Tag: sleep

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10 Steps to a Healthier Heart

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In goals, health, life, Motivate, sleep, Special NeedsLeave a comment

It is that time of year again. Roses are blooming. Hearts are everywhere. The little-themed class valentines are appearing everywhere from Walmart to Amazon.

But February is more than a month of boxes of chocolates and Forget-me-nots. It is also National Heart Month. This is a month to take stock of our hearts. After a month of new year’s resolutions, how healthy is your heart?

Is your heart healthy physically? Spiritually? Emotionally? As we start this heart-healthy month, here are ten tips for getting your heart healthy and keeping it that way.

Growth through life

1. Develop a growth mindset: First, let us realize we are not perfect. We can be better at a lot of things. Failure is just a way something did not work – it does not make you a failure. Failures can help show us where we can work better, where we are stronger, and where we can modify things to better serve our purposes. Use these as fuel not capstones.

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2. Get your priorities straight: When we lived in Maryland, we were so burdened by the stress busy on the go life, and we did not realize how much until we moved out of state. In the move, we realized we had our priorities out of place. We were so focused on work, school, and the appearance we were giving, that we stopped focusing on the real things that matter – faith, family, friends. We were lonely. Exhausted. Stressed. If we learned anything, it was to get our priorities straight. For me, that means God, family (husband then kid), myself, then friends, then my community. When I need to decide on who gets my attention and how beneficial it will be to my family, I think in this priority list.

Baby steps

3. Take it one step at a time: Every goal is a goal because it has not yet been attained. So, as you evaluate your life (and how far you have come in your new year’s resolutions), remember it takes time. Whether you have chosen one of these resolutions you can keep or something else, it is a process.  The same goes with your heart. You will not wake up tomorrow and have perfect heart health. Do not set yourself up for failure. Remember, each day is a new day and getting to a healthy place takes time.

Crush that workout!

4. Let us get physical: I am the first to say I want to curl up with a delightful book by the fire or binge-watch a show on Netflix or Amazon. Although a part of my heart-healthy me (love myself) decision making, it is not a part of the physically healthy heart I want. We make it a priority in our home to work out a minimum of four days a week. We like our YMCA gym with classes and weights, but we have also learned to be able to use free YouTube workout videos or cheap online programs to mix things up or to be able to do during quarantine/gym closures. Just because you must stay at home does not give mean you cannot get your sweat on! I like Yoga Shred, Les Mills, and Piyo as great at home programs.  

:et’s come up with a plan together.

5. Plan: This year my husband has set a crazy family goal for us – 300 miles in 365 days! If you know me at all, you know I hate running. But my husband and son love it. So, as part of our heart-healthy family, we run. We have a calendar on the wall that shows our progress and acts as a daily reminder to get out there. My husband and son are also much faster than me, but instead of leaving me to finish alone, they always make a point to run back to me (after they finished their run) and run the reminder with me. We start as a family and finish as a family.

I think you should give yourself a break.

6. Give yourself a break: I am a perfectionist. I loved 100% grades in school. I love a pristine home. I love things done well. But I have also learned to give myself a break. We are not perfect and never will be. The goal needs to shift from perfection to better. I will not run 365 days in a row. Not happening. My husband knows this. So, he gave me 65 days of grace. 65 days I do not have to run. I get a break! This helps build my emotional heart health and family heart health.

You’ll make time.

7. Make time: Part of any good health plan is to make time. As Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, made popular by the song Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds, says, to everything there is a season. Time to work out. Time to spend with God. Time to spend with your family. Time to laugh. Time to rest. Make the time to make your heart goals a priority. This might mean you take time on the weekend prepping meals for the week. Or you get an hour earlier so you can have quiet time with God. Or you take Friday night once a week to hang out with the girls. The trick is to set it in your planner and make it a priority. For me, if it is in the planner, it happens. If it is not, chances are 50/50.

Eat right, feel amazing!

8. Eat right: I am not a nutritionist, dietician, or doctor. But I am confident that eating right is a part of maintaining a healthy heart. It is also super important for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, weight, and has significant benefits for those with special needs. The gut is related to the brain and everything else. What we put in has an enormous impact on us. So, whether this means your goal is to reduce sugar intake, limit eating out, or increase protein and vegetables in your diet, figure out what works for you. I like the GAPS diet as a great way to start (not stay).  This will allow you to see what your body thrives on and what may be harming it. It is also a wonderful way to get a baseline on how you feel and your health. We did it for two years and learned so much about ourselves.

Gotta stay healthy.

9. Slowly replace unhealthy with healthy: No one should be expected to quit or start something cold turkey. The success rate is limited at best. Instead, try replacing things one thing at a time. According to Healthline, it takes 3-8 months to make something a habit.  So, take it one habit at a time. If physical fitness is the key, focus on moving the body for three months before tackling the diet too (or vice versa). If spiritual health is your focus, focus on adding in a devotional or meditation before also adding a small group or class. If emotional health is key, focus on adding quality time with family and friends before adding the next ten meetups you can find. Pick one thing for a minimum of three months and replace the unhealthy habit you want to discard from your life. Slow and steady wins the race.

Get enough sleep

10. Get enough sleep:  Ever notice how no one ever says they hate sleep.? There is a reason for that. Sleep rejuvenates us and heals us. Our bodies do amazing things while we sleep to make us better and stronger. It also helps clear our brains and gives our brains the ability to make wiser and healthy choices with our family, friends, and communities. A wonderful way to have a healthy physical and emotional heart is to get enough quality sleep. If sleep is a hard thing for you or someone you love, as it has been for me and my son, then I encourage you to take a look at these 10 steps to a better night’s sleep that helped us.

So, whether your goal is to be more heart-healthy spiritually, emotionally, or physically, you can do more than you think you can. May these steps work as an encouragement to you as you and I work toward healthier living.

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15 Easy New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Behavior, goals, Motivate, new years resolution, Special Needs2 Comments

We are halfway through January and (with all the spikes in COVID cases) and the holiday hullabaloo behind us, perhaps you have forgotten about New Year’s Resolutions.  It can be easy to get lost in the fast-paced world of life and then feel like you are already behind. 

Not to worry.  I have compiled some of my top 15 favorite resolutions I have done (and some I continue to do) to help inspire you and your family to live a more animated life.  Many of these are simple, measurable goals that won’t leave you feeling guilty at the end of the month (or next year).

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1. Read a new book each month: This is a great one to do alone or with your spouse or friend.  It is also a measurable goal and easy to do. Find new books that interest you and read them.  I like to read with my hubby before bed.  This is a great way to be intimate with each out and have a date night for free.  Or, I have also enjoyed book clubs.  Clubs are a great way to meet new friends and get out of the house.

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2. Do something creative each month: This is a fun one.  I have found using a subscription service to be helpful.  Monthly getting a box of something new and creative to do brings a little more joy to the mailbox and the house.  I then use what was created to decorate my house.  Cratejoy has a ton of subscriptions for all ages. 

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3. Discover one new place each month: We all get into the habit of eating at the same places, going to the same places, and doing the same things.  This is great for those of us who like routine.  But, life is not routine (as much as I wish kit were sometimes).  It is good for us to shake things up.  So go out and explore your neighborhood or the world for that matter.  Try something new and make some new memories.

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4. Sleep better: This is one I try to do all the time.  Sleep helps us function better during the day, have better relationships, think better, and so much more.  Sleep is also what a lot of kids and teenagers struggle with.  For some great steps on how to help with this, check out this blog on 10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep.

Exercise is good for your health. If a T-Rex can do it with short hands a big head, you can too.

5. Exercise more:  I know, this sounds like every other resolution you have heard.  And you would be right.  But, let’s face it, we all work in front of screens, socialize in front of screens, get entertained in front of screens.  Our bodies were not designed to just sit.  Our bodies thrive on movement.  We get endorphins, are happier, and look nicer in that swimsuit (summer is just around the corner) or jeans.  But this doesn’t have to be a do-or-die goal.  Make it simple.  Just plan to incorporate a walk after work with dogs, or a run in the morning with your son, or just get on YouTube and enjoy a quick 25–60-minute workout. Make it a social thing and do it with a friend. 

Eat better. Not less.

6. Eat better: I love food.  I also like a healthy family.  Gut health affects brain health.  Gut health effects are particularly strong for those with neuro and sensory needs.  We have learned how to incorporate healthy (on a budget) and enjoy really good food. The more colorful our plate the yummier our food tastes.  Many of our daily recipes we use for entertaining as well and hear only “oo’s” and “awes.” Need help getting started?  Check out these simple recipes. 

Do something new.

7. Do something new each month: Sometimes I feel like I get in a rut.  The best way to get me out of a rut is to try something new.  Sometimes this is a new experience altogether (new food, new museum, etc.), but it can be as low-key or extreme as you wish.  I know someone who used this resolution to give him the guts to go sky diving and another who used it to travel the world.  Just recently, I did this by helping replace our stove range. It can be simple and little or something you need to get done on a budget or something big and grand. Enjoy.

Family night – a time for fun and family.

8. Monthly family night: Life gets busy fast. With sports teams, music lessons, study sessions, games, and friends, it can seem like your child is a roommate (who doesn’t help with the bills) the older they get. Take the family back.  We like a daily mealtime together. But once a day over dinner (sometimes breakfast) is not enough.  We like a monthly family night when we play games, watch movies with popcorn, or roast marshmallows by the fire.  This is especially great when hubby is on swing shifts or 14-hour day shifts.  We can plan a time together and not feel like it is crammed into the schedule.

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9. Self-care:  This is a hard one for me.  My older sister has been encouraging me to do this for years.  As a mom, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself.  Truth be told, I haven’t even had a haircut since 2019!  It is just easier to ensure my family has what they need and want first.  But self-care doesn’t have to be hard or cumbersome.  Have a glass of wine with friends on a Friday night.  I like working out with friends (making friends and getting healthier).  I love going to farmer’s markets and enjoying the sites and smells.  Sometimes there is nothing better than snuggling under a blanket and reading.  The important thing is that you take the time to plan for it.  Because if you do not plan for it, you never will get it.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

10. Serve someone else: The season of giving is winding down.  But it doesn’t have to end.  No matter the season, serving someone else is so good for all involved.  Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads and focusing on the negative.  The best way to do this is to serve someone else.  This might mean teaching Sunday School at your church or volunteering with the babies.  Or, it might mean sitting with your elderly neighbor an hour a week and reading to them or learning about their incredible life!  Fear has taken hold the last two years, our elders have survived wars, sickness, and so much more.  Learn and grow from their strength.  Or volunteer at the local elementary school teaching how to read or simply cutting out and printing worksheets for the overworked teacher.    

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11. 365 days of gratitude: This one is so important to me.  It was a resolution I had years ago and practice I continue.  Gratitude is so important because it changes our perspective and often calms us down (preventing us from doing something stupid).  Being thankful in all circumstances is a great way to not only change your world but the whole world.  If we all just found one thing daily to be grateful for, imagine the difference in attitudes we would have. 

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12. Monthly Date Night: I love date night!  I covet date night!  Having a date night is hard with a special needs kid.  It is hard for military families who always move.  It is hard for families with multiple kids who just have so much going on.  Date night does not have to be a big deal.  It is there to build and strengthen a relationship with someone you already love.  Here are 12 great date night ideas we use and still keep in budget. 

Helping people is right.

13. Service Project/Awareness monthly: There is so much pain in the world and so few people know about it, much less do anything about it.  Take 12 months and learn about different issues (local and global).  At the end of the year, pick one that you became passionate about and get involved.  Serve.  Do a campaign of awareness.  Donate.  Just do something about it.  Be the change in the world.

Learn something and better yourself.

14. Take a Class:  I know, most adults hate school.  That is because we were forced to go to school growing up learning about things we don’t like.  Our kids currently hate it for the same reason.  But learning doesn’t have to be torture.  Take a class with your kids (or just yourself) and learn something new.  Always want to learn a new language? Do it.  Duolingo is a free way to start and see if you like it.  Want to learn a new hobby?  Take a class at Hobby Lobby or Lowes.  Want to be able to make your car repairs?  Take a class at the local community college.  Be open to learning more things. Learning new things is fun and healthy – and can help prevent diseases like dementia.  

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15. Start letter writing: Screen fatigue is a real thing.  It is happening more and more often in this post COVID world.  Everything is on a screen.  Zoom and Google Chat have taken over our lives.  We like to take a step back, put out real paper and pen and compose a nice greeting or letter to a family member or friend.  This is a great way to keep in touch over a distance and have a keepsake for the kids when they are older.   Try just writing to one person.  Or write to someone different monthly.  It is so wonderful to see what comes back in the mail.  Enjoy.

Whatever you pick for your resolution, I hope it helps bring joy and unity to your household.  May you be covered in Peace, Love, and Joy this year.  May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back.

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10 Steps to a Better Night’s Sleep

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In family, Motivate, parenting, screen time, sleep, Special Needs1 Comment
I’m SO tired!

We have all been there.  Three AM and you are staring at the ceiling.  The fan spins and you try to count the repetitions.  Sheep have been no help.  Your brain swirls with the thoughts of the crazy that was your day and dread for the day to follow slowly seeps in. 

Suddenly, the silence of the house is shattered by the bouncing bubbly kid in the room down the hall.  Energy pours out of his room.  Joy exuberates from him.  He is excited to start his day…before the sun.

You groan as you turn over.  You know today will be like yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.  Why can’t this kid just sleep?  By the time he is asleep, you finally get a bit of me-time.  But me-time at midnight is never good.  This needs to change. But how?

There is no debate on how badly poor sleep affects us.  Poor sleep can hurt our hormones, performance, and brain function.  It can cause weight gain and increase the risk of disease (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). 

But, oh sweet, good sleep, can have incredibly good results.  It can help you eat less, exercise better, have better response times, have more control of your emotions, and increase of thought process (2, 8, 9, 10).

With New Year’s upon us, perhaps now is a great time to take charge of our sleep to have better success with our other New Year’s Goals.

Speaking from experience, this is exhausting for you, your partner, and your children. Here are ten tips we used to help our son (and ourselves) get on a better sleep schedule.

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Reduce blue light exposure during the evening:  Blue light comes from our screens.  We surround ourselves with blue light, especially before bed.  Checking our social media before bed may sound relaxing, but the blue light stimulates us (along with the social media).  So put a stop to screen time at least 30 minutes before bed.  We try for an hour on school nights. No TV, no video games, no phone, no computer.  Instead, use this time to relax and connect face to face with those you cherish the most. Click here for more tips on how to manage screen time.

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Reduce naps during the day/length of naps: I LOVE naps! But, we limit naps.  If we or our son takes a nap, it is usually on a weekend to allow a little breath before scheduled sleep.  When our son was younger, he could take a nap for two hours or more.  We quickly learned this was detrimental.  Now, if he takes a nap, it is limited to 15-30 minutes.  The best way to know you slept enough for a nap is to take your keys (or something else that makes sound) and hold them in your hands.  When you have slept enough for a day nap, you will relax enough the keys will drop and wake you up.  Perfectly refreshed for the remainder of the day without messing up your sleep that night.

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Start a pre-bedtime routine: If you have followed me even for a short time, you know how much I love routine.  This is one of my favorite routines.  This is great for executive functioning and calming down for sleep.  We use this simple routine in our house.  After dinner, we brush our teeth, take a shower, and get in PJs.  Then we do a meditation/prayer and story.  This typically takes 30 minutes if done correctly. This routine acts as a mental trigger that the day is ending, and it is time for bed.   

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Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time: This one is hard.  I admit.  Especially as more people and commitments claim on your time. Find a time that allows the right amount of time for your child to get enough sleep.  We kept an 8 PM bedtime for our son till he was a teenager.  Then we increased it to 9 PM on weekdays and 10 PM on weekends (unless there was a game/dance/etc.)  And let’s be honest, no good happens after 10 PM anyway.  We also keep a routine wake-up time.  Alarm clocks may be needed for the first few weeks to get the body used to it, but soon you will find you naturally wake up at the same time daily.  This is important even on weekends.  You might think sleeping in on weekends is good, but it can mess you up for the first few days of the week.

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Optimize the bedroom: The room is a sanctuary.  It should be a place where you feel safe and comfortable.  The best sleep happens in comfortable rooms.  Here are some things we use to help our family sleep:

  • No screens: There are no screens in our son’s bedroom.  No computer. No phone. No TV.  These produce light, sound, and are an easy distraction once the kid thinks Mom and Dad went to bed.   
  • Blackout Curtains: These are lifesavers.  Two houses we lived in had a streetlight that shone straight into our son’s room.  These curtains helped block that light and create a boy cave for him.  He knew when they were drawn, it was time for hibernation.
  • White Noise/Soft Wordless Music: We lived off a highway in Maryland for years.  You often heard sirens and the like at odd hours of the night.  We learned white noise and wordless music were great for helping our son sleep.  Do kids share a room?  No problem! Try this awesome tool in the child’s pillow and they can listen to their own sound without bothering their roommate.
  • Temperature: A room that is too hot or too cold is prohibitive to good sleep.  The best sleep temperature is about 70° F (20° C).  But the temperature is dependent on your preference.  Test it out. 

Don’t eat before bed: When you are having trouble sleeping, it is tempting to find yourself in the kitchen eating. We often go beyond the warm glass of milk and eat a bowl of cereal or ice cream. Not only is this bad for our waistlines, but it is also bad for our sleep.  Your body uses sleep to restore muscles and systems.  When we eat before bed, we tell our bodies to divert that energy to digestion.  Save yourself and just say no.  I find when I am tempted, a good cup of hot tea is perfect.

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Relax before bed: Relaxing before bed helps me and my family fall asleep and stay in deeper sleep longer.  Take a nice hot shower or bath, do some meditation or yoga (or both).  Read an actual book.  The blue light from a Kindle or iPad will be counterproductive.  Need some entertainment? Do some art or adult coloring pages. Take up a new hobby.  Sew. Crotchet. Knit.  There is so much you can do that does not require a screen. Enjoy learning about you and your kids.

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Rule out a sleep disorder: This one is so important – especially for those with special needs.  Sleep disorders are real. Take the time.  Talk to your doctor.  Describe the sleep your child (or you) is getting.  Do a sleep study.  They are not scary and can be quite comfortable.  This can be eye-opening.  We learned a lot when we took our son for one.  One eye-opening thing is how fast my son can hit REM.  Once he shuts his eyes; he is practically in REM.  This means he is being charged faster than the average human.  Due to this, he needs slightly less sleep than other kids his age.  Taking with our doctor (who happened to see my son fall asleep in a routine checkup once) was so helpful in starting our path to successful sleep.  

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Exercise regularly: It is New Year.  You are thinking you will be at the gym five nights a week for an hour or two.  Let’s get real.  That is probably not true. But you should work out regularly.  Take a walk after work and enjoy the outside world.  Do a workout online or in your gym.  Start the day with a workout.  Just, do yourself a favor, and do not work out before bed.  This will increase your adrenaline and prevent the natural melatonin from working. 

Don’t drink liquids before bed:  This is important especially for young ones working on potty training.  This is a great model to use lifelong.  Drinking too much before bed keeps us up or wakes us up at odd hours. Waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom can stimulate your brain enough to prevent you from being able to go back to sleep.  Try to limit the liquids at least an hour before bed.

Wake Up Routine

BONUS: If all else fails, set rules for waking up the house.  This is so important if you have a child like mine who literally needs less sleep.  Here are some of the rules we incorporated that helped keep the rest of the house asleep and the house peaceful:

  • A time when to leave the room: If your child is waking between 3 AM and 6 AM, it might be helpful to get a visual clock and tell them when an appropriate time to leave the room and start the day is.  This helps with the telling of time and teaches family values and compassion.  Different children have different needs.
  • Give activities they can do: If toys are in their room, let them play. Books are a great way to keep them engaged and quiet.  Books do so much more too! We also allow our son to use his electronic drum set, but he must use headphones. 
  • Have a Coffee Rule: We have the One Cup of Coffee Rule.  Even if we are awake, the quiet of the house must remain until the end of the first cup of coffee.  This allows everyone to wake at their own pace and keep the house peaceful in the mornings.

We use these tips for our entire household.  It has changed how we operate, how kind we are to each other, and helps create a productive environment throughout the day.  These are by no means all the tips that can help you. I encourage you to try them.  Use what works for you.  Ditch what does not.

May this year be one full of rest, relaxation, and growth.

10 Tips to a Peaceful Christmas Season

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In christmas, family, gratitude, Motivate, peace, Special Needs2 Comments
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Quartine.  Sickness.  Riots.  Arguments.  Politics.  Tantrums. Deadlines. “I wants.” 

Kids home most of the year. Routines completely out of whack. Families apart for the holidays.

It seems like Christmas 2019 was a different world.  This year peace seems so much farther away than usual.  But it doesn’t have to be.

Here are some of the things my family does year-round to help us remain in peace.  May these simple tips help you and yours this Christmas season.

Deep Breathing exercise
  1. Deep Breathing: Breathing is essential to life.  Deep breathing is essential to self-control and calmness.  Along with regulating blood pressure, helping relax muscles, deep breathing decreases the stress hormone cortisol – and who doesn’t want less stress? When things seem out of control, take a deep breath.  Recite a favorite verse or proverb and remind yourself, this too will pass.  Here is a great article for Harvard Health on how to make deep breathing a routine.  this more a routine.
Jimmeny Cricket prepares for sleep

2. Go to bed on time (maybe even a little early): For my followers, you know how much I value sleep and the many benefits it gives.  In addition to improving concentration, lowering health issues (like heart and diabetes), sleep is good for emotional response. A study done on this by the Mental Health Foundation found that people that didn’t get enough sleep were four times as likely to suffer from lack of concentration, have relationship problems and 3 times more likely to be depressed, and 2.6 times more likely to commit suicide.

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3. Go outside: Something is calming about being out in nature.  Seeing the colors, feeling the warmth of the sun, or the comfort of a cool breeze, it a sensation unlike any other.  More that, being outside lowers depression and stress, is social, and increases short-term memory and concentration.  But, more than that, it gives the brain a minute to take a break and process the day.  For those who need it, it is also a safe way to take a break from family members or use it as a way to talk through a situation.

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4. Make a list of things you’re thankful for: I am a big proponent of counting blessings. There is something about writing them out that does help shift the mind from a “Woe is me” to a “Blessed is me” attitude.  Gratitude helps physical and psychological health and is a benefit to getting good sleep.    

Reading

5. Read/watch something uplifting:  What we put before our eyes affect what we think and feel.  Ever walk out of the theatre after watching a suspense movie and take extra precaution walking to the car?  This year there has been so much negative news and more movies and shows of intense drama, fear, and, call it what it is, poor behavior.  When I talk to friends and family who have been reading and watching these things, their anxiety and fear are much higher than those who have chosen to spend that same time watching and reading positive and uplifting things.  Positive words are healthy for one’s body and mind.

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6. Listen to uplifting music: Some of us do not have time for books and TV shows.  Instead, we spend our days working and running the household and driving kids to this appointment or that.  But, during that time, we are still taking in messages.  Use this time to listen to what is uplifting.  In the car, limit how much news and talk radio you listen to.  Set a specific time frame and then move on to uplifting audiobooks or music.  At work, create a playlist or station on Spotify or Pandora that is designed to help focus and still brings in good vibes.

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7. Write down your worries…then burn them:  This is one of my favorite things to do.  There is something powerful about writing down the worries.  It gives them a concrete feeling.  And concrete can be destroyed.  Once they are written down, it allows me to see the worry as a challenge with limits.  Once there are limits to the fear, that means there is a way to conquer the fear.  Once I can see the worry is not abstract, I then pray over them and then – burn them. 

8. Spend time with a close friend: When we are busy (or quarantined), it is easy to forget to invest in other relationships.  We forget to do things that bring us joy and help us relax.  But something is refreshing about spending time with people we love.  As a military family, we have lived all over.  It is still my favorite thing to screen time family and friends, not near us.  The apps Marco Polo and Whatapp are particularly great for this because you can send video, text, and audio no matter the time of day for them to open when it works for them.  But, there is something wonderful about sharing a cup of Joe and playing a game or watching a movie together (either in person or on a Zoom). This also helps us carry each other’s burdens and reminds us we are not alone in this. 

Healthy food fast

9. Enjoy a delicious, nutritious meal: I love food! I also believe it has a major impact on our health, behavior, and attitudes. Health food helps my body to operate better.  But, more importantly, I feel better.  When I feel better physically, I feel better mentally.  I also respond to information with more logic and less emotion. When we are pressed for time and/or overwhelmed, it is easy to let good healthy habits fall by the wayside (especially with the holiday goodies at every turn).   However, taking a little time to eat nutritiously, will change the impact on your life and the life of those in your household.

10. Be playful and laugh a lot! This year, more than most, it has been easier to forget to laugh and play. But these two things are so important to our relationships, heart, and mental health. Adults need recess too! Play is both fun and motivating. Studies show that people and leaders who laugh are more composed in the face of adversity and have a “bright side” mentality.

This Christmas and holiday season, as we are celebrating with new traditions, different people, and face the coming New Year, let’s remember we can be at peace in the face of adversity.  May these tips help you, as they do me and mine, this season and year to come.

7 Steps to Preventing Divorce Before It Starts

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In marriage, Motivate, Special Needs1 Comment
Divorce is messier than investing in your marriage

Marriage is a messy process.  Hollywood would have us believe marriage is happily ever after all the time.

“We grew apart.” “We just wanted different things.” “We had irreconcilable differences.” 

All of these things are often the reason for divorce. When they are simply saying the same thing – “We just didn’t invest in our marriage anymore; divorce was easier.”

Marriage is a choice.  Daily.  You must choose to love your spouse daily.  Choose to put their needs above your own daily.  Choose to see the good in them daily.  Choose to work as a team daily.

There is a reason weddings have vows and licenses are needed for marriage.  It is a heavy undertaking. 

Once the “honeymoon” has worn off (and it will), and life really sets in (death in the family, sickness, special needs, pandemics), that is exactly when the marriage starts.

It is easy to “love” when people agree with you and life is going your way.  It is a lot harder to love when you have been months out of work, or your spouse travels for work a lot, or your kids’ doctor’s appointments are never-ending and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

So how do you save your marriage before it fails?

Avoid parenting your partner

1.       Avoid parenting your partner: I think this is harder for wives sometimes.  Often the comment about kids includes their spouse.  When we parent our partner, we are saying we don’t trust them as peers.  We actually disrespect them as adult humans.  We create a separation between us.  Instead, partner parent and see how that deepens your marriage.

Embrace differences

2.       Embrace differences: Remember when you were dating and you just loved how different your partner was?  Being equally yoked is more than just a faith expression.  A yoke was used to pair animals together to work together toward a common goal.  It keeps animals moving in the same direction.  But, it only works well if you pair the right animals together.  A physically strong animal with a mentally strong animal is a great combination.  Marriage is no different.  You have been yoked together.  Where I am weak, my husband is strong and vice versa.  We pair well because we are different.  Embrace this especially in the hard times (like when one wants to grieve a diagnosis and the other pushes forward or one is fighting post-partum and the other fights PTSD).  

Be proactive in communication

3.       Be proactive: Don’t let resentment build. I have so many people talk to me about how their partner doesn’t help parent, or clean, or spends too much time in front of the video game and not with their child.  But, these same people do not express that to their partner – the person who needs to hear it the most. Ask for help sooner.  If the laundry is becoming an issue, ask for help.  If mopping is your downfall, ask for help.  If you have to reschedule or re-order your schedule, ask for help.  The point of marriage is to have a  help-partner for life.  When we stop being helpmates and instead, become roommates, we invite separation and seeds of divorce to be planted.  

Good debate is healthy for a marriage

4.       Argue and Debate:  Hollywood has ingrained in western society that arguing is wrong and harmful to a romantic relationship.  Hollywood is stupid. Healthy arguing leads to creative solutions and stronger bonds.  I don’t recommend daily arguing, or insulting, or physically arguing, but a healthy argument and debate can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner, stronger family bonds, and some incredible solutions. Two different people are becoming one unit.  Change takes works, time, and is painful.  The orange tree doesn’t start with fruit.  It must stretch and go through growing pains, fight off insects and strong powerful winds, and more before it has a single fruit.  A good harvest is still years off at this point.  Marriage is no different.  Work. Argue. Learn. Grow.

Stay creative in your dating life

5.       Get creative when it comes to romance: My husband and I have been on a handful of dinner and movie dates in the past six years.  We have a weekly date night.  It is easy to get comfortable and complacent in your date life.  Don’t.  Be creative.  Think about the other person. Take turns planning it.  Enjoy being silly or dressing up or just playing a game.  Dates do not have to be dinner and a movie.  Sitting in front of a movie where you can’t talk with your partner surrounded by a bunch of strangers is the farthest thing from a great date in my mind.  I much prefer creating something together or playing a game.  Check out these ideas for some creative date nights that won’t break the budget.  

Thank you

6.       Appreciate each other’s efforts:  Share responsibility.  Before we married, we discussed the division of duties.  I dislike yard work.  He dislikes laundry and mopping.  We simply divided the chores.  His domain is outside and mines inside.  He is an excellent cook and I am a great teacher.  He does dinner and I do homework.  It is about balance, an equal yoke.  No one should feel they have all the responsibility all the time.  Remember, they are doing work and investing.  Thank them.  A “thank you, you are appreciated and valued,” goes a long way.  Recognize the effort.  Give a thank you card, or surprise present for no reason, or simply send an “I appreciate it when…” text to your partner and see how your marriage strengthens.  The Love Dare is full of great ideas and resources for this to become a regular practice in your marriage.

Sleep

7.       Sleep: Sleep is hard to come by the older you get.  The lack of sleep leads to irritability, memory issues, anxiety, lower immune system functions, and so many other effects. When I have not been sleeping well, it shows in how I treat my spouse more than anyone else.  Study after study, show the importance of sleep for our health.  This translates to the health of our marriage as well.  Don’t argue when tired.  Table it.  Don’t express frustration when tired.  Table it. Don’t let yourself become sleep deprived in the first place.  Talk about the quality and amount of sleep you are getting with your partner regularly.  This will help them better understand you and may lead to some insight into the reason – ultimately leading to solutions that help you, your marriage, and your family completely.

For more ideas on how to strengthen your marriage, take a look at my Facebook page.

10 Easy Steps to Successful Time Management – How to keep your School/Work/Home Life in Harmony

On By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In homeschool, Motivate, Special Needs1 Comment

Sometimes it feels like life is a juggling act.  Juggling school and work.  Juggling play dates and cleaning.  Juggling parenting and being a spouse.  Juggling life.

How do we find peace in the chaos? Simple. Time management.

Time management is not a complex theory of life, as some may think.  Time management taking (or not taking) simple steps to make life easier. The continuous use of these simple steps will make you more productive at school, work, and life with an added benefit of decreased stress.

Here are the 10 steps of time management my family uses:

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

1)      Allow time for planning and Make a List: Planning can often seem like a waste of time.  But, this small step at the beginning can save you tons of time at the end of a project.  We set a tentative plan for the month/week and modify as our needs change.  Life happens, plans change.  Planning ultimately allows for flexibility. We also use this planning time to make lists.  We love to check things off.  It gives a simple sense of accomplishment and keeps us motivated to move forward when things get complicated.  

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

2)      Keep work with you: I don’t know about you, but I always seem to find downtime in my day.  Whether it be while driving or walking to an appointment, or waiting in line, or waiting for a doctor show to a scheduled appointment, I wait. Waiting is a part of life. Knowing how to use this downtime efficiently can be a huge advantage.  We have a choice. We can either scroll through a social media page or we can practice a new language or worksheet, or read a required book, or practice and review your notes for the day (study habits will be in the next blog).

That is not realistic.

3)      Be Realistic and Flexible: It is really easy to over commit.  We have to be realistic with our strengths and weakness.  We have to be honest with how long something is likely to take us.  Just as important, we have to be flexible.  Some of the most highly effective people have a “bumper” set in every schedule.  Do not schedule activities back to back.  Include a “bumper” of time to account for meetings/classes going long, traffic, accidents, forgetting your homework/assignment, and needing to head back to the house.  This will ensure you have flexibility without encroaching on others’ time.

Scooby says no

4)      It’s OK to say NO: This took me a really long time to learn.  If I am honest, I still struggle with this. It is OK to say, “No.”  You do not have to agree to do everything everyone wants you to you.  You are only human.  Knowing your limits (time, personality, requirements for sleep), are all essential to creating quality products and lasting relationships.  If you do decline, just make sure to do it with grace, and perhaps a referral.  I like to decline with a “Thank you, but not at this time.  Perhaps you can consider So-and-so.  I think they would be very interested,” or “Thank you, but not at this time.  I would be happy to donate my time to next month’s fundraiser/money to the event/set up the flowers to be delivered/etc.”  This simple referral allows the other party to feel heard, valued, and perhaps come back to you for help at another more appropriate time.

Find Your Productive Time

5)      Find your productive time: I once watched an episode of Brothers and Sisters, where a political character stated, “I have done more by 8:00 am than most people do in a day.” This really stuck with me; so much so, I changed my entire schedule.  I am more productive in the wee hours of the morning than I am from noon to five.  So, I ensure my workday reflects that productive time.  I learned in grad school no one bothers me between the hours of midnight and seven in the morning.  So, I set up my focus hours then.  As a mom, I do not stay up all night but know I ensure I am at my computer no later than 6:00 am to start work.  Before work is prayer, meditation.  After work, I help with school, and then we do a workout, field trip, or fun activity to wind down for the day.

Work Schedule

6)      Create a dedicated work/school schedule: Schedules are so important.  They help keep you organized and ensure you have set time aside to complete the required activities.  Knowing when you are required to work/school (and the prep time for each), helps to ensure you are not double booking, over-scheduling, or ignoring (for those procrastinators) an important task.  The trick is to keep the schedule flexible as needed, but it should be used in the majority of situations.

Let’s See Your Budget

7)      Budget your time: Budget your time like you would budget your finances.  Track where you are spending time and where you are not using the time to your advantage. This will help you prioritize when is productive, what needs more focus, and where you can rearrange to have more productivity. B a clock-watcher.  If you know what time it is, you have a better grasp of your time throughout the day.

T-Rex exercises

8)      Exercise to clear your mind: Physical movement is so important to both production and retention. Study after study shows a connection between physical exercise and productivity at work.  Some companies are even paying their employees to work out as it increases productivity, decreases stress, improves social connections, and oh, makes us healthier.  For students, exercising after learning a task has been shown to improve memory and retention. So, burn some calories, get stronger, and strengthen your brain and production all in one thirty-minute workout.

Don’t get distracted

9)      Don’t get sidetracked: Distraction is the key to failure. My son is the king of distraction.  I can ask him to put the dishes aware and all of a sudden, I have a robot in my kitchen.  The trick to time management is not to get distracted.  We teach this to my son by using a HIIT timer.  He attaches this to his belt loop and every time it beeps it reminds him a) to be on task and b) that the allotted time to complete the task is diminishing.  To introduce this, we started it as a game.  Now, he uses it for everything from a work out to clean his room.   At work, I use the 25 minute rule. I work on a project without distraction (no emails, texts, or calls) and then can take a break between my next 25 minutes and catch up on all those things.

10)   Get a good night’s sleep: I love sleep. Good sleep.  The body was designed to do some of the most intensive work while we sleep.  Our bodies rebuild and process the day while we sleep.  Sleep is essential to process and retention, but also, for us to have the energy to complete another crazy busy day.  Sleep helps us learn, strengthen our memory, increases our creativity and insight.  Sleep does so much!   (learn more, strengthen memory, increase creativity and insight)

Now that you have some tips, take this quiz on where you are in time management to know where you might want to focus your attention in the future. Create your time-use log. Do it for at least 24 hours. The longer you do it, the more you’ll see where you lose/waste time.