In the dark of night, under the cloak of secrecy, she said, “I do” to the man who had walked with her through the pain and terror and the excitement and laughter of the past two years. Quietly, guided by the whispers of the Christian priest Valentine, he said, “I do,” with a silent prayer that it would not be for the last time. In the morning he would be headed off to war – to battle – called to fight for Claudius II Gothicus, one he does not believe in for a cause he does not agree with, at the penalty of death. His only earthly light was the love of this woman beside him. The least he could do was set her up to be taken care of should the unspeakable happen.
There are many stories behind the history of Valentine’s Day. Some say it was because St. Valentine performed secrete marital ceremonies against Emperor Claudius II Gothicus’s decree against engagements and marriages in Rome. Some say it was to Christianize the pagan celebration of Lupercalia (a celebration of purification and fertility).
Whatever the reason, the reality is we celebrate the day in practice as a way to celebrate those we love. The day has become one to celebrate your significant other. But, it is more than that.
For those of us who have to spend days like this apart from our “better-halves” or for you single parents who are widowed, left, or worse, it is a day to remind you that you are alone.
I do not think that is true. I think this day is a great way to remember those who love you and those whom you love. It is a day to act in love, mercy, and kindness. It is a day to remember that you are never alone. A day to count your blessings.
In a social distancing world, where we have pitted ourselves against the other because of a sniffle or politics or the way we dress, this is a great time to remind ourselves that we all bleed the same. We all cry, laugh, mourn and dance. This is a time to change our hearts and practice what we preach – love.
Here are some ways to bring more love into your marriage:
Schedule priority time together. I have said this again and again….dating should not stop just because we said, “I do.” Dating should just be beginning. We change so much as we grow. Dating helps keep us connected to the changes of the other person. This is valuable invested time in the marriage. Pull out your calendars and set a date every week or two—just to spend time together and talk.
2. Laugh together. One of the reasons I married my awesome husband was he made me laugh. That sounds cliché, but in reality, it is really hard to get me to laugh – much less guffaw. Laughter truly is the best medicine and brings healing and bonding. When was the last time you shared a funny story and chuckled with each other? We like finding little jokes and sharing them with each other (especially when we are apart for work). As the song goes, “Girl, let your hair down.” Laugh freely – give yourself permission. Live lightheartedly!
3. Play together. I love this one. It is so easy to forget how to play as adults when faced with the reality of the world. We get stuck in bills, taxes, doctor appointments, and dinner we forget how to play. That childlike view of the world disappears. Another reason I adore my husband, he makes it easy to find that child again. We love to play together. We especially like crating together (and yes, I will watch the stories of the video games he plays…they can be quite good). I encourage you to find a hobby or activity you both enjoy: fishing, bowling, tennis, hiking, biking, crafting. It is also ok to take turns on things only one of you enjoys and spend time doing what the other likes. You learn a lot about your mate that way.
4. Be romantic together. It is no secret to those who know me well, I love words of affirmation. I love hearing compliments. I love quality time hanging out with Hubby. My husband, on the other hand, loves gifts and service. He feels most loved when something has been done for him or a special trinket arrives for him. Our love languages are different, but not incompatible. For my birthday I asked my husband to write a letter, poem, or story of why he loves me. For his Christmas present, I cleaned the garage and got him the gaming system he wanted. Send your spouse a note of encouragement in the mail every once in a while, just to say, “I love you.” (I keep a list and little sticky notes around my office and bathroom of the romantic and uplifting things he has said to remind me on days that feel distant). When possible, spend one or two weekends away each year just with your spouse. (No buddies or children allowed.)
5. Be grateful. I was reminded this week how much we take for granted in marriage and in partnership. It is easy in marriage to compare the circumstance of each other and think one has it harder than the other. In reality, it is just as hard for your spouse as it is for you. That is why love is a choice. Love is work. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no records of wrongs. So, say “Thank you” to your spouse. You know you are not perfect. They choose to love you anyway. They choose to work through your baggage with you. They choose to walk through life with you. So thank you. Purpose your days to see all the things they do that make your life better and acknowledge that.
While Valentine’s Day is a good time to put some spark into your relationship, the only way to fan the flame of a good relationship is for every day to have a Hallmark moment.
What are you doing to fan the flame of your marriage?
This week I have had a significant amount of requests to discuss homeschool. Questions like “How do you homeschool while working? What curriculum do you use? How do you socialize your child?” and so many more have poured int. I will not answer all of them here (in August I will be focusing on the daily tricks for homeschoolers). Today I will focus on curriculums.
With changes in education due to COVID-19, a lot of parents are really considering homeschool. It is not an easy choice (even without the pandemic). If you are anything like me, you wonder if you will be a good enough teacher? Will your child fall behind in academics, social skills, and emotional development?
The good news is there is so much good news!
Homeschooling is not new to the world. In fact, for most of human history, parents taught children or tutors came to houses (if you could afford it). You know your child better than anyone, so you know where they struggle the most and where they can just breeze through. You can essentially create your own IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for each of your children. As my mom used to say, we have “different children with different needs.”
The first major concern is socialization. I get that. It was a big one for me. I will talk more about that next month. For those who have worked with me in editing or social media marketing, you know how much I value data. I have even used data in helping with behavior challenges with my own kid.
As any good data analysis would do, the first thing I did in answering that question was to track how much socialization my child actually got in school (note, this was done when my son was in elementary school). My son left the house at 7:30 on a bus and came back at 3:00. When I learned he was not allowed to talk on the bus, I removed any transportation time from the social component. Lunch was 20 minutes and the recess was 15. There was no talking allowed in hallways. And interactive work with children in the classroom had significantly declined – other than 1 class project a week, my son was learning next to and not with his peers. Taking all that into consideration, as well as really speaking with his teachers, my son was really only allowed to socialized 30 to 45 minutes a day. With home school, that increases so much with play dates, co-ops, small groups, sports, and so much more.
There are so many curriculums out there. And the best part of home school, is you do not have to pick and choose. If your child is a verbal learner, there are curriculums for that. A visual learner? There are curriculums for that. Learns kinesthetically? There are curriculums for that. There are so many, we actually mix and match for our son.
As a researcher at heart, I spent six months reviewing and researching curriculums prior to starting homeschool. Here are some we use, why we use them, and some we don’t but think are pretty great. Many of the below have Facebook groups, local co-ops, and more for additional help and socialization for the kids.
1. Time4Learning***: They are relatively inexpensive with a monthly fee of $25.00 and a military discount. They also use a refer a friend program that helps decrease expenses. This is a DOD approved national standard-based curriculum. This is a great curriculum for kids with special needs.
This is our foundational curriculum. This is great for military families that move a lot because it is national standards and teaches to that. They have 4 foundational courses (math, science, social science, and language arts). Their curriculum is interactive, game, and video-based teaching a variety of methods to problem-solving. They also have built-in Time4Fun (recess of fun games) and the app is mobile so it can be done anywhere.
As I work from home, and reports are due to the school district, I particularly like the freedom this curriculum gives me to work. It has so many tools for reports (attendance, duration in class, scores, etc.) It allows me to input the amount of time a week, length of the school year, and pick and choose what I think is appropriate for the mental development of my child. It then plans the school year for me allowing to change the plan at any time to add in breaks, modify curriculum, and more.
This curriculum also allows my son to have a bit more control of his learning by giving weekly or daily assignments and checklists.
2. Easy Peasy: This is a completely FREE (yes, FREE) curriculum. They recommend a once-yearly $15.00 donation, but even without the donation, you can still use the curriculum. This is a Christian based curriculum. This has all basic subjects as well as Bible, computer, PE, music, Art, Critical Thinking and so much more. They offer Spanish as a language for middle school. (Time4Learning does offer Rosetta stone at any level, but it costs a bit more). This is our supplemental program.
This curriculum also has cash prize contests for writing and science. For those who want to simulate science fairs and excellent writing, this is a great way to help develop those skills with a great incentive!
3. Adventure Academy: This is a fun exploration web-based learning curriculum. They allow the learner to take some control of their learning process. I have not used this curriculum, but I like what is offered. This allows for a more social learning environment by allowing the learner to create their own aviator and work with other online learners. They are currently having a sale of 49% off the subscription – which drops this curriculum down to approximately $10.00 a month. It is super fun! This is interactive and has a lot of visual components.
4. Abeka: Based out of Pensacola Christian College, Pensacola, FL, this Christian based curriculum is used throughout the country and states both in homeschool and private schools. This curriculum has all basic foundation classes, reading, and Bible. They offer video lessons and standardized testing! Depending on your state requirements, that can be an essential factor. This one is more expensive ($100s to over a grand a year and increases with each grade). HOWEVER, they offer flexible pricing, accredited contents, and for those in high school, a DIPLOMA. That diploma will essential for those military families using the GI bill for their kids.
5. Classical Conversations: The basis of this Christian based curriculum based out of Southern Pines, NC is trifold: Classical, Christian, Community. The community that comes along with this curriculum is great for those worried about socialization. As you move to high school, the success on the SAT and ACT for those who use this curriculum is high. For middle school and high school, they offer trained tutors once a week. This is a great curriculum for kids with special needs! This curriculum grows both the social community and the independent investment for kids. If you are a working parent, the requirement for in-person get-togethers may be a challenge, but definitely worth looking at. If you cannot due the community part, you can still access their bookstore with great resources!
6. Liberty University Online Academy: This Christian based curriculum is fantastic. This one is pricey, but offers family discounts, military discounts, and payment plans. They offer structured and customizable learning plans, around the clock access to the curriculum and certified teachers. This curriculum does offer dual enrollment for up to 60 college credits. This is something to consider if your state does not offer this. Dual enrollment has the ability to let your child graduate high school with an associate degree as well! This curriculum also allows your student to graduate with a diploma recognized nationwide!
7. Duoling: This is not a curriculum, but a FREE learning resource. This teaches almost any language with an interactive online environment. Learning a language at a young age can help with communication, critical thinking, and socialization. This free program sends weekly progress reports and daily reminders to practice. With built in incentives of rewards and trophies (much like a video game), this allows your child to move at their own pace. We do use this, but we do not grade our son on this.
8. Supplemental Learning: I am an avid reader and believe, like Albert Einstein and Abraham Lincoln, that learning is done through reading. For those of you who follow my son’s amazing history, you know reading taught him to speak. In addition to the above, we incorporate state level reading into our year. This is approximately ten books a year. The book is read, a paper is written and a project is done. Projects have included everything from building Lego diagrams and book reports to writing a play. This is usually a month-long process, so my son learns how to executive plan at the same time.
9. Unschooling: This is a relatively new idea. This allows teaching children based on their interests and not following a curriculum. This is often termed “natural learning” or “independent learning.” This is not a curriculum, not a method, but a way of looking at children and life. A great example of this is the movie Captain Fantastic about a family that homeschooled their children in the wood. (Do not watch this with your young kids; this is rated R and has adult themes). This type of “curriculum” is an opportunity for you as a parent to educate your child in the way you think is best.
10. Tutors: Yes, tutors still exist. They are also great resources throughout the education of your child. A quick google search will generate thousands of results for tutors near you. A lot of homeschool curriculums offer tutors, but if you choose one without that and need one for your child, this is a great resource to consider. Prices will range with each depending on course work, grade level, frequency and more. This is a great resource to have in your back pocket as your children get older as well.
The best part about homeschooling is that it is fluid. What works for one child might not work for another. What worked one year might not work the next. There are so many options out there. You do not need to feel stuck in one curriculum ever. Do what works for your family.
Know too, that this is a change for your family. Anticipate growing pains for everyone. Give yourself GRACE. No one expects you to be perfect. We don’t expect teachers who go to school for years of getting trained to do this to be perfect. Teaching your kids will be hard (teaching anyone is). I have a teacher friend who once told me, “I love teaching, but there is NO WAY I could teach my own kids.” That is a teacher. Teaching your children is not without challenges. But, picking a curriculum should not be one of them.
Go forth in decision knowing you are not alone. There are tons of communities out there to help. Reach out to me anytime. I would love to know how I can be of better service.
*****As a member of Time4Learning, I have been given the opportunity to review their program and share my experiences. While I was compensated, this review was not written or edited by Time4Learning and my opinion is entirely my own. For more information, check out their standards-based curriculum or learn how to write your own curriculum review.