Failing the Apocalypse on Easy Mode

On May 26, 2020May 24, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Corona Virus, COVID-19, inspire, life, Motivate, motivation, social distancing1 Comment

Abandoned grey brick building ob blue sky day

“I can’t seem to find a groove.” “All the doors keep shutting in my face.” “If schools don’t open back up, my kid and I might not be on speaking terms till graduation…eight years from now.” “Last night I ate an entire bar of cookie dough and hid in my closet for an hour just for some peace and quiet.”

Sound familiar?

Parenting was hard before COVID-19, but at least there was a break with school and playdates. At least there was a distraction with school projects and team sports. At least it did not feel like you were in this on your own with no instruction manual. Can you relate?

Countless friends of mine who were so excited for a “forced stay-cation” with their spouses only a few weeks ago, are now praying diligently for their spouse to go back to work and leave them alone.

Work, for those who are blessed to be employed, has begun to feel like every move is the wrong move. Teams no longer work like well-oiled machines. The discord and frustration have heightened as plans to re-open and get “back to normal” seem to be weeks away or worse ill-advised. Minutia seems to be the focus instead of quality production.

Emotions are high. Patience is low. The threads of relationships have started to fray. As a friend jokingly stated a few weeks ago, “We are failing the apocalypse on easy mode.”

Before those emotions take over, think about what that statement means. We are not combating corpses that have come to life to eat our brains. We are not fighting Thanos. We are not fighting aliens who want to take over the planet.

We are fighting a virus invisible to the naked eye. We are fighting our own selfish desires to have what we want when we want it how we want it.

The playbook for this fight? Be in the comfort of our homes, watch Netflix, eat bonbon, and enjoy a walk outside with the people we love the most.

So why is domestic violence growing at an alarming rate globally? Why are we finding ways to yell at each other? Why do we feel like we are alone in the fight?

“Why” is the wrong question. We know why.

It’s time we ask what are we going to do to change this behavior and emotional state? In ourselves. For our families, friends and coworkers.

1. Metrics: Anyone who has worked a single day in any industry hears the word metrics and knows their bottom line will be affected by this one six-letter word. Those in production industries work diligently to get their metrics up and keep them up. Metrics are great for giving us an insight into how we are doing and where we need to work a little harder or differently. This is a successful model in businesses across industries. Let’s use this model in our personal lives.

Set a metric for the production of quality family life. How much time do we spend investing in our families compared to watching that Netflix show? How often do we have to nag/ask our teenager to do their laundry versus them doing it themselves? How often are we serving others versus serving ourselves? These key metrics can give a great baseline for significant growth in our personal and professional lives.

One Small Positive Thought in the Morning Can Change Your Whole Day

2. Change your Focus: The most impactful leader in history, once stated, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Another way to say this is where your focus is, there your heart will be also.

In his book Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World – and Why Things Are Better Than You Think, Hans Rosling gives an excellent realistic view of the world using stats and studies from his years as a physician and academic. Rosling uses global trends in health economics to show how much better the world is than we allow ourselves to believe. Understanding stats and metrics are so much more important than the number. Let’s use stats as therapy. Change the focus from the negative to focusing on the positive and the progress made and keep moving forward.

3. Be Grateful: We are not fighting zombies! We are not fighting aliens! We get to spend time with our families. We get to have a home-cooked meal at the kitchen table. We get to get back to our roots. 1950’s America has been idealized for decades. Now is our chance to get that back; only this time we are working from home on a more flexible schedule. For more ways to shift to a grateful attitude check out my blog on the power of words.

New Years Resolution Quit Making New Year’s Resolutions

4. Work on that New Year’s Resolution: Did you know 80% of New Years Resolutions fail? There is a lot research into why this is. Time. Thinking not doing. Doing it alone. Not tracking progress. Forbes, BusinessInsider, and Psychology Today all address this.

We have been given the opportunity to not only have the time to work on these resolutions, but to do it in an environment with our best support system – our family. Want to lose weight? Use the time you would have been commuting for a work out with your partner. Want to get better in your industry? Read together for one hour a day. Want to know what is really happening in your teenager’s life? Get on the video game with them. You get healthy, spend quality time, and invest in each other. For more ideas check out my blog on surviving social distancing.

Woman pointing a viewer to be the solution

5. Be the Solution: We know there is a problem. Instead of complaining about the problem, choose to be the solution. Find ways to get involved. For some great resources on how to get involved in all aspects of the community including first responders, teachers, religious leaders and more, check out my articles on ways to give back and Captain Corona and the 19-COVID Warriors by @MelissaGratia.

This is not the apocalypse. There is time to redeem 2020 and really begin to change the world, our world, our communities, for the better. We don’t have to fail quarantine and social distancing. We have everything we need to use this time to reset and refresh. It’s time to choose. Where is your focus?

Celebrate the Extraordinary: Moving into a New Normal

On May 5, 2020May 19, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In america, Autism, Beautiful, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, fear, Hope, love, Motivate, social distancing, Special NeedsLeave a comment

Neon Sign - Think About Things Differently — Neon Sign – Think About Things Differently

The phrase “Getting back to normal,” has been used a lot lately as we start to look forward to the end of #quaratine and #socialdistancing. We can’t wait to sit next to that annoying coworker, drive a car, get coffee with a friend.

As a parent in the special needs community, I hear a lot of people wishing for their child to be “normal.” If only they could play ball with their boy or go to a dance recital with their little girl. So many times, they start sentences with “If only…” or “I wish…”

We live in a generation where everything is instant. We compare ourselves, our children, and our lives to the fake world broadcast on social media. We use social media as a tool to measure “normal.”

But we do a disservice to ourselves, our children, our communities when we use this measurement. No one is normal.

I’ll say it again – NO ONE IS NORMAL.

Your spouse is not normal. Your child is not normal. You are not normal.

Those who think you are normal – HAVE NOT MET YOU.

What #socialdistancing is teaching us is patience. Patience with our family. Patience with our community. Patience with our governments. #Socialdistancing is teaching us the value of time. Time with family. Time for self-growth. Time for laughter. Time for love. #Socialdistancing is teaching us who we are – at our core when no one else is watching. We are learning who we are without the world telling us who we should be.

So, instead of wishing for normal, why don’t we celebrate the EXTRAORDINARY and look forward to what can be an amazing new normal.

The four youngest in the family: May look the same, but very different personalities.

1. Different Children with Different Needs: I have said it before, and will say it again. Our children are different from any other child – even siblings. What makes this world so special is the differences. Different, by definition, means NOT normal. Let’s celebrate these differences and not a world of cookie-cutter sameness. That world lacks depth, color, and beauty. That world will also never truly come to pass. It is about time we realized and embraced that.

Spencer overcomes his fear of heights!

2. Overcoming challenges: We all have challenges in life. Every one of us has overcome something – sickness, depression, addiction, self-esteem. That is a HUGE accomplishment. We should celebrate that not dwell on the past of “normal” where we lived in those things. Every kid has challenges – whether they are on the spectrum, have a special need, or are labeled “normal” or “neuro-typical” by the world. Every kid is beautiful. We should celebrate the bravery of facing those challenges. Celebrate the hard work that goes into overcoming challenges. Celebrate the stronger, more compassionate, more confident individual who comes out on the other side of those challenges.

Daddy son time - investing in the future. The men walk on a pathway through the woods in Gettysburg, PA. — Daddy son time – investing in the future. The men walk on a pathway through the woods in Gettysburg, PA.

3. Craft a new normal: As the discussion of how to “return to normal” after #socialdistancing and #quarantine start, I encourage you to stop. Stop thinking about returning. Start thinking about the future. Why would we want to return to world measured in likes, memes, and insincerity? We have been offered an amazing opportunity to do radical change in our personal lives, our community, and the world. Let us craft a new normal. A normal of Love. A normal of Compassion. A normal of Encouragement. Let us stop measuring normal and start celebrating the uniqueness, bravery and beautiful creature that is the individual in the mirror, sitting next to us, across from us, or passing by.

I know it is easy to crave “normal.” We want to have a routine, to have a semblance of balance, to want what we know. But humans have NEVER been called to accept the status quo. We have never been called to be complacent. We are mechanisms of change.

We have been offered an unprecedented opportunity to cultivate incredible change for good. It is our responsibility to let go of the “old normal” and embrace the “new normal.” Let us re-prioritize our life to honor this opportunity. Celebrate the gift that has been so lavishly poured out upon us – time with family, getting back to basics, being real with each other and ourselves. As we move forward to “new normal,”” I pray we keep this in mind and look forward to the incredible change for good in how we treat each other and ourselves.

Re-set During #Socialdistancing

On April 29, 2020April 18, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Corona Virus, COVID-19, Motivate, Sensory NeedsLeave a comment

Man laying down on steps of building during daylight hours — Man laying down on steps of building

Before #socialdistancing exercise, eating right, and balance seemed much easier. Motivation was easy – people see you. Who wants to look like a louse in public?

But as #socialdistancing extends, the leggings, carbs and time in front of the TV are preferable to almost anything else. No one wants to look at the scale.

For kids with sensory needs, this is even more important as the sensory input of a workout resets the chemistry in the brain. This helps with focus, self-control, and skill development.

Countless studies show exercise is critical to health. But there is a developing field of study in how exercise actually helps impact the neuron pathways in the brain. ABA, Occupational Therapists, even parents, can attest to the importance of a regular sensory workout program (SWP) in helping children with special needs, indeed all children, with coping, focus, and development.

How does one do this in the home? When we can’t leave?

Here are some things that work for us.

Sensory Room

A sensory room is designed to help someone regulate their brain using external sensory input. That is technical speak for “help re-center yourself.” Sensory rooms have been shown to have calming effects, help improve focus, increase socialization, and help with all sorts of development (both neurological and physical.

We discovered this importance when our son was about five. He needed a place to get all his wiggles out, calm down, and enjoy himself.

Our room is the garage. In this room, we have an art table, a basketball hoop, rock wall, ropes, and a punching bag.

This room is a place where we presently do out occupational therapy, but when it is not used for therapy, it is also a “fort” (which every kid needs). A sensory room grows with the child. This room is the “hang out” place for playdates, it is the escape from parents when angry place, and a place for a great work out for parents place as well.

Sensory Workout

No one likes working out. Even those who say they do – don’t. They like the after-effects.

That is true for our kiddos too. Working out is hard. But a necessity of life.

A sensory work out is not that different than a regular work out. I do recommend getting with your occupational therapist before starting one, as each work out is different depending on the person.

Usually, a workout will consist of some combination of proprioceptive (deep pressure to joints and calming/organizing), vestibular (excites, usually circulatory and rhythmic), touch, smell, breathing, and auditory input. It does not usually go longer than 30 minutes and can be done easily at home or at school.

We have been known to do wall push-ups and squats in grocery stores, joint pressure at restaurants and them parks, and always have some sort of audio and smell for calming wherever we go. We like citrus oils for focus before school ad lavender oils for calming after.

Sensory rest

Just as every fitness instructor will say a warm-up and cool down are important for every workout, sensory rest is just as essential for every person.

A 2018 study showed an average adult (18+ years old) spends over 11 hours a day looking at a screen. That is 45.83% of the 24-hour day. If you a lot for 8 hours of sleep (which we don’t usually get), that is 68.75% of our day in front of a screen! Is it any wonder we need a reset?

In our house, we each have space and activity that works for us.

My husband goes on long runs and he and I will do a kickboxing or boxing workout on the punching bag at least once a week (sometimes more).

My son and I like to do yoga together. The meditation and combination of proprioceptive and vestibular input are super calming. I prefer something like YogaShred where he prefers the stories of Cosmic Kids Yoga.

We also both love heavy blankets!

My son also has a tent in his room he often withdraws to where he reads, draws, plays with Lego.

I know it is hard to feel settled during #socialdistancing. It is hard during regularly scheduled programming as well. Try and find some ways this week to help re-set. Re-center. Refresh. Let me know what works for you and your kiddos or if you want some more ideas on how to use what you already have in your home to make a sensory diet.

Is Screen Time Your Friend or Enemy?

There is something special about cuddling on the couch, snacking on popcorn and watching a new release (or an old favorite). Bonding over a laugh or squeezing tight during a scary scene. Priceless.

And yet, there seems to be a yin to the yang.

Behavior changes when we sit in front of a screen too long. Studies have shown too much screen time increases obesity, decreases the quality of sleep. My son seems to regress with each half-hour of TV. His attitude reflects what he watches. And, unfortunately, even educational shows like Wild Kratz displays negative behavior.

So, in a homeschool world, how do you balance the screen time?

Here is the good and bad of screen time.

animation-cartoon-cartoon-character-disney-mickey-mouse-piano-light

The Good

Children learn a lot from the screen. There is a great documentary, Life Animated, which follows a child on the spectrum who learns to speak by watching Disney movies. (Our personal experience reflects this method works).

There are numerous benefits to screentime. Children learn about social norms and cues. Film and television provide authentic and varied language that many would not pick up in a peer relationship. And most importantly, for children on the spectrum who think and see in pictures, television and film give a visual context.

The Bad

Unfortunately, there are lots of negative results of screen time. We copy what we see and hear. Kids learn and pick up so many things from the screen about dating, relationships between boys and girls, how to speak to parents and when to exercise independence. Often, this is done in a way causing harm to the cognition of the child.

Too often in American culture, we celebrate the celebrity and choice of stars and then complain about why our children act like them. We relish the drama and excitement of the racy, poor decision filled scenes; discuss and glorify them when they are not on. We wonder why our ten-year-old girls want to wear short-shorts and our boys want to curse up a storm.

HELP

So how do we find balance in the crazy that is homeschool? When our education is turning to the screen? Our free time is playing on a screen? Our family time is sitting in front of a screen? Here are three steps we use in our home that seem to work for us:

Use it as a reward. There is no reason a screen has to be on in every room for every person every day. Ensure school work, chores, playing outside, and being creative are completed prior to any screen time.
Limitation. Limit what they watch, when they watch, how long they watch. Limitations are good in all aspects of life – from what we eat to what we watch. We do not let any screens in our kiddos bedroom and use Google Chrome Cast which is mirrored from our phones to ensure we know what is watched and when it is over.
Model. Practice what you preach. If your rule is to finish work, exercise, reading, and creativity first, but your child never sees you do that – you are asking for trouble. What rules you put in place for the screen should be reflected in your own actions. Other than numerous benefits of opening up time for productivity, this allows you to show your child there is so much more to this wonderful life than the big (or little handheld) screen in front of them.

Screen time can be a wonderful tool and entertainment resource. However, it can also be the bane of your existence. May we all find balance in the world of homeschool and homework in this strange and ever-developing global situation.

On April 1, 2020March 30, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Autism, Behavior, Corona Virus, COVID-19, family, homeschool, life, Motivate, screen time, Special Needs, TV, video games5 Comments

COVID-19 and the Real World or How to Survive Social Distancing

On March 20, 2020 By Motivate. Innovate. Relate.In Corona Virus, COVID-19, Motivate1 Comment

In case you have been living under a rock, COVID-19 is a real thing. More deaths than the average flu. Towns are shut down. Travel shut down. School shut down. In just a few short weeks, the world has discovered the #introvertadvantage.

Fear is rampant. Families separated. Hospitals are overrun. Is there any other story in the media today?

Kids are home, out of routine, lonely and increasingly scared. Being a parent has taken on a new back-breaking load – how to keep your kids calm in the middle of this crazy storm.

Here are some tips on how to help your kids find peace and clarity in this colossal hurricane of COVID-19.

What our first home school schedule looked like

Keep a routine. Humans, by nature, thrive on routine. From getting up and ready to going to bed at night, we operate through a routine. Take out the most central part of a child’s day and you are set up for chaos. School is not just a place to learn about math, science, and literature. It is a place of friendship building, community development, and space. Space from parents and siblings (in some cases). So throughout this time, set a routine where school is apart of the day. Include some breaks from each other. Include some video telecalls to their friends and family. And remember, this too shall pass.

My kiddo doing his part sending some love to the Senior Citizens

Find ways to help. The community is only as strong as its weakest link. There are many ways to help from home. Remember, nonprofits and churches still operate their community funds. They still need income to ensure the homeless have food, the low income can pay the electric bill (which just went up because people are home more), and safe places for an escape from the dangerous. If you already give, keep giving. If you don’t, I encourage you to start. Want to be more hands-on, Neighbors Helping Neighbors is providing training on how to help neighbors safely. Help the truck drivers with a meal (you are still getting deliveries, but their rest stops are closed). Even the smallest act of kindness goes a long way.

Have a sanctuary. Refuge and safety are more important today than ever. When people are crammed together, they have shorter tempers and we humans tend to get a bit crazy. A small space you can call your own, escape to in the chaos of the house, that is simply yours is valuable when there is not a pandemic. It is even more valuable now. Ensure some sanctuary and calming time is a part of your schedule. Outside on the back porch or inside a closet of the house…whatever works for you.

Get outside. Cabin Fever WILL set in and it is a REAL thing. In 1918, the Influenza pandemic swept through the world much like COVID-19. There were two ways to treat patients. Inside and outside. What a Boston, MA hospital discovered was a combination of fresh air, sunlight, scrupulous standards of hygiene, substantially reduced deaths among some patients and infections among medical staff. So go outside. Enjoy the sunshine. Remember that the sky is blue and the sun is bright and the breeze feels so good on your skin.

Being creative with #paintbynumber…I haven’t broken my need for lines and regulations yet. 🙂

Be creative and productive. It is easy to think you are stuck within the cell that is now your home. But you are in a world equipped with so much to be entertained in – without turning on your TV. Plan an instrument? Play it. Have some paper laying around? Write. Legos? Build. Paint. Color. Draw. Or, for those social media addicts, get online and recite poetry, sing, dance, get goofy! We all need a little happier. Depression and loneliness are real things. These get even worse in isolation. So, enjoy being a goof for people to laugh at or sing a song for people to love. It might be the one thing that saves a life. If you are feeling suicidal or depressed, there is help. Call the National Suicide line 1-800-273-8255 for help.

The family that sweats together stays healthy together. Workout run (in safety gear). Quarter miles sprints!

Work Out. Chill Out. Stress is high and endorphins are low. Be sure you are fueling your body and your mind as we walk through this new “normal.” 30 minutes of cardio a day is great. This can be easily accomplished by a walk outside (no neighbors necessary), a run on a treadmill if you have one, or numerous free workouts on YouTube and Amazon Prime. Just search your favorite activity and you will be bombarded with choices from yoga to kickboxing and dance. For those of you on Wii – don’t forget about Wii Fit. There are so many options. Have fun with it. For a special challenge, join the 30 Day #5fitchallenge with #SOFLFit5 (Special Olympics Florida). IT is a great way to hold yourself and your special kiddo accountable to maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Use this time to be productive. Whether that means working on those summer abs, catching up on that reading list, finishing those household projects, or whatever, remember, your kids will follow your lead. So, whatever you do, remember this too shall pass. We are more than conquerors. We are the light. Be the light. Be love. Choose joy.

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