yoga – Some Where Over The Rainboots

"Nothing is #impossible the word itself says I'm possible." #AudreyHepburn — “Nothing is impossible the word itself says I’m possible.” – Audrey Hepburn

What do toddlers, pre-teens, and teens all have in common?

They cry out for independence. “Don’t help me!” “I can do it myself!” “I’m not your little girl/boy anymore!”

Sound familiar?

They are not wrong. Kids can do so much more that we think they can. So how do we know when to step in and when to let failure happen? How do you teach accountability and responsibility to children who think they know it all already? Here are 6 tips I use in my household.

1. Pick your battles: I hate messes. Call it a pet-peeve or OCD or what you like, but I like a clean, neat and tidy home. My siblings (sorry guys) growing up and kiddo now, have other ideas of what home should feel like. I learned early on as a parent, to pick my battles with my very strong-willed* child. Now, when the room doesn’t get cleaned, I shut the door (out of sight out of mind) and my kid knows he doesn’t get to watch TV, play video games, play outside, create anything until the chores are done. It has created a much more harmonious environment.

2. Offer Choices: When I was younger, my parents divided chores by age (ignored gender rules). Occasionally they would re-arrange as family dynamics changed. I liked this. But recently came across a “Chore Market.” (This works very similar to Silent Butler). What is that? Much like the Stock Market, a Chore Market is when your children bid on chores they will do. The catch? Lowest bid wins and that is now their allowance. This is a great way to start teaching financial responsibility, family responsibility, work ethic, and start the conversation on investments as they get older.

3. Provide Flexibility: Flexibility is a key to success. This prevents kids from thinking they must be perfect all the time. Perfection can be rehabilitating. So, teach flexibility with deadlines. One of my favorite practices in home school is offering a Fun Friday – this is a five-week school scheduled offered to be completed in four days, at their pace. We do not set days for subjects to be taught, my son gets a weekly schedule and he can finish it at his own pace. Some very motivated weeks, he does two weeks in one, and some weeks there is carry over to Fun Friday. But, he has the flexibility to finish his tasks as he needs.

Japan’s Independent Kids

4. Support Growth: This one is hard. We always want to be the protection for our kids. It is nature. Reality is – we will not always be there for our kids. We must support them. When I was five, my mom took me on a mile walk from my house to my kindergarten class. That was it. After that walk, I was on my own for getting to and from school. As my younger siblings joined, I became responsible for them as well. Different times, I know. But, really, not all that different. Teaching kids how to play in the neighborhood, get to and from school, and ultimately fail at school or chores teaches independence and that we are all human and make mistakes.

5. Encourage healthy risk: My son loves to cook! But, he is also easily distracted. But, when he asked to learn to cook his own breakfast at age seven, who was I to stop him? So, he learned (first very closely supervised) how to make his own eggs. This has now become gourmet eggs, sausage, and fruit in the morning. After six months (I could have let go of the reigns sooner), he took over his own breakfast. He knows makes all his meals except our family dinner. But he also catches our family dinner often – taking responsibility for providing for our family.

Einstein was a Failure?

6. Embrace Mistakes: We are not perfect! Your kid will be less perfect than you. Embrace the mistake. Everyone spills milk. Everyone burns a dish here and there. Everyone skips to the back of the book at least once for the answers. The trick is not to dwell on the negative and failure but to use that to encourage growth and learning. As Einstein put it so well, “Failure is success in progress.”

Our kids are miraculous beings. Our job is to help them see that – without inflating their ego. Finding a balance between independence and responsibility is hard. But possible. The more we practice these steps the easier they become. The more we encourage independence in a healthy way, the more our children will learn problem-solving, critical thinking, and fundamentals of life.

How have you found this balance? What has worked? What has failed?

RESOURCES:

*If you have a strong-willed child, like mine, I really found Parenting a Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically Proven 5 week for parents of 2 to 6-year-olds by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long to be very insightful.

Man laying down on steps of building during daylight hours — Man laying down on steps of building

Before #socialdistancing exercise, eating right, and balance seemed much easier. Motivation was easy – people see you. Who wants to look like a louse in public?

But as #socialdistancing extends, the leggings, carbs and time in front of the TV are preferable to almost anything else. No one wants to look at the scale.

For kids with sensory needs, this is even more important as the sensory input of a workout resets the chemistry in the brain. This helps with focus, self-control, and skill development.

Countless studies show exercise is critical to health. But there is a developing field of study in how exercise actually helps impact the neuron pathways in the brain. ABA, Occupational Therapists, even parents, can attest to the importance of a regular sensory workout program (SWP) in helping children with special needs, indeed all children, with coping, focus, and development.

How does one do this in the home? When we can’t leave?

Here are some things that work for us.

Sensory Room

A sensory room is designed to help someone regulate their brain using external sensory input. That is technical speak for “help re-center yourself.” Sensory rooms have been shown to have calming effects, help improve focus, increase socialization, and help with all sorts of development (both neurological and physical.

We discovered this importance when our son was about five. He needed a place to get all his wiggles out, calm down, and enjoy himself.

Our room is the garage. In this room, we have an art table, a basketball hoop, rock wall, ropes, and a punching bag.

This room is a place where we presently do out occupational therapy, but when it is not used for therapy, it is also a “fort” (which every kid needs). A sensory room grows with the child. This room is the “hang out” place for playdates, it is the escape from parents when angry place, and a place for a great work out for parents place as well.

Sensory Workout

No one likes working out. Even those who say they do – don’t. They like the after-effects.

That is true for our kiddos too. Working out is hard. But a necessity of life.

A sensory work out is not that different than a regular work out. I do recommend getting with your occupational therapist before starting one, as each work out is different depending on the person.

Usually, a workout will consist of some combination of proprioceptive (deep pressure to joints and calming/organizing), vestibular (excites, usually circulatory and rhythmic), touch, smell, breathing, and auditory input. It does not usually go longer than 30 minutes and can be done easily at home or at school.

We have been known to do wall push-ups and squats in grocery stores, joint pressure at restaurants and them parks, and always have some sort of audio and smell for calming wherever we go. We like citrus oils for focus before school ad lavender oils for calming after.

Sensory rest

Just as every fitness instructor will say a warm-up and cool down are important for every workout, sensory rest is just as essential for every person.

A 2018 study showed an average adult (18+ years old) spends over 11 hours a day looking at a screen. That is 45.83% of the 24-hour day. If you a lot for 8 hours of sleep (which we don’t usually get), that is 68.75% of our day in front of a screen! Is it any wonder we need a reset?

In our house, we each have space and activity that works for us.

My husband goes on long runs and he and I will do a kickboxing or boxing workout on the punching bag at least once a week (sometimes more).

My son and I like to do yoga together. The meditation and combination of proprioceptive and vestibular input are super calming. I prefer something like YogaShred where he prefers the stories of Cosmic Kids Yoga.

We also both love heavy blankets!

My son also has a tent in his room he often withdraws to where he reads, draws, plays with Lego.

I know it is hard to feel settled during #socialdistancing. It is hard during regularly scheduled programming as well. Try and find some ways this week to help re-set. Re-center. Refresh. Let me know what works for you and your kiddos or if you want some more ideas on how to use what you already have in your home to make a sensory diet.

Some Where Over The Rainboots

Tag: yoga

6 Steps to the Right Balance of Independence and Growth

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