New Year New You: 5 Tips for a Happy Healthy New Year

Congratulations!  You survived 2020!  Whew!  If you are anything like me, it felt touch and go there for a while. 

Welcome, 2021!  After last year, it will be really easy for you to be better. 

But, how can we be better? Better physically? Emotionally? Mentally?

Five days into 2021 and the world was shocked by riots in Washington, DC.  I had a few friends reach out in utter dismal disappointment.  Five days.  That was all it took for them to feel like they had no hope in the world. 

I introduced this group of friends, whom I love dearly and have known most of my life, to one of the five practices I will share with you today.  That group text went from disappointment and fear to light and edifying.

How can we be the best we can be in 2021?  Here are five simple steps I use that may help you.

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  1. Live Loved: Don’t be a slave to emotions.  The last year was a roller coaster of emotions – fear, anger, depression, hope, joy, defiance.  We have all felt them in such intensity for so long, it is easy to forget the most powerful emotion, word, magic, verb in the world: Love. As Lysa Terkerst so aptly put it, “No one can soar to the place of living loved when it’s a performance-based endeavor.” It is time to stop treating ourselves like we are reacting vessels.  It is time to start acting.  Time to reclaim the gift you are to the world.  You are uniquely and wonderfully made for a purpose for a time such as this.  Claim this.  Love yourself.  Love all the uniqueness that is you.  Love the quirks.  Love the weaknesses.  Love the strengths. 
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2. Love your body: It took one hour for my inbox to be flooded with weight loss and exercise tips and workout boot camp invitations from when the ball dropped on December 31, 2020, and January 1, 2021.  First, let me remind you: the weight loss industry is designed for you to FAIL and they KNOW it.  So, ignore that. You know what you should eat and how you should work out. The healthiest thing you can do is start where you are and love your body. I love the above picture – she is so graceful and confident! Find one thing on your body you like and look yourself in the mirror daily and complement it. Eventually, you will come to love it and be able to find more things to love about yourself. When you love yourself, much like when you love a child, you want what is best for yourself.  See yourself as the healthier version of you now and you will find you start choosing the healthier food at the store, ignoring the food table at gatherings, and investing in the people you are with more. 

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3. Speak Life: This past year has brought out the worst in people.  Our language has turned against each other – our politics, our friends, even our families have been divided over how we view the state of things.  Division is high and our language isn’t helping.  Instead of listening to the views of others, we ignore them.  Unfollow.  Unfriend.  We spread hate and insult those who disagree.  We speak negativity and hate.  But, our words have power.  2021 is a time to take our tongues back.  It is time to speak love and life.  We are uniquely made, so we have different opinions.  That does not make one stupid and the other brilliant.  It means our lives are different and the realities of what is happening in them are different.  Stop. Listen. Then speak love.  When we change our language to love and light we open doors to unity, growth, wonderful friendships, and grand love.

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4. Be grateful: If follow me, you know how much I believe in the power of gratitude.  There is a change that takes place in the heart when we recognize things we are thankful for.  This year, thank you body.  Your body does amazing things all day with your consciously thinking about it.  Blood cells move to make sure organs work. White blood cells come to fight off bacteria and viruses.  You have completely new skin every 27 days! Thank your body.  Your family knows the worst of you (you know what I am talking about) and loves you anyway.  Thank your family. Your teachers, therapists, and doctors are working diligently (some more than 60 hour weeks) to help ensure a healthy and smart community.  Thank them.  I practice a discipline of gratitude daily.  I attempt to write out 3-5 things daily I am grateful for.  This is particularly helpful on those days I am tired or short-tempered.  It recenters me.

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5. Take Chances:  The new year is a great time to evaluate where we are and decide where we are going.  What will your path be this year?  One of anger and hate? One of love and acceptance?  One of accomplishment? One of excuses?  Be honest with yourself when you make this evaluation, and start moving those dreams to goals. Dreams are passing thoughts – goals are paths to reality.  Goal setting can be easy and fun. So dream big and start making the reality you have always wanted. If you are new to goal setting, pick a small goal.  Maybe you want to lose weight and have yo-yo dieted for years.  Instead of a diet, set a goal to drink more water daily, or eat less sugar.  This is quantifiable and you can it in baby steps. The single change will have a big change.  Maybe your goal is to write a book – but you are not sure you’re an author.  Set a goal to write 10-15 minutes two days a week.  This is measurable and will get you in the practice to write the book later.  Whatever the goal, if you survived 2020, you are set up with more grit, strength, and perseverance than you ever had in the past.  Claim that and use it as fuel to take chances of making your dreams a reality.

If 2020 taught me anything, it is that I am stronger than I ever knew and able to do great good.  I want you to know: you are loved.  You are smart.  You are important. You can do all you set your mind to. You are uniquely made for such a time as this. 

I would love to hear your goals and thoughts on how you are going to make 2021 the best year yet. Drop a comment.  If you like what you read, please share.  Together, we can make this world a positive one.

Life Is a Roller Coaster

“Mom, can we go on that roller coaster?” Our five-year-old son asked to ride his first big-boy roller coaster –the Super Duper Looper.  Having verified the height requirement (and that it was safe for a five-year-old), we all jumped in line.  Never did we think that the very first thing that would happen on this ride was to be flipped entirely upside down! I thought for sure our son would get off the ride and hate it.

I was wrong.

“Let’s do it again!” he screamed excitedly as he exited (to my utter dismay). 

But that ride taught me some very valuable lessons. 

There are ups and down

When we first found about Autism, we did not know much about it.  We are still learning about now.  But something I wish we were told at the onset was that life is a roller coaster.

Most people hear that and think of Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates and very rightly say, “Obviously.”  But what I am talking about goes further than the what nutty delicacy life dishes out. Life with Autism is taking two steps forward and one step back. It is a constant up and down.  It is fast paced and often takes your breath away.

When our kiddo was younger, he could not talk and potty training was difficult to say the least.  At four we would spend a week getting him potty trained and then send him to his other parent for the weekend.  Every time he came home not potty trained. 

Every time we would have him using a word to communicate (just one word) we would send him back to the other parent and he would come back mute…well, screaming like a banshee is probably more appropriate.  

But he is potty trained and he can carry on lengthy conversations…as long as they are on a topic he wants to discuss. 

But that process of two steps forward and one step back is exhausting.  It can be affected by the smallest changes in routine to the largest. Moves between homes. Moves across the country. Different teachers. Different subjects. Developing hormones.

It is really easy to see the negative in life circumstances and feel like you will never reach the goal.  Sometimes the low of the rollercoaster is really low.  Sometime your stomach lives in your brain. Sometimes it is easy to forget how high you fell from or how far the child has come.  It is easy to think your lives are the valleys when in reality there have been many mountains…and very close together.

You will reach your goals.  They will.  With solid routine, quality time, and people who will fight for them, each child with special needs can and do make and break through their goals. 

Expect greatness and you will get it…eventually

I have a neck injury and a weak stomach.  Going on a roller coaster I thought was great for a child of five, I was not anticipating breaking my neck and holding in my breakfast.  I very much disliked that ride.  I thought my son with sensory issues and an intense sensitivity to loud noises would hate that ride too.

But my son did not.  He absolutely loved it! 

I came to learn that the deep pressure provided on a roller coaster is really helpful to kids with neuro-sensitivity.  I learned that my son has a Big-Gulp need for motion…I, on the contrary need, a teacup and call it good.  I learned that my son has no fear (except one…but I am keeping that to our family for now). 

Not only did he love the ride, he wanted more of it.  He wanted to do every ride.  The bigger and faster the ride the better it was for our son.

By making the one decision to try something new, outside everyone’s comfort level, against what seemed to be logical given his diagnosis, we got something magical!

I got to experience his first roller coaster ride with him (which is awesome because every other ride he wants to go with his dad).  I got to see my son over come legitimate challenges to sound, delayed gratification waiting in line, dealing with enclosed spaces in the queue and many more.  My son taught me in that moment that he can do anything he puts his mind too – no matter the challenges he faces.

This too shall pass

When I was on that ride I just kept counting down the moment until it passed.  My stomach was in my head.  My neck was definitely in the wrong place.  I was strapped so tightly down I could not breathe. I could not wait for that ride to be over.

Sometimes, when dealing with special needs, it is easy to get stuck in that stomach-flipping moment.  It is easy to think, “We have come so far and he regressed so much” or “Why are we having the same argument with the school and the district” or “Why can’t he play like everyone else?”  It is easy to get stuck in the valleys and gorges and canyons. 

But I encourage you to look toward the mountains on either side.  The one they just came down (because that will show you what they are capable of) and the one they are about to start climbing (because that one will always be better than the last. 

There is an end in sight to every dark valley. 

For me it helps to remember things they have accomplished.  I often remind myself that my son is grade level, even though he misses a ton of school for doctors’ appointments.  I remind myself that at five my son was not talking and now I can’t get him to stop.  I remind myself that he went from not knowing how to make a friend to having many at his birthday party. 

Yes, even these dark gorges will pass.  And they will pass sooner than we think.  And we will be on to the next big and wonderful goal and accomplishment next week. 

Box of Chocolates

As this year begins, I encourage you to see the mountains for what they are – accomplishments.  Take the valleys for what they are – lessons to be learned.  And move forward with a purpose and vision of accomplishing more than you ever thought possible.  We did.  And I wouldn’t change it for the world.