household tasks. The same is true for our son. The following must be completed PRIOR to FUN Friday commencing:

a. Chores complete: Who wants to play in a messy house? No one. All chores must be completed.

b. Thirty minutes outside: Sun is essential for healthy bodies. Imaginative play is essential for healthy minds. Time playing outside is a requirement. Thirty minutes is our minimum.

c. Read a book: If you have younger kids, a single kid’s book is fine. If you have older kids, depending on the book, at least one (sometimes two) chapters must be read.

d. Be Creative: Imaginative is play is important to development. Art and play are vital to many engineering skills, communication skills, and sometimes give insight into emotional health for a parent. Our son must be creative. Sometimes that is writing a comic book, building Lego, painting, or playing in clay. The options are limitless!

4) FUN Friday is here: This part of the day consists of whatever the child wants (within reason). Our son does not get a lot of screen time (see how we use it in this blog Is Screen Time Your Friend or Enemy). He usually asks for a movie. But sometimes, we use this time to go to a zoo, the aquarium, or another outing. During #socialdistancing, we do games, movies with popcorn, build forts, and so much more. The day is limited only by imagination.

We discovered this small change to education, has increased focus during school, allowed us to start teaching a new language, build on social skills, and increased our family connection in a positive way.

Now that homeschool is becoming a norm, I encourage you to try FUN Friday in your home. See how it goes for a while. Remember, you earn income, paid vacations, flex work hours for your hard work and focus at work. Let’s extend that to our children who need incentives just as much.

Is Screen Time Your Friend or Enemy?

There is something special about cuddling on the couch, snacking on popcorn and watching a new release (or an old favorite). Bonding over a laugh or squeezing tight during a scary scene. Priceless.

And yet, there seems to be a yin to the yang.

Behavior changes when we sit in front of a screen too long. Studies have shown too much screen time increases obesity, decreases the quality of sleep. My son seems to regress with each half-hour of TV. His attitude reflects what he watches. And, unfortunately, even educational shows like Wild Kratz displays negative behavior.

So, in a homeschool world, how do you balance the screen time?

Here is the good and bad of screen time.

animation-cartoon-cartoon-character-disney-mickey-mouse-piano-light

The Good

Children learn a lot from the screen. There is a great documentary, Life Animated, which follows a child on the spectrum who learns to speak by watching Disney movies. (Our personal experience reflects this method works).

There are numerous benefits to screentime. Children learn about social norms and cues. Film and television provide authentic and varied language that many would not pick up in a peer relationship. And most importantly, for children on the spectrum who think and see in pictures, television and film give a visual context.

The Bad

Unfortunately, there are lots of negative results of screen time. We copy what we see and hear. Kids learn and pick up so many things from the screen about dating, relationships between boys and girls, how to speak to parents and when to exercise independence. Often, this is done in a way causing harm to the cognition of the child.

Too often in American culture, we celebrate the celebrity and choice of stars and then complain about why our children act like them. We relish the drama and excitement of the racy, poor decision filled scenes; discuss and glorify them when they are not on. We wonder why our ten-year-old girls want to wear short-shorts and our boys want to curse up a storm.

HELP

So how do we find balance in the crazy that is homeschool? When our education is turning to the screen? Our free time is playing on a screen? Our family time is sitting in front of a screen? Here are three steps we use in our home that seem to work for us:

Use it as a reward. There is no reason a screen has to be on in every room for every person every day. Ensure school work, chores, playing outside, and being creative are completed prior to any screen time.
Limitation. Limit what they watch, when they watch, how long they watch. Limitations are good in all aspects of life – from what we eat to what we watch. We do not let any screens in our kiddos bedroom and use Google Chrome Cast which is mirrored from our phones to ensure we know what is watched and when it is over.
Model. Practice what you preach. If your rule is to finish work, exercise, reading, and creativity first, but your child never sees you do that – you are asking for trouble. What rules you put in place for the screen should be reflected in your own actions. Other than numerous benefits of opening up time for productivity, this allows you to show your child there is so much more to this wonderful life than the big (or little handheld) screen in front of them.

Screen time can be a wonderful tool and entertainment resource. However, it can also be the bane of your existence. May we all find balance in the world of homeschool and homework in this strange and ever-developing global situation.

On April 1, 2020March 30, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, homeschool, life, Motivate, screen time, Special Needs, TV, video games5 Comments

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