15 Easy New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

On January 15, 2022January 9, 2022 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Behavior, goals, Motivate, new years resolution, Special Needs2 Comments

We are halfway through January and (with all the spikes in COVID cases) and the holiday hullabaloo behind us, perhaps you have forgotten about New Year’s Resolutions. It can be easy to get lost in the fast-paced world of life and then feel like you are already behind.

Not to worry. I have compiled some of my top 15 favorite resolutions I have done (and some I continue to do) to help inspire you and your family to live a more animated life. Many of these are simple, measurable goals that won’t leave you feeling guilty at the end of the month (or next year).

1. Read a new book each month: This is a great one to do alone or with your spouse or friend. It is also a measurable goal and easy to do. Find new books that interest you and read them. I like to read with my hubby before bed. This is a great way to be intimate with each out and have a date night for free. Or, I have also enjoyed book clubs. Clubs are a great way to meet new friends and get out of the house.

2. Do something creative each month: This is a fun one. I have found using a subscription service to be helpful. Monthly getting a box of something new and creative to do brings a little more joy to the mailbox and the house. I then use what was created to decorate my house. Cratejoy has a ton of subscriptions for all ages.

3. Discover one new place each month: We all get into the habit of eating at the same places, going to the same places, and doing the same things. This is great for those of us who like routine. But, life is not routine (as much as I wish kit were sometimes). It is good for us to shake things up. So go out and explore your neighborhood or the world for that matter. Try something new and make some new memories.

4. Sleep better: This is one I try to do all the time. Sleep helps us function better during the day, have better relationships, think better, and so much more. Sleep is also what a lot of kids and teenagers struggle with. For some great steps on how to help with this, check out this blog on 10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep.

Exercise is good for your health. If a T-Rex can do it with short hands a big head, you can too.

5. Exercise more: I know, this sounds like every other resolution you have heard. And you would be right. But, let’s face it, we all work in front of screens, socialize in front of screens, get entertained in front of screens. Our bodies were not designed to just sit. Our bodies thrive on movement. We get endorphins, are happier, and look nicer in that swimsuit (summer is just around the corner) or jeans. But this doesn’t have to be a do-or-die goal. Make it simple. Just plan to incorporate a walk after work with dogs, or a run in the morning with your son, or just get on YouTube and enjoy a quick 25–60-minute workout. Make it a social thing and do it with a friend.

Eat better. Not less.

6. Eat better: I love food. I also like a healthy family. Gut health affects brain health. Gut health effects are particularly strong for those with neuro and sensory needs. We have learned how to incorporate healthy (on a budget) and enjoy really good food. The more colorful our plate the yummier our food tastes. Many of our daily recipes we use for entertaining as well and hear only “oo’s” and “awes.” Need help getting started? Check out these simple recipes.

Do something new.

7. Do something new each month: Sometimes I feel like I get in a rut. The best way to get me out of a rut is to try something new. Sometimes this is a new experience altogether (new food, new museum, etc.), but it can be as low-key or extreme as you wish. I know someone who used this resolution to give him the guts to go sky diving and another who used it to travel the world. Just recently, I did this by helping replace our stove range. It can be simple and little or something you need to get done on a budget or something big and grand. Enjoy.

Family night – a time for fun and family.

8. Monthly family night: Life gets busy fast. With sports teams, music lessons, study sessions, games, and friends, it can seem like your child is a roommate (who doesn’t help with the bills) the older they get. Take the family back. We like a daily mealtime together. But once a day over dinner (sometimes breakfast) is not enough. We like a monthly family night when we play games, watch movies with popcorn, or roast marshmallows by the fire. This is especially great when hubby is on swing shifts or 14-hour day shifts. We can plan a time together and not feel like it is crammed into the schedule.

9. Self-care: This is a hard one for me. My older sister has been encouraging me to do this for years. As a mom, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself. Truth be told, I haven’t even had a haircut since 2019! It is just easier to ensure my family has what they need and want first. But self-care doesn’t have to be hard or cumbersome. Have a glass of wine with friends on a Friday night. I like working out with friends (making friends and getting healthier). I love going to farmer’s markets and enjoying the sites and smells. Sometimes there is nothing better than snuggling under a blanket and reading. The important thing is that you take the time to plan for it. Because if you do not plan for it, you never will get it.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

10. Serve someone else: The season of giving is winding down. But it doesn’t have to end. No matter the season, serving someone else is so good for all involved. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads and focusing on the negative. The best way to do this is to serve someone else. This might mean teaching Sunday School at your church or volunteering with the babies. Or, it might mean sitting with your elderly neighbor an hour a week and reading to them or learning about their incredible life! Fear has taken hold the last two years, our elders have survived wars, sickness, and so much more. Learn and grow from their strength. Or volunteer at the local elementary school teaching how to read or simply cutting out and printing worksheets for the overworked teacher.

11. 365 days of gratitude: This one is so important to me. It was a resolution I had years ago and practice I continue. Gratitude is so important because it changes our perspective and often calms us down (preventing us from doing something stupid). Being thankful in all circumstances is a great way to not only change your world but the whole world. If we all just found one thing daily to be grateful for, imagine the difference in attitudes we would have.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

12. Monthly Date Night: I love date night! I covet date night! Having a date night is hard with a special needs kid. It is hard for military families who always move. It is hard for families with multiple kids who just have so much going on. Date night does not have to be a big deal. It is there to build and strengthen a relationship with someone you already love. Here are 12 great date night ideas we use and still keep in budget.

Helping people is right.

13. Service Project/Awareness monthly: There is so much pain in the world and so few people know about it, much less do anything about it. Take 12 months and learn about different issues (local and global). At the end of the year, pick one that you became passionate about and get involved. Serve. Do a campaign of awareness. Donate. Just do something about it. Be the change in the world.

Learn something and better yourself.

14. Take a Class: I know, most adults hate school. That is because we were forced to go to school growing up learning about things we don’t like. Our kids currently hate it for the same reason. But learning doesn’t have to be torture. Take a class with your kids (or just yourself) and learn something new. Always want to learn a new language? Do it. Duolingo is a free way to start and see if you like it. Want to learn a new hobby? Take a class at Hobby Lobby or Lowes. Want to be able to make your car repairs? Take a class at the local community college. Be open to learning more things. Learning new things is fun and healthy – and can help prevent diseases like dementia.

15. Start letter writing: Screen fatigue is a real thing. It is happening more and more often in this post COVID world. Everything is on a screen. Zoom and Google Chat have taken over our lives. We like to take a step back, put out real paper and pen and compose a nice greeting or letter to a family member or friend. This is a great way to keep in touch over a distance and have a keepsake for the kids when they are older. Try just writing to one person. Or write to someone different monthly. It is so wonderful to see what comes back in the mail. Enjoy.

Whatever you pick for your resolution, I hope it helps bring joy and unity to your household. May you be covered in Peace, Love, and Joy this year. May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back.

6 Ways to Make Your New Year’s Resolution Work For You

On January 8, 2022December 31, 2021 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, Motivate, Sensory Needs, Special Needs2 Comments

The new year has begun and goal setting and resolutions are upon us. The new year offers a time of reflection and retrospection. The new year offers a fresh start and a great opportunity to create a better life for us and those around us.

According to Forbes, for 2021, the “most popular New Year’s resolutions are about self-improvement (living healthier 23% of people, getting happy 21%, losing weight 20%, exercising 7%, stopping smoking 5%, reducing drinking 2%). In addition, people resolve to meet career or job goals (16%) and improve their relationships (11%).” Of those working out falls into three of those top goals (a whopping 50%).

According to FSU News, “on average, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February…it takes approximately 66 days for a habit to become automatic.”

So how do we combat this huge obstacle and make our resolution to be healthier happier people come true? Here are six steps I have taken to help me in the past and present.

Be Realistic: Do not set yourself up to fail. Be realistic in goal setting. If you have never worked out, it is highly unlikely you will work out six days a week an hour and a half. You likely won’t lose 50 lbs in three months. Set a goal that works for you. A good goal will be SMART. The more specific and measurable a goal, the better. Want more? Check out this blog on 10 goal setting steps to success

Specific.
Measurable.
Attainable.
Relevant.
Time-Bound.

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

Set a routine: The hardest part of a resolution (or any goal), is to incorporate it into your already hectic routine. By creating a routine where your goal is a part of it, you are more likely to be able to attain your goals. According to Northwestern Medicine, routines are essential to a healthy lifestyle. Routines will help reduce stress, increase sleep, give better health, and set a good example for your children.

Get accountability/work out partner: Progress is never made alone. We need each other. Find a friend or partner in your goal. This will help increase serotonin when you work out or work on your goal because you will be doing it with a friend. This friend can also help keep you accountable on days you don’t want to work toward your goals (and we all know there will be those days). Exercising with a friend is just more fun and it helps build your friendship. By including an accountability partner, you are more likely to stick to your goals and succeed. You typically work harder when someone else is around (because they are watching you) and it brings out the competitive side and spurs you on. Working out with a friend can be cheaper by splitting the cost of the trainer/equipment. Your accountability partner may have new ideas to bring. And, it just safer – you want a spotter on those weights or someone to run those trails.

Track Progress: I have said it before and will say it again. Without a way to track the progress, you can get very discouraged – especially with weight loss. Muscle weighs more than fat, so that scale may climb before it falls. Have a way to track your progress toward your goal. I like this habit tracker for my goals. But, for weight loss goals, I find tracking with a picture to be more satisfying. It shows the way the body changes over time rather than a scale that just reflects gravity.

habit-tracker Download

Eat Healthily: We all know we should eat healthily, but we typically do not. The words themselves just make it sound like salads and bland food or processed protein shakes for the rest of our lives. BORING! But, healthy food is the opposite! Eating healthy just means incorporating colors into your diet. Get away from processed foods and enjoy the great taste of vegetables and fruits. Don’t snack on chips, snack on berries. Don’t eat bread three meals a day. Replace at least two of those servings with veggies. Vegetables are so versatile you can have a different dish with a different flavor every night of the week for months. Limit the sugar and salt. Enjoy the garden God gave us. You will be surprised how good it all is!

Drink Water: This is probably the most simple and overlooked tip in getting a healthy habit started. Water is so beneficial to our bodies. It helps our bodies process every system. It helps our skin stay brighter. It helps us look younger. So, instead of that second cup of coffee, drink a glass of water. Have water before a meal, and you will eat less. Bored with water, add some flavor. I like to flavor mine with lemon, kiwi, mango, and other fruit flavors. Water doesn’t have to be boring.

Stretch: This one is often forgotten when people talk about working out. It is also often forgotten in most classes at the gym. If there is no stretch in the workout class, do one on your own. Research shows time and again, stretching is good for you. The Mayo Clinic provided stretching:

Improve your performance in physical activities
Decrease your risk of injuries
Help your joints move through their full range of motion
Enable your muscles to work most effectively

Research also shows stretching can relieve post-exercise aches and pains (we all hate day two of a workout routine), improve posture, and manage stress better. So take the time to stretch daily. This is a great way to help relax at the end of the day as well.

New Year’s Resolutions are great ways to get us towards goals. But they are only as good as the effort put in. If your goal is like half of America to live a healthier happier lifestyle, then try these six steps to ensure success.

10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep

On January 1, 2022December 31, 2021 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In family, Motivate, parenting, screen time, sleep, Special Needs1 Comment

I’m SO tired!

We have all been there. Three AM and you are staring at the ceiling. The fan spins and you try to count the repetitions. Sheep have been no help. Your brain swirls with the thoughts of the crazy that was your day and dread for the day to follow slowly seeps in.

Suddenly, the silence of the house is shattered by the bouncing bubbly kid in the room down the hall. Energy pours out of his room. Joy exuberates from him. He is excited to start his day…before the sun.

You groan as you turn over. You know today will be like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. Why can’t this kid just sleep? By the time he is asleep, you finally get a bit of me-time. But me-time at midnight is never good. This needs to change. But how?

There is no debate on how badly poor sleep affects us. Poor sleep can hurt our hormones, performance, and brain function. It can cause weight gain and increase the risk of disease (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7).

But, oh sweet, good sleep, can have incredibly good results. It can help you eat less, exercise better, have better response times, have more control of your emotions, and increase of thought process (2, 8, 9, 10).

With New Year’s upon us, perhaps now is a great time to take charge of our sleep to have better success with our other New Year’s Goals.

Speaking from experience, this is exhausting for you, your partner, and your children. Here are ten tips we used to help our son (and ourselves) get on a better sleep schedule.

Reduce blue light exposure during the evening: Blue light comes from our screens. We surround ourselves with blue light, especially before bed. Checking our social media before bed may sound relaxing, but the blue light stimulates us (along with the social media). So put a stop to screen time at least 30 minutes before bed. We try for an hour on school nights. No TV, no video games, no phone, no computer. Instead, use this time to relax and connect face to face with those you cherish the most. Click here for more tips on how to manage screen time.

Reduce naps during the day/length of naps: I LOVE naps! But, we limit naps. If we or our son takes a nap, it is usually on a weekend to allow a little breath before scheduled sleep. When our son was younger, he could take a nap for two hours or more. We quickly learned this was detrimental. Now, if he takes a nap, it is limited to 15-30 minutes. The best way to know you slept enough for a nap is to take your keys (or something else that makes sound) and hold them in your hands. When you have slept enough for a day nap, you will relax enough the keys will drop and wake you up. Perfectly refreshed for the remainder of the day without messing up your sleep that night.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Start a pre-bedtime routine: If you have followed me even for a short time, you know how much I love routine. This is one of my favorite routines. This is great for executive functioning and calming down for sleep. We use this simple routine in our house. After dinner, we brush our teeth, take a shower, and get in PJs. Then we do a meditation/prayer and story. This typically takes 30 minutes if done correctly. This routine acts as a mental trigger that the day is ending, and it is time for bed.

Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time: This one is hard. I admit. Especially as more people and commitments claim on your time. Find a time that allows the right amount of time for your child to get enough sleep. We kept an 8 PM bedtime for our son till he was a teenager. Then we increased it to 9 PM on weekdays and 10 PM on weekends (unless there was a game/dance/etc.) And let’s be honest, no good happens after 10 PM anyway. We also keep a routine wake-up time. Alarm clocks may be needed for the first few weeks to get the body used to it, but soon you will find you naturally wake up at the same time daily. This is important even on weekends. You might think sleeping in on weekends is good, but it can mess you up for the first few days of the week.

Optimize the bedroom: The room is a sanctuary. It should be a place where you feel safe and comfortable. The best sleep happens in comfortable rooms. Here are some things we use to help our family sleep:

No screens: There are no screens in our son’s bedroom. No computer. No phone. No TV. These produce light, sound, and are an easy distraction once the kid thinks Mom and Dad went to bed.
Blackout Curtains: These are lifesavers. Two houses we lived in had a streetlight that shone straight into our son’s room. These curtains helped block that light and create a boy cave for him. He knew when they were drawn, it was time for hibernation.
White Noise/Soft Wordless Music: We lived off a highway in Maryland for years. You often heard sirens and the like at odd hours of the night. We learned white noise and wordless music were great for helping our son sleep. Do kids share a room? No problem! Try this awesome tool in the child’s pillow and they can listen to their own sound without bothering their roommate.
Temperature: A room that is too hot or too cold is prohibitive to good sleep. The best sleep temperature is about 70° F (20° C). But the temperature is dependent on your preference. Test it out.

Don’t eat before bed: When you are having trouble sleeping, it is tempting to find yourself in the kitchen eating. We often go beyond the warm glass of milk and eat a bowl of cereal or ice cream. Not only is this bad for our waistlines, but it is also bad for our sleep. Your body uses sleep to restore muscles and systems. When we eat before bed, we tell our bodies to divert that energy to digestion. Save yourself and just say no. I find when I am tempted, a good cup of hot tea is perfect.

Relax before bed: Relaxing before bed helps me and my family fall asleep and stay in deeper sleep longer. Take a nice hot shower or bath, do some meditation or yoga (or both). Read an actual book. The blue light from a Kindle or iPad will be counterproductive. Need some entertainment? Do some art or adult coloring pages. Take up a new hobby. Sew. Crotchet. Knit. There is so much you can do that does not require a screen. Enjoy learning about you and your kids.

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

Rule out a sleep disorder: This one is so important – especially for those with special needs. Sleep disorders are real. Take the time. Talk to your doctor. Describe the sleep your child (or you) is getting. Do a sleep study. They are not scary and can be quite comfortable. This can be eye-opening. We learned a lot when we took our son for one. One eye-opening thing is how fast my son can hit REM. Once he shuts his eyes; he is practically in REM. This means he is being charged faster than the average human. Due to this, he needs slightly less sleep than other kids his age. Taking with our doctor (who happened to see my son fall asleep in a routine checkup once) was so helpful in starting our path to successful sleep.

Exercise regularly: It is New Year. You are thinking you will be at the gym five nights a week for an hour or two. Let’s get real. That is probably not true. But you should work out regularly. Take a walk after work and enjoy the outside world. Do a workout online or in your gym. Start the day with a workout. Just, do yourself a favor, and do not work out before bed. This will increase your adrenaline and prevent the natural melatonin from working.

Don’t drink liquids before bed: This is important especially for young ones working on potty training. This is a great model to use lifelong. Drinking too much before bed keeps us up or wakes us up at odd hours. Waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom can stimulate your brain enough to prevent you from being able to go back to sleep. Try to limit the liquids at least an hour before bed.

Wake Up Routine

BONUS: If all else fails, set rules for waking up the house. This is so important if you have a child like mine who literally needs less sleep. Here are some of the rules we incorporated that helped keep the rest of the house asleep and the house peaceful:

A time when to leave the room: If your child is waking between 3 AM and 6 AM, it might be helpful to get a visual clock and tell them when an appropriate time to leave the room and start the day is. This helps with the telling of time and teaches family values and compassion. Different children have different needs.
Give activities they can do: If toys are in their room, let them play. Books are a great way to keep them engaged and quiet. Books do so much more too! We also allow our son to use his electronic drum set, but he must use headphones.
Have a Coffee Rule: We have the One Cup of Coffee Rule. Even if we are awake, the quiet of the house must remain until the end of the first cup of coffee. This allows everyone to wake at their own pace and keep the house peaceful in the mornings.

We use these tips for our entire household. It has changed how we operate, how kind we are to each other, and helps create a productive environment throughout the day. These are by no means all the tips that can help you. I encourage you to try them. Use what works for you. Ditch what does not.

May this year be one full of rest, relaxation, and growth.

5 Simple Steps to Surviving Winter Break

On December 21, 2020December 4, 2021 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, homeschool, Motivate, purpose, Special Needs1 Comment

I loved winter break as a kid, a student, and as an adult. I love the opportunity to take some time to reset, renew, and rejuvenate before the new year begins.

This time of year offers a great opportunity to reconnect with family and friends (something I think we all need more of this year). It also offers the ability to slow down; remembering this time of year is not about us.

Winter break is also notorious for creating conflict with children, turn off our brains, getting out of routine, and all-around can be a formula for disaster (something no one wants more of this year).

We have learned for our winter refreshment some simple steps that decrease conflict and increase the quality time (all while keeping our brains fresh and working for the coming semesters).

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

Set a routine: It is really easy to let our kids run amok during school breaks. After all, it is vacation time, right? Ture, but when you plan a vacation to Disney World or on a cruise, you have an itinerary. Why would you not have a similar concept for your stay-cations? We have found that even the littlest routine is in place, behavior and attitude are much better all around. Our vacation routine consists of ensuring all chores are completed, some reading is done, some time outside playing, and perhaps a craft is done before turning to any computer or television screen. For some more tips on screen time, check out my blog Is Screen Time Your Friend or Enemy?

2. Join a Reading Program: Words have power. Books have power. For those who follow me closely, it should come as no surprise I incorporate reading into our lives – even on vacation. A great way to incentive this (and keep our brains working), is to join a reading program. This is a great way to keep kids (and adults) reading year-round, but especially during school breaks. Many local libraries have winter break challenges. We particularly like Beanstack. This site allows you to find local reading challenges near you (or create your own). Many challenges have tangible rewards.

3. Plan at least 1 outing a week: Many are averse to this for money’s sake and others are adverse to this for COVID-19 sake. I understand both of these. However, neither should prevent you from getting outside and enjoying the beautiful world around you. For those concerned about money, many zoos and museums offer great deals for the year for family memberships. For those worried about COVID-19, a hiking trail is a great way to be outside, seeing nature and enjoying the beauty around you. Either way, getting outside your home once a week during the break prevents Cabin Fever from setting in and taking over.

4. Give a Project: This should be something they can do in the allotted time. Projects offer a way to feel productive and successful at the end of the break. More importantly, if you help your child with the project, it can be a great time for bonding and making memories. Some projects to consider for winter breaks: rearranging the room and painting it (let them choose the color and help); painting a scene or picture onto a canvas, building a new bookshelf (or re-purposing furniture). For those with younger children, some projects might be arts and crafts, sorting through toys they no longer want, writing a comic book, or a story with illustrations. If your child plays an instrument, this is a great time to give a new song to practice and then a recital at the end of the two weeks to celebrate.

5. Schedule Active Family Time: I love family time. My family tries to set apart an hour a day to just be with family – no screens, no phones, no distractions. But, that can be difficult (especially with my and my husband’s jobs). How do we manage? We set a specific time and put our phones on silent or away (we do have to keep them out sometimes due to the nature of work). Then, we let our son pick the activity. Often he picks games (we like games a lot in my family). Sometimes he picks art or going for a walk or bike ride. Then we do that. It is our time to invest in each other. Some of our favorite family games are Shut the Box, Speak Out, Apples to Apples, Quiddler, Phase 10, Uno, Pictureak, Boggle, Scrabble, Concept, Clue, and Sorry.

We are hoping this winter break is full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. May these simple tips be as useful to you as they have been for us. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good break! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from our family to yours.

The Power of Words: Or How to Create a More Positive and Productive Environment

On May 19, 2020May 16, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, family, Motivate4 Comments

“My kid has too much autonomy. I just had to calm her down from a screaming fit,” my manager told me as we have a one on one monthly meeting via Skype for Business. “I am so tired. A day feels like a month and a month feels like a day. I can’t even keep track anymore.”

“I can’t wait to get back to normal when my kid can get out of my hair for once,” a friend expresses over a virtual cup of coffee.

“Can you believe the curriculum they are teaching? Who comes up with these questions?” A post repeated on social media.

“I can’t wait for my spouse to go back to work so I can get back to routine with my child. My spouse just gives in to any whim. I am going backward,” said spouses across the world who are not used to 24 hours 7 days a week contact.

Sound familiar? Maybe you have said one of these? Thought one of these? Posted one of these?

If you have, you are not alone. What do all these things have in common? They are all complaints.

MRI scans of the brain and complaining — Images of the Brain Complaining
CREDIT: How Complaining Rewires Your Brain

What Complaining Does to the Brain

According to Travis Bradberry, Co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and President at TalentSmart, a typical person complains once per minute in a typical conversation! This is very unhealthy because our brains are creatures of lazy habits. When we repeat our pattern, our brain takes less work to repeat than learn.

Think of teaching your kid to tie a shoe. When we first begin the process there is push back, frustration, a lot of concentration. But once it is learned, and repeated (usually multiple times a day), it becomes second nature, and the child no longer thinks about the process.

The same is true with our words.

Images of D. Emoto's research on the power of words on water crystals. — The pictures show the observations of Dr. Emoto. The nice words of affirmation create beautiful geometric shapes while the negative words create damaging shapes.

Words Have Power

On Solomon Island giant beautiful trees sometimes need to be cut. When this is a particularly challenging task, the locals perform a special curse. They join together and yell insults and other derogatory words at the tree, and according to local legend, the negative energy transfers to the tree which then falls within a couple days.

In his book, The Hidden Messages of Water, Dr. Masuro Emoto, reports on his studies on the effects of words on water crystals through high-speed photography and found water crystals formed beautiful geometric shapes when words of love and gratitude were spoken near the water, but destructive shapes when evil words were spoken.

If this is what happens to plants and crystals, how much more does words affect the human mind and health?

According to Stephen Parton, complaining actually KILLS YOU.

Try the Complaint Zapper

How to Move from Complaining to a Gratitude Attitude

Solomon, credited as the wisest man ever to live, said “the soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit,” (Proverbs 15:4) and “the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit,” (Proverbs 18:21). Did you know there are over 126 passages in the Bible discussing the tongue?

It appears, in this matter, faith and science agree. Stop complaining!

But how do we do this?

There is a lot of research on behavior showing numerous ways to modify behavior from eating too much to not sitting down while doing school work. The same theories and practices apply to our minds. Here are three simple ideas on how to move from complaining to a gratitude attitude.

From the mouths of babes: How to use positive words

1. Replace your focus: How many times have you watched a movie or show and fixated on the message, the scenes, the story long after it ended? Read a book you just couldn’t put down? Where you focus is where your brain will go.

When I was learning to drive, my mother told me, “Where your eyes look is where the car will go.” I have learned this principle applies to my mind as well.

If I focus on negative, my tongue is negative. If I focus on what is wrong with the world, my tongue reflects that. But, when I focus on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable– anything excellent or praiseworthy—my entire world changes from all things against me to peaceful, strong and enduring.

2. Replace your behavior: It is easy to say think about good things and entirely different to actually do it. One way I have replaced my tendency to complain is (as trite as it sounds) is to count my blessings.

In our family discussions of the day, for every bad thing we say, we must say three positive things for the day. If I had a bad day at work, I am now forced to think of blessings (that car that let me in before the light changed, my son getting his school work done early, lunch at the table with my hubby). Suddenly, what seemed like the worst day has transformed into a really good day.

3. Practice. A great way to do this is by keeping a journal. There are a lot of calendars and planners that actually have recording your blessings as part of planning for the day; our favorite one this daily planner.

I enjoy doing this as part of my daily meditation when I work out. Using that last little bit at the end of a work out (when endorphins are naturally high) to focus on good, re-sets my brain.

4. Accountability: We are only as strong as the team we have around us. The American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) did a study on accountability and found that you have a 65% chance of completing a goal if you commit to someone. And if you have a specific accountability appointment with a person you’ve committed, you will increase your chance of success by up to 95%.

Share your desire to change focus with your spouse, friends, and family. Then ask them to hold you accountable to this.

May family around the Liberty Bell in Disney World. — What I am most grateful for: my family who can spending time together.

It is easy, especially in quarantine, to focus on the negative. It is easy to want to vent this to your spouse, friends, the world. But, I caution too much of this will physically and emotionally destroy.

I encourage you to make shifting your focus from negative to positive a priority. Ask for an accountability partner in this. And remember, this is a daily discipline. This will not become second nature until you make it a discipline. Like all disciplines, it grows with you and molds to where you are and what you do.

Let me know how this works for you. What is working for you? What strategies have you used? What did not work? I love hearing from you.

TGIF FUN Friday and How It Changed Our Homeschool World

On April 14, 2020April 5, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, behavior, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, homeschool, life, love, Motivate, optimism, screen time, Special Needs2 Comments

For those new to homeschooling, it can be very intimidating. Do we know enough? Can we have the patience? How do I balance everything?

You have come to the right place.

The last elementary school our son went to in Maryland implemented a FUN Friday routine. (Thank you, Tara, for all you do!)

When we decided to home school and work from home, we chose to implement this same thing. Using this incentive routine has been so beneficial in helping our son take responsibility for his own learning – and chores – throughout the week. For more on how to use incentives, check out this blog Let’s Make a Deal). Here is how it works:

1) Monday Start: On Monday have a checklist created of the school tasks assigned for the week. If you missed how to do this, check out last week’s blog Finding Balance: Telework and Homeschooling. Upfront, the student knows what is expected. This helps them plan their own week (a key executive function). It also reminds them their education is their own. You cannot be there all the time.

2) Four Day Week: No one wants to work more than they need. We spend two to three hours a day at school. With great focus, this is all we need for the entire week. The most we have ever needed was to spend four hours in one day. Whatever is not completed Thursday will roll over to Friday.

3) On Friday: Just because it is Friday does not mean our responsibilities cease. In the “real world,” we would still have family obligations (sometimes work depending on the schedule), and regular household tasks. The same is true for our son. The following must be completed PRIOR to FUN Friday commencing:

a. Chores complete: Who wants to play in a messy house? No one. All chores must be completed.

b. Thirty minutes outside: Sun is essential for healthy bodies. Imaginative play is essential for healthy minds. Time playing outside is a requirement. Thirty minutes is our minimum.

c. Read a book: If you have younger kids, a single kid’s book is fine. If you have older kids, depending on the book, at least one (sometimes two) chapters must be read.

d. Be Creative: Imaginative is play is important to development. Art and play are vital to many engineering skills, communication skills, and sometimes give insight into emotional health for a parent. Our son must be creative. Sometimes that is writing a comic book, building Lego, painting, or playing in clay. The options are limitless!

4) FUN Friday is here: This part of the day consists of whatever the child wants (within reason). Our son does not get a lot of screen time (see how we use it in this blog Is Screen Time Your Friend or Enemy). He usually asks for a movie. But sometimes, we use this time to go to a zoo, the aquarium, or another outing. During #socialdistancing, we do games, movies with popcorn, build forts, and so much more. The day is limited only by imagination.

We discovered this small change to education, has increased focus during school, allowed us to start teaching a new language, build on social skills, and increased our family connection in a positive way.

Now that homeschool is becoming a norm, I encourage you to try FUN Friday in your home. See how it goes for a while. Remember, you earn income, paid vacations, flex work hours for your hard work and focus at work. Let’s extend that to our children who need incentives just as much.

Finding Balance: Telework and Home School

On April 7, 2020April 5, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In behavior, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, homeschool, Hope, life, love, Motivate, optimism, purpose, screen time, Special Needs2 Comments

photo-of-women-using-laptops- — photo-of-women-using-laptops

In most American schools, and the average day at school is six hours. Add in travel time, lunch, extracurriculars and this can easily become a ten-hour a day event. This is a great balance for working parents. Children are educated while parents bring home the bacon.

But this is no longer a reality.

With more people teleworking from home, and schools across the nation closed for the year, many are asking “How do I work full-time and teach my child?”

As a two-income working house, and I work 40-60-hour weeks, I understand first hand the struggle of education and income. We are a tenured homeschool family who has been schooling well before #Coronavirus or #COVID-19 were household words. So, is it possible to do both?

YES. It is a combination of art and science, but completely doable. Here is what has worked for us over the past year.

1. Meditation: We are a praying house. But not everyone is. We have found when we start our day with prayer, mediation, and/or work out (I love Yogashred), our moods are elevated, our focus is keener and our bodies are in alignment. The extra benefit is our health is taken care of prior to the health of our company. Companies are only as good as the health of their talent.

grayscale-photography-of-man-sitting-on-grass-field

2. Start Work Early: My work day starts well before most people are out of bed. This allows me a solid 3 hours to get uninterrupted and focused work completed. The earlier the start the more productive I am.

3. Have a set work time: Set hours of work where the school cannot interfere. This might mean breaking your workday into 2 two-hour segments, or 4 two-hour segments. The trick is to ensure when you focus on work, your attention is on work. When you focus on school, your attention is at school. Closing your “office door” or taping a “Do Not Distrub” sign up can be visuals for your family to stay away while at work.

writings-in-a-planner: Today is the Perfect Day to be Happy

4. Plan a Routine: We all know routine is healthy for our mentality. That is true for children as well. We give our son a weekly assignment list. This includes all worksheets, lessons, quizzes, tests he will need to complete to stay on track. This allows the kiddo to know what to expect and begin to take some independence and responsibility for their own education.

5. Work First. Play Later: When we present the weekly school task, we operate by a Fun Friday mentality (check out next week’s blog for more details). If all school is completed prior to Friday, you get Friday off. This is also beneficial for parents who work because that means Fridays your attention is not torn between work and school during “school hours.” We operate under no games, screen time, etc. until schoolwork is complete.

woman-in-grey-sleeveless-top-with-girl-on-her-lap-playing

6. Turn on music: There is tons of research on how music is both good for the soul and productivity. We use classical music or whale sounds quietly in our home while we work. This is an aural clue work is to be done. We leave the Anamainics and Lego Music for playtime.

Homeschooling is intimidating (we actually debated it for four years prior to taking the leap). Homeschooling while working is even scarier. This week, remember, this doesn’t have to be perfect. And it won’t be perfect. There will be adjustments. There will be times of frustration. There will be times of feeling like a failure.

Find what works for you and go for it. Be encouraged. You are not in this alone.

COVID-19 and the Real World or How to Survive Social Distancing

On March 20, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Corona Virus, COVID-19, Motivate1 Comment

In case you have been living under a rock, COVID-19 is a real thing. More deaths than the average flu. Towns are shut down. Travel shut down. School shut down. In just a few short weeks, the world has discovered the #introvertadvantage.

Fear is rampant. Families separated. Hospitals are overrun. Is there any other story in the media today?

Kids are home, out of routine, lonely and increasingly scared. Being a parent has taken on a new back-breaking load – how to keep your kids calm in the middle of this crazy storm.

Here are some tips on how to help your kids find peace and clarity in this colossal hurricane of COVID-19.

What our first home school schedule looked like

Keep a routine. Humans, by nature, thrive on routine. From getting up and ready to going to bed at night, we operate through a routine. Take out the most central part of a child’s day and you are set up for chaos. School is not just a place to learn about math, science, and literature. It is a place of friendship building, community development, and space. Space from parents and siblings (in some cases). So throughout this time, set a routine where school is apart of the day. Include some breaks from each other. Include some video telecalls to their friends and family. And remember, this too shall pass.

My kiddo doing his part sending some love to the Senior Citizens

Find ways to help. The community is only as strong as its weakest link. There are many ways to help from home. Remember, nonprofits and churches still operate their community funds. They still need income to ensure the homeless have food, the low income can pay the electric bill (which just went up because people are home more), and safe places for an escape from the dangerous. If you already give, keep giving. If you don’t, I encourage you to start. Want to be more hands-on, Neighbors Helping Neighbors is providing training on how to help neighbors safely. Help the truck drivers with a meal (you are still getting deliveries, but their rest stops are closed). Even the smallest act of kindness goes a long way.

Have a sanctuary. Refuge and safety are more important today than ever. When people are crammed together, they have shorter tempers and we humans tend to get a bit crazy. A small space you can call your own, escape to in the chaos of the house, that is simply yours is valuable when there is not a pandemic. It is even more valuable now. Ensure some sanctuary and calming time is a part of your schedule. Outside on the back porch or inside a closet of the house…whatever works for you.

Get outside. Cabin Fever WILL set in and it is a REAL thing. In 1918, the Influenza pandemic swept through the world much like COVID-19. There were two ways to treat patients. Inside and outside. What a Boston, MA hospital discovered was a combination of fresh air, sunlight, scrupulous standards of hygiene, substantially reduced deaths among some patients and infections among medical staff. So go outside. Enjoy the sunshine. Remember that the sky is blue and the sun is bright and the breeze feels so good on your skin.

Being creative with #paintbynumber…I haven’t broken my need for lines and regulations yet. 🙂

Be creative and productive. It is easy to think you are stuck within the cell that is now your home. But you are in a world equipped with so much to be entertained in – without turning on your TV. Plan an instrument? Play it. Have some paper laying around? Write. Legos? Build. Paint. Color. Draw. Or, for those social media addicts, get online and recite poetry, sing, dance, get goofy! We all need a little happier. Depression and loneliness are real things. These get even worse in isolation. So, enjoy being a goof for people to laugh at or sing a song for people to love. It might be the one thing that saves a life. If you are feeling suicidal or depressed, there is help. Call the National Suicide line 1-800-273-8255 for help.

The family that sweats together stays healthy together. Workout run (in safety gear). Quarter miles sprints!

Work Out. Chill Out. Stress is high and endorphins are low. Be sure you are fueling your body and your mind as we walk through this new “normal.” 30 minutes of cardio a day is great. This can be easily accomplished by a walk outside (no neighbors necessary), a run on a treadmill if you have one, or numerous free workouts on YouTube and Amazon Prime. Just search your favorite activity and you will be bombarded with choices from yoga to kickboxing and dance. For those of you on Wii – don’t forget about Wii Fit. There are so many options. Have fun with it. For a special challenge, join the 30 Day #5fitchallenge with #SOFLFit5 (Special Olympics Florida). IT is a great way to hold yourself and your special kiddo accountable to maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Use this time to be productive. Whether that means working on those summer abs, catching up on that reading list, finishing those household projects, or whatever, remember, your kids will follow your lead. So, whatever you do, remember this too shall pass. We are more than conquerors. We are the light. Be the light. Be love. Choose joy.

Some Where Over The Rainboots

Tag: routine

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